Opinions please on family child care issue

Ex-Spendaholic

I'm glad I'm not the only one with difficult parents picnmix.

No-one gave up a job to look after my kids so there is no loss of income there. In terms of their affluence, well I wouldn't say they were rolling in it but they do go out drinking one night per week and my mother always seems to be buying new clothes.

BAILEYS6904

I actually think you're getting a bargain!!!

If you were to use a childminder, it would be a lot more expensive than this, and you still have to pay the normal rate for any days while the child is sick, and also if the childminder has days off (upto a certain amount, of course).

Its alright saying that they dont cost your parents anything, as you fund days out etc. Do they take the children to the shops, or buy them things? My ex looks after our son when I am at work, I still contribute money for cost of food, sweet buying etc. Clearly I dont pay as much as a childminder, but while my ex is looking after our son, he doesnt have the ability to work, doesnt receive benefits as his partner works, and is a lot more flexible than other child care options.

Maybe your parents budget treating the money as an 'income'. If so, its not fair to expect them to stop and start this when it suits you? 4 kids childcare, even outside playgroup/school hours would cost a lot more than £150 a month with any other arrangement

neneromanova

And the only way she is buying the new clothes is with the £150 she gets once a month for "looking after" the kids.

Have a look into childcare for the one's that will need it and see how much you would have to pay. Remember you can get WTC for childcare which pays something like 80% of the childcare.

Ex-Spendaholic

For the money my youngest gets lunch and dinner 3 days per week, eldest gets dinner 2 days per week and middle child dinner 3 days per week. No they don't spend money on them as such. If they go anywhere I pay all the costs. Eldest 2 always have some pocket money on them and if they are wanting sweets or whatever pay themselves. Youngest doesn't ask for anything.

I am fully aware that childcare would cost more elsewhere. However would I be paying for that childcare for a year and not recieiving it?

neneromanova

Yes you basically pay the childcare person for a space for the children and for that space to be kept open until you need it again. Obviously you could cancel, which would be a months notice or something, and then go back and see if they have any space when you needed them again, but the fact that your parents aren't actual childminders or run a nursery you don't need to look at it like that. If that was the case then your parents should be declaring the money to Inland Revenue.

julie03

BAILEYS6904 wrote: »

I actually think you're getting a bargain!!!

getting a bargin is one thing, taking all the other crap that goes with it is another.

ailuro2

With registered childcare there would be rules, and if your child was on holiday you would have to pay to keep that place available. Same goes for an ordinary childminder, if you wanted them to keep the place open you would normally come to an arrangement where you paid them some wages to stop them taking another child on and thereby excluding yours once your maternity leave was over.

tbh it might be cheap but it doesn't sound like your kids are getting the best out of your childcare arrangements.

We have no other childcare apart from our childminder, so we don't get nights out either. She is older than your kids though, so in a few years we will be able to leave her for a bit while we go out by ourselves.;)
( I don't talk to my mother, father is passed on. They never ever looked after DD - they were bad enough with me, I'd not inflict that on my own DD! DH is in same situation - his family live over 2 hours away)

picnmix

Ex-Spendaholic wrote: »

I'm glad I'm not the only one with difficult parents picnmix.

No-one gave up a job to look after my kids so there is no loss of income there. In terms of their affluence, well I wouldn't say they were rolling in it but they do go out drinking one night per week and my mother always seems to be buying new clothes.

OMG, hope it didn't come across that way, my parents are in no way difficult, they are kind and loving, and are fantastic with the kiddies, when my mum looks after them they are always doing activities or going to the park or playgroup, this is why I carried on paying whilst I was on maternity leave. My mum didn't give up a job to look after my kiddies she was already retired. I just wanted to share my experience with you and tell you what I did so you could see that your not the only one going through this dilema. We are all different and deal with things the best we can, at the end of the day its your decision, just wanted to share so you didn't feel isolated on this one.

As for the post above - no my parents do not have any luxuries, such as Sky etc, and I would never laugh at them, they are my parents whom I love dearly, and have always been there for me and my siblings to help as they can, many time I would imagine sacrificing for us whilst we were children. I love and respect my parents, and would never belittle them in such a way.

Ex-Spendaholic

Sorry Picnmix, I probably didn't phrase things well.

To be fair the kids are taken to the park and they do jigsaws, painting etc with the youngest. When I say that she gets on with things what I mean is that she is not one of those kids who demands 24/7 attention and is a real handful.

mishkanorman

BAILEYS6904 wrote: »

I actually think you're getting a bargain!!!

If you were to use a childminder, it would be a lot more expensive than this, and you still have to pay the normal rate for any days while the child is sick, and also if the childminder has days off (upto a certain amount, of course).

Its alright saying that they dont cost your parents anything, as you fund days out etc. Do they take the children to the shops, or buy them things? My ex looks after our son when I am at work, I still contribute money for cost of food, sweet buying etc. Clearly I dont pay as much as a childminder, but while my ex is looking after our son, he doesnt have the ability to work, doesnt receive benefits as his partner works, and is a lot more flexible than other child care options.

Maybe your parents budget treating the money as an 'income'. If so, its not fair to expect them to stop and start this when it suits you? 4 kids childcare, even outside playgroup/school hours would cost a lot more than £150 a month with any other arrangement

except the OP isnt getting a 'childminder' who is qualified, trained and registered to look after the children. They would provide a structured day that would include educational activities aswell as fun.

Im guessing the mother isnt registered as a childminder so this situation shouldnt even be going on, but thats another worry.

I think you need to sit down and address the situation, be firm and make a 'contract' between the 2 of you. Does your mother realise that you cant stretch your budget to pay for things you arent getting ? Dont blackmail her but point out if she cant meet your requirements you are going to be forced to find alternative arrangements. YOU are her employer, ive never been in a job where i tell my boss what hours i work, how much they pay me and then moan that its not enough,

good luck !