Opinions please on family child care issue

SarahNeedle1872

Just read through this thread, and suddenly feel very blessed with my childcare arrangements!! DS has his free 5 afternoons at nursery, plus a Forest School session on a Wednesday, then we pay for 3 mornings as well. The Outlaws look after him most Saturdays, and often pick him up from nursery.... they would never dream of asking for money!

I think you are lucky with the arrangement you have, but I also think that its a darn cheek asking for the money when they are not looking after the kids!!

I don't have any words of wisdom, but I hope everything gets sorted out for you, whichever way it goes!

Sx

Spendless

We have had similar scenarios in my family -tho not with my own kids. SIL paid her mum to have her child but then in hols SIL would often pay for her mums and daughters flights abroad to extended family members and MIL once or twice mentioned to my hubby that she wasn't being paid for these weeks but was still providing care - true, but SIL had instead paid for flights meaning they were on a hol that they wouldn't otherwise have been on....

Meanwhile on my side of the family there's a close family member who was parents picking up after school foc, fair enough they helped out when the kids were pre-school age, but this relative could have easily have changed hours when kids went to f-time school but preferred not to....

There's a fine line between what is seen as 'just and fair' and 'taking the mick' on both sides when it comes to situations like this.

Just_Plain_Jane

Ex-Spendaholic wrote: »

She wants the money but would not expect me to be "sitting on my !!!" whilst she looks after my kids.

She doesn't mind sitting on her !!! while you pay her for doing sweet FA though, does she?

My mother and I had a similar arrangement. 'Don't get a childminder, I'll look after her' she said when I had my eldest. So I agreed and handed over £120 a month (this was about 15 years ago) even when I had time off and looked after my daughter myself. Big mistake. She told the rest of the family she was doing it for nothing so she could get sympathy for being 'put upon'. She knew I needed 7 days notice to get time off and would announce that she was off on her jollies with her cronies THE NEXT DAY so I would have to call in sick. All sorts of other stuff occurred, but I won't bore you.

In the end I gave up work. We struggled a bit financially but it was worth it not to have to go through all the bull!!!!.

gratefulforhelp_2

Spendless wrote: »

There's a fine line between what is seen as 'just and fair' and 'taking the mick' on both sides when it comes to situations like this.

That is so true. I'm not sure anyone knows we pay my parents, so from the outside it looks like we're taking the mick. We're not of course, but don't feel we want to discuss it as its family business.

Just_Plain_Jane wrote: »

In the end I gave up work. We struggled a bit financially but it was worth it not to have to go through all the bull!!!!.

Thats hard for you. You must have felt better for taking action, though?

I should say my folks have never asked for the money, I pay them as they work hard for it, and selfishly so its not such a financial shock if they ever give it up and I have to use a nursery/whatever.

MadDogWoman_2

Hi,

I have a DD 3, my mum helps with looking after so I also feel very guilty for asking her to have DD at other times. (I'm lucky in that mum won't take payment)

I actually get told off by my mum if I've been ill and not phoned to ask her to have DD.

I don't pay mum, but DD did go to a paid childminder once a week, who if DD didn't attend through illness or holidays we paid but free if Childminder was on holiday or ill.

andrealm

Ex-Spendaholic wrote: »

Up until now we weren't entitled to tax credits. Due to my OH being made redundant and him going self employed, we have been getting TC since April. However I'm still a bit sceptical about whether we will get to keep them or whether in the current review that we are awaiting a decision on we will hear that we aren't entitled after all. If our award does turn out to be correct then I believe we would get 80% of childcare costs paid by WTC. However I would hope this wouldn't forever be the case in that hopefully OH's business will get to a level that we are not entitled to TCs again.

The arrangement works most of the time and has done for years. However, yes there are issues that irritate me like the fact they continue went on about the youngest needing potty trained. When I started the process, they then put nappies on her. :mad:

80% is the maximum but the amount you get depends on your household income. If I'm reading it right there is a limit of £240 a week you can claim,this is the total you can claim per family. I think there is a website called entitled to which can help you calculate what you'd be entitled to. You'd need to find a childminder who had space for 4 children and could pick up from your childrens school. Do the childminders you know have vacancies?

andrealm

It occurred to me that if your mum keeps talking about term time working, you working from home etc is she hinting that she doesn't,t want to look after them any more. Is she being awkward about holiday pay in the hope that you'll get fed up and make other arrangements?

Or would she be the sort that you just come straight out and tell you if she didn't want to carry on with the arrangement.

Ex-Spendaholic

If she didn't want to do it she wouldn't be long saying so. I'm more or less term time anyway as I have all the school holidays off apart from the 3 weeks in the summer that they have the 3 kids. During the school year if a random inset day comes up then I change my working day so that they still only have DD for the 3 days.

I think what she would ultimately like is for me to work from home, look after my own kids but still pay her.

I'm not looking for a childminder or anything now. If I was going down that route it would be December 2011 before I needed one (although I do realise the need to look in advance) The eldest will be 12.5 by then so I don't know if a childminder would be the right thing or not. He finishes school at 3.30 pm but intends to attend various activities on a couple of days a week which would have him in until 4.30 pm. I'm home at 5pm and he walks home anyway.

danielle1977

Don't know what the answer is-families are never easy!

One thing that struck me was that you said you eldest is 12.5 years and your mum thinks you should only have 2 children-maybe she just didn't expect to be helping for this long and that a baby might be too much for her?

Maybe the answer is to get a minder/nursery for the baby and put it to her that she does so much for you (blah blah blah) and that you think she should be taking it easier, but would appreicate the help with the eldest 3 or something like that.

clairehi

I havent read the whole thread but sorry, your parents sound very manipulative.

Its not your responsibility to subsidise their income by paying them for childcare even when they are not providing it.
You mat leave sounds like the ideal time to make a break from this arrangement and firmly tell them this is not going to continue. Yes they will give you grief but they are doing that anyway. You cant continue to ring in sick if your mum has let you down at the last minute. Find yourself a childminder or nursery instead. here is how to reduce the cost:

Ask your work if they take part in a childcare voucher scheme, if not get them to sign up to one eg Care-4, Computershare etc. this saves both you and the employer money as you dont pay tax or NI on the vouchers and they dont pay employers NI (which costs them 12% of your earnings). It will cost you about £150 a month for £240 worth of vouchers towards registered childcare. Most childminders and all nurseries accept them. (Your mum will not be able to receive the vouchers unless she is a registered childminder)
If your OP can get the vouchers from his employer he can also get up to £240 a month of them as well.