Opinions please on family child care issue

peachyprice

If they're not looking after them, they don't get paid to do so, easy peasy.

Having them for days out or because they want to spend time with them while you are on mat leave is not the same as when they have them while you are are work. I think they're bloomin cheeky to expect still to be paid.

It sounds to me as if they are relying on your £150 to make ends meet and are worried how they'll cope without it.

julie03

you shouldnt pay them at all when they are not looking after them, dont give into them

im glad shes not my mother!

neneromanova

I agree with what Peachyprice said. It does very much sound like they need that extra £150 a month to live which is wrong to make you pay when they don't even have the kids. That £150 would come in very handy I'm guessing to help feed, clothe and entertain your kids.

Tell her to take a running jump when she asks for the money.

pinkclouds

Ex-Spendaholic wrote: »

Basically I have 3 kids. When I was pregnant with the first I was persistenly tortured by my mother about when I would be going back to work so she could mind the baby. This continued through maternity leave.

Fast forward and there are now 2 other kids and another due later this year.

I pay £150 per month as a) my parents aren't the sort to do anything for free

Surely you didn't have kids for the sake of hiring your mom as a nanny/childminder? Either get professional childcare or quit your job and look after them yourself. I can't imagine my mom or MIL doing this to any of us. It is up to you (and your husband) whether you choose to work and it is up to you as to which childcare provider you use. You only work part-time so it will hopefully be six of one and half a dozen of the other. Children and grandchildren are a privilege - not a cash cow.

picnmix

Hi just thought I would share my experience, my mum looks after my kiddies whilst I work part-time. 1 at school, 1 at home full time. When I had just 1 I paid my mum 125 per month to cover her expenses, petrol, playgroups, food, treats etc. When I became pregnant with my second the first was just about to start pre-school as my maternity started, and I was going to be at home for 10 months, I thought that this would mean I wouldn't need to pay the 125, but just before I finished work my dad asked me if I would still be paying my mum as they relied on this money, I must admit we are a close family, but I was quite miffed at this, as would not be getting my full wage, I weighed up the pros and cons and decided not to rock the boat as the benefit of my little one being with my own family, emotionally and financially, outweighed the negatives of feeling a bit put out. During my maternity my mum didn't have them to look after and it did annoy me slightly that I was paying her not to look after my kids, it especially annoyed my OH, he just didn't get it. But the way I looked at it was that if when I was working I had to pay for regist childcare it would have cost me a fortune, far more than the money I paid on maternity leave and the fact that my parents do struggle financially and it would help them out. I have tried to offer more money but my mum wont take it.

If you are really unhappy with the situation, could you not sit down and chat with your mum about it, explain the maternity pay arrangements at your place of work, show her your works policy, so she has all the facts. Do your parents, provide any other support for you, do they have the kiddies overnight at all to give you a break, or wo you can go out in the evening, or weekends. I don't ask my mum to have my kiddies at all when I am not at work, because of the amount of time she has them whilst I am, but I know lots of people who rely on their parents at the weekends etc, if you do you have to weight up whether it is worth jepordising all of this, or whether just putting up with it.

It depends on how much this is going to affect you, and the future of your childcare needs when you go back to work, it may be that you just can't pay her whilst you are off, or that you pay a reduced amount, but try to sort it out as this is a stress that you really dont need whilst you are preggers with 3 other kiddies to look after.

Hope it works ok for you and your family

gratefulforhelp_2

OP I do this with my parents, but pay them £600 per month for full time for two.

When on maternity leave, I do the childcare and I don't pay them.

So no, as long as they have warning that you will not be paying them for x months, no prob, don't feel guilty.

eta picnmix it is hard when you feel responsible for providing that money each month.

nzmegs

Why not continue to pay the money, but continue to drop the kids with your Mum. If she doesn't want to lose her "part time job" money then she needs to keep working. This means that you get some time with the new baby. Just stick to the same arrangements and she has nothing to complain about. Obviously it will mean your kids will be split up three days a week, but i think you will appreciate the peace and quiet, and as you say the older ones will be out and about anyway.

If you had a normal nursery or childminder, you would have to conitnue to pay in order to keep your "slot". If this was me i would just continue to use what I was paying for.

Ex-Spendaholic

Thanks for all the responses.

Firstly I'll point you that I can afford my children and it is up to me whether or not I keep having them. There is no need for rudeness. I don't have an issue paying the grandparents to look after the kids but am querying whether I should pay when they aren't looking after them.

The 2 eldest are not there before school, I bring them to school. The eldest finishes school at 3.30 pm and walks home. 2nd child finishes school at 3pm and they collect her. The 3rd child is there from 9am to 5pm.

The money I pay does not cover any activities. My mother refuses to go to playgroup. Likewise on one of the days the eldest needs collected from their house at 4.30 pm in order to attend an activity. Neither of the grandparents will drive him so it means either OH finishing work early or me. The activity is 9 miles away from their house (beside my work) so I drive from there collect him and then bring him back and sit outside for an hour waiting on him. Life would be so much easier if he could be dropped off there and then I finish work as normal and pick him up but thats not an option. If the youngest has a speech therapy appointment or anything like that then I get out of work to take her.

If the kids are being taken somewhere for the day by them then I cover all costs so that isn't coming out of the monthly rate.

With regard to support outside of this arrangement well there is none. OH and I don't go out in the evenings. It just doesn't happen. We don't feel we can ask and we aren't offered. OH and I don't have any time to ourselves. The only time I'm away from the kids is when I'm working, likewise for him. Thats fine though it was our decision to have children. We spend our spare time taking them out for meals, cinema, swimming etc. Its an awful thing to say but I really need to give birth on one of my working days between 9-5pm. If it happens any other time the hassle will be like no other.

When I return to work the 3rd child will be at preschool from 9am to 1.30 pm each day. I therefore need to make the decision whether to change my hours to work 8.30 to 1pm each day (OH could drop them all off and I'll collect them) and get a childminder for baby number 4. Alternatively I keep with the current arrangement.

Ex-Spendaholic

nzmegs, for a reasonable person that is a very reasonable suggestion and one I would be very happy with. However for the unreasonable ie my parents they would want the money but not the work that goes with it. I have no intention of continuing to send all the kids like I would if I was working but would have been happy to pay the money and then have those days at my disposal to send the kids as and when required eg. if the baby was having injections then I could leave child number 3 or on the day that child number 1 needs taking to his music then I would drop the other 3 off so that I didn't end up sitting outside the venue for an hour on a could winter's night with all of them. Unfortunately though my mother wouldn't see it that way. She wants the money but would not expect me to be "sitting on my !!!" whilst she looks after my kids.

neneromanova

Even if my parents relied on that money I still wouldn't pay them! I would look at what they had and what they could cut back on. If they had things like Sky TV, bought the branded items when they go shopping then I would just laugh at them. If they didn't have these luxuries then I would say they need to go find a part time job.

Picnmix, do your parents have things like this?