Lending money to husband

Mutter_2

If you survive more than five or possibly six years of marriage, his debt becomes part of the marital pot.

Why as a woman of means did you marry him? Why not just live together?

Morglin

Head_Girl wrote: »

Hi from an MSE Newbie!

I would really like some advice.

I have recently lent a very large amount of money to my new husband to clear credit card debts accrued by his ex wife on a card in his name. This was money that had been in stocks and shares ISAs for years and was just sitting there for later on in my life. I couldn't just sit back and watch him pay back the minimum amount each month at a ridiculous interest rate of 22%, it would have taken him years to pay off. He didn't want me to do it, but I insisted and said that I would want it paid back monthly with interest (but at a much lower rate than the credit card companies), which he has agreed to do.

I trust my husband completely and am not asking for comments on how stupid I've been, etc, this is my decision and I am happy to be able to help him as I am fortunately in a very comfortable position financially.

The advice I would request is the wording I should use in a formal letter of agreement between us in respect of the loan and if this would be legally binding should our relationship break down in the future? I am obviously not expecting this to happen, but after having divorced after being married for 22 years to my ex husband, I now know that nothing is certain in this life (except death and taxes!)

I would really appreciate some useful advice and thank you in anticipation.

Have a good weekend everyone.

:j

You LENT your husband money and now you want an agreement and him to pay interest?????:eek::eek:

Why on earth did you marry him if you think this is how a married couple should be?

Lin

justjohn

I can understand a conventional marriage.

i can understand a marriage of convenience both parties have needs both parties fulfill each others needs. Thus a business arrangement.
(i have considered this myself in the past). It does work.

I cannot get my head around/or logic on an edging my bets marriage. Maybe its because edging my bets marriage considers the what ifs/just in case scenarios.( a sort of half business,half conventional marraige). Short term contract with a quick get out clause if you need it.

King_Nothing

When he misses a payment, you gonna send the heavies in to break his thumbs?

POPPYOSCAR

I am not judging you OP, each to their own but I do find it hard to understand.

When I met my OH he was just getting divorced.He had absolutely nothing.His entire life was contained in two black plastic bin liners.He owed money and had to pay maintenance for three children. I had my own house and no debts apart from the mortgage.

I see us as one.My assets became his and his debts became mine.
We have worked together and now 20 years and two children on we are very comfortably off, more so than if I had been without him.

wrangler360

I haven't read all the responses so this may have been mentioned, A Pre-nup is not legally binding in the UK but obv to a judge it shows intention. Also between a husband and wife there is no not an "Intention to Create Legal Relations" which is essential in a contract.

It would be best to speak with a solicitor to have a binding agreement drawn up otherwise the loan will be deemed a gift.

Hope this helps

Person_one

Imp wrote: »

Not quite how I see it.

People, myself included, are lazy. If something is difficult to do, then people are less likely to do it.

I want my marriage to last until one of us dies. I want it to be as difficult as possible to split up, so everything is interwoven between us, with full visibility to both of us. There is no easy escape route, no pots of cash set aside so I can set up easily else where.

Marriage is difficult. If you make it easy to break up, you almost certainly will.

If you think you are at risk of divorce just because you can, I would question the strength of that marriage. That wouldn't be love, just a lack of options, I guess there's always mariticide!

Some people might really regret making it so hard to leave if adultery or abuse (physical, psychological or financial) rears its ugly head.

C_Mababejive

Havent read it all.

All i can say is that you must not lend your husband any substantial amount of money.

If he cannot recover any of the monies from his ex then he needs to re-schedule the debt.

Your OH is right, dont "force" him take your money...others will do that more willingly.

Do you ever feel manipulated?

aliasojo

justjohn wrote: »

yes they do...insurance covers most eventualities. But i would not buy a house i thought may go on fire. And it would not be covered for insurance if thought to be a fire hazard.

And in the context of a relationship i would not go into it if i was planning/risk on a divorce.

Maybe I missed something as I've only really skimmed the thread, but no-one is planning anything. Being aware of possible risks is not the same as expecting them to happen.

I feel a second marriage/serious relationship is different to the first. The first does tend to be based on hope whilst the second is always tinged with reality.

We come into this world alone, we leave in the same way. In the interim if we're lucky, we get to spend time with a like minded soul who shares our hopes and dreams. However, other than childhood, we are responsible for ourselves.

People can change over time and perhaps if we all (men and women equally) had our own individual financial safety nets, there would be less children being raised in breadline, struggling single parent homes in the event of a breakdown. I don't agree individual financial security would make it easier to give up on a marriage. It would however make it less problematic to deal with a separation.

As for the romance aspect, personally I would find it easier to feel more relaxed, loving and giving, knowing I was financially secure. Different strokes for different folks I guess.

As for advising the OP, with a situation such as this, I wouldn't be looking for advice on here, I'd be going to the professionals. (No offence to anyone knowledgeable enough to advise btw, it just seems more prudent to consult someone with experience in this field.)

justjohn

C_Mababejive wrote: »

Do you ever feel manipulated?

Read the all the posts. This may be many things. But the lady comes over as focused and head strong.