Opinions please on family child care issue

Ex-Spendaholic

I do not expect them to provide child care for me. If they don't want to do it then I'll make other arrangements. I most certainly have not made them feel obligated and if you knew my mother you would know that she certainly wouldn't feel obligated/guilted do anything.

They are our children and our responsibility. If we need to use another form of childcare whilst we work then so be it.

Ex-Spendaholic

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Just a thought OP, but do you want you children being semi brought up by someone who calls you a liar and is not capable of reasoned, kind, polite discussion?
I appreciate you may not ultimately finacially have the choice but what are they saying about you in front of your children when you are not there?

I will point out that my kids love the grandparents and vice versa. The kids like being there.

Unfortunately my mother is fuelled a lot by my sibling who has always got stories to tell of people who are earning large salaries but yet getting thousands of pounds in tax credits which they allegedly pass on to the grandparents for childminding. On top of that they read rubbishy newspapers and believe everything thats in them.

I would hope they are not saying anything to my kids about me when I'm not there. :eek:

picnmix

[/QUOTE]Unfortunately my mother is fuelled a lot by my sibling who has always got stories to tell of people who are earning large salaries but yet getting thousands of pounds in tax credits which they allegedly pass on to the grandparents for childminding. On top of that they read rubbishy newspapers and believe everything thats in them.
[/QUOTE]
I think your parents may well be my in-laws:rotfl:My FIL especially starts most sentences with "it said in the Daily Mail....." he thinks that I hundreds in tax credits, when in fact it isnt even out of double figures!

gratefulforhelp_2

mishkanorman wrote: »

do you have any evidence of this, as a poster a few below you has ?

Yes, but fortunately as I'm not at work, I don't have to back up my (correct) information with facts and data.

If you have read the thread you will have seen that my children are also cared for by their grandparents.

Spendless

(IMO) things like this do happen when you get a 'crossover' eg grandparents in a 'childminding' situation eg regularly whilst you work.
OP- obviously paying your parents started somehow. How did how much get decided on etc, what I'm getting at is a discussion/conversation must have taken place for you to get to the arrangements you've got. Can you not start up a similar 'talk' to decide on what is fair for both parties?

I must admit though the 8.30-1.30 shifts you've mentioned being able to do would appeal to me........

Brighton_belle

I wasn't criticising OP, as I am not in your shoes, it's just the picture you were building left me with the impression (incorrect) that they were happy to diss you to your face, so therefore would carry on if you weren't there and your children would pick it up.

It is just hard for me to imagine having a good relationship with anyone who thougth I was a liar and cheating them.
The fact your children are happy there might mean it is worth continuing, but it sure does sound complex!
I hope you are able to resolve this.

Spendless

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Yes, but fortunately as I'm not at work, I don't have to back up my (correct) information with facts and data.

If you have read the thread you will have seen that my children are also cared for by their grandparents.

I've posted info before that backs this up. You can pay a close relative to childmind your kids without them being a registered childminder. What you can't do is pay for this via the childcare tax credits or using childcare vouchers unless they register and are minding at least 1 other child. IIRC you need to do a bit of searching before you find it.

ETA -A quick look and from this

http://www.lbcma.org.uk/BAminder.asp

Registration

All people looking after children under eight years of age that are not the parents or a close relative, for a reward must register with Ofsted.





Tax implications are a seperate matter and not anything I've ever looked up.

gratefulforhelp_2

ES its not easy, always is it? My parents are wonderful child carers, and do more than I ever could hope to with my kids, but there are always shades of grey in the relationship, there's an odd power balance and so on.

gratefulforhelp_2

Spendless wrote: »

I've posted info before that backs this up. You can pay a close relative to childmind your kids without them being a registered childminder. What you can't do is pay for this via the childcare tax credits or using childcare vouchers unless they register and are minding at least 1 other child. IIRC you need to do a bit of searching before you find it.

Tax implications are a seperate matter and not anything I've ever looked up.

Yes, thanks for that. Its reassuring.

I was just pointing out to the poster who asked where my facts were that I'm not at work, just having a relaxed internet discussion!

Spendless

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Yes, thanks for that. Its reassuring.

I was just pointing out to the poster who asked where my facts were that I'm not at work, just having a relaxed internet discussion!

Yeah I know you were but I know from prev discusssions that you were right and also that it's difficult to find info on. Enjoy your internet break. :beer:

ETA - Though I'd read it that you were at work and weren't free to go roaming the internet looking for hard to find info. Was feeling quite envious that you could post on MSE whilst working.