Opinions please on family child care issue

Ex-Spendaholic

The money issue came in when it was made clear to me when I was pregnant with the first (as I said before they hassled me continually that they wanted to mind) that they would not be doing it for nothing. I have to be totally honest and say that when I was pregnant with my first I had always planned to go down the route of a private day nursery or a childminder. It hadn't even occurred to me to ask the grandparents. The situation therefore arose at their insistence.

I offered £100 a month and they said at the time that this was fine. Then came baby number 2 and they said they wanted £150 per month. Again I complied.

I've continued to pay the £150 per month (which I know is cheap child care). However the money has always been a bit of a contentious issue. Just last month we were on holiday so didn't arrive back until the day after pay day. I called at my parent's house that evening to collect a parcel and her words were "are we not entitled to holiday pay any more?" It was said in an agressive way. I went to the cash machine there and then and got the money. I had intended to pay it anyway but I didn't see the need for any agression as I'd forgotten.

In addition to the fact that I pay this "nominal" amount, I also pay for a holiday for them each year. OK its not the Carribean, its in England where they want to go. It costs about £500. In addition if they ask me to collect something for a shop or order bits and pieces on the internet for them I don't take the money either.

For anyone who thinks I have taken over their lives I should point out that despite how this thread may read, they are the ones calling the shots. For example at Easter, the school is off for 2 weeks and I'm off those 2 weeks to look after the kids. Instead of them going on holiday in 1 of those 2 weeks they always go the week after meaning that OH and I have to juggle things to ensure we are here for 3 weeks child care. Pretty much the same thing happens in the summer. They will also decide they want to go on a day trip and that day trip must take place on a Thursday (one of my working days). Again one of us must take time off for this.

gratefulforhelp_2

Spendless wrote: »

ETA - Though I'd read it that you were at work and weren't free to go roaming the internet looking for hard to find info. Was feeling quite envious that you could post on MSE whilst working.

Not me, gov. I'm a chalk and therefore August is my favourite month!!

gratefulforhelp_2

ES I don't think you're taking advantage, the way they said that to you about the holiday pay suggests they are very uptight, or oddly untrusting with you about money.

Do you think they're maybe in a lot of debt or something?

Occasionally I have forgotten to pay mine, for a day or two and I'm mortified when I realise but they never remind me.

mishkanorman

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Yes, but fortunately as I'm not at work, I don't have to back up my (correct) information with facts and data.

If you have read the thread you will have seen that my children are also cared for by their grandparents.

Theres no need for attitude like that, as i had previously stated I wasnt sure and wanted to know, your brief answer didnt cover what was being discussed.

Sorry i didnt memorize every poster in this thread and their current situation to know that you are gospel on these matters !

gratefulforhelp_2

Likewise..........

mishkanorman

yeah, thats about right . . . . .

Ex-Spendaholic

No debt that I'm aware of and the mortgage is paid off. Their outgoings from what I can see are minimal. They are the sort of people who go to the supermarket once a week and pay out no more than £20 for everything.

jackieglasgow

OP I don't see that you are getting such a fantastic deal from your parent for the childcare, like some of the other posters. Surely if you were using registered childcare providers, then with tax credits you would have the same or possibly even a bit more money in your own pocket at the end of the month? When you add in their paid for holidays and the fact that you pay for any extrs for the children, and the odd bit of shopping for your parents, I think they are the ones doing very well out of the situation. If I were you I would put the children into childcare and change my hours, as you have suggested, so I had to pay out the minimum for that, then when my parents had the children I would know it was because they wanted to spend te with them, not becausethey were expecting it to be some sort of pin money exercise.

gratefulforhelp_2

Does it work out normally most of the time, or do you have lots of little misunderstandings about things?

I'm just wondering if this is the tip of the iceberg - sort - of - thing?

What do you think you will do?

Ex-Spendaholic

Up until now we weren't entitled to tax credits. Due to my OH being made redundant and him going self employed, we have been getting TC since April. However I'm still a bit sceptical about whether we will get to keep them or whether in the current review that we are awaiting a decision on we will hear that we aren't entitled after all. If our award does turn out to be correct then I believe we would get 80% of childcare costs paid by WTC. However I would hope this wouldn't forever be the case in that hopefully OH's business will get to a level that we are not entitled to TCs again.

The arrangement works most of the time and has done for years. However, yes there are issues that irritate me like the fact they continue went on about the youngest needing potty trained. When I started the process, they then put nappies on her. :mad: