Opinions please on family child care issue

picnmix

Ex-Spendaholic wrote: »

Sorry Picnmix, I probably didn't phrase things well.

To be fair the kids are taken to the park and they do jigsaws, painting etc with the youngest. When I say that she gets on with things what I mean is that she is not one of those kids who demands 24/7 attention and is a real handful.

Hey thats ok I know things can get confused on here when reading someone elses post. I understand your predicament, and just wanted to let you know that is has happened to others. If I had been really upset by having to pay I would have definately spoken to my mum, but maybe that wont work for you. What I or anyone else thinks is actually of no relevance as only you know your parents and how to handle them. But really hope it works out for you without too much hassle.

moneysaver12

Whilst its nice that your parents look after your children, i don't think that they should expect the money when you are on mat leave. Fair enough paying when your children are actually with them but to me it seems that they are not getting the attention and activities that they need. If your mum wanted to look after your children so much and was going on to you whilst you was pregnant then i don't understand why she is wanting money when you are on mat leave and calling you a liar.

Surely for the times that they want to spend time with their grandchildren, when you are on mat leave then its up to them to pay for activities etc. If you offer to give money for these then that is different.

I would look in to seeing how much a childminder or nursery would cost and if you can get any help towards childcare. You wouldn't need to start paying until your baby actually starts with childminder or nursery.

JodyBPM

This is a difficult one, and I can see both sides. Firstly £150 a MONTH is ridiculously cheap for what they are doing for you, and probably doesn't do much more than cover the costs of the meals that they prepare for the children,drinks, toys and activities etc. Secondly, you seem to expect them to do extra in the school holidays by taking all three children all day, and don't offer any extra payment for that, so I can see how, when you reduce the workload they wouldn't expect you to reduce the payment - it's got to work both ways.

In all honesty, it doesn't seem like this is a good childcare arrangement that is working anyway. Perhaps you need to go back to the drawing board, and see if you can come up with a better solution - but I'd think that you would be hard pushed to have all your childcare needs met for £1800 a year, even taking into account that you pay when the children aren't there (which you would have to do anyway at nursery or childminder to keep the place). Round here is approx £5 per hour per child, so 3 days @1 full time and 2 after school would cost you around £750 a month, and about £1600 a month in the school holidays - so that £1800 a year isn't really such a bad deal!

picnmix

JodyBPM wrote: »

This is a difficult one, and I can see both sides. Firstly £150 a MONTH is ridiculously cheap for what they are doing for you, and probably doesn't do much more than cover the costs of the meals that they prepare for the children,drinks, toys and activities etc. Secondly, you seem to expect them to do extra in the school holidays by taking all three children all day, and don't offer any extra payment for that, so I can see how, when you reduce the workload they wouldn't expect you to reduce the payment - it's got to work both ways.

In all honesty, it doesn't seem like this is a good childcare arrangement that is working anyway. Perhaps you need to go back to the drawing board, and see if you can come up with a better solution - but I'd think that you would be hard pushed to have all your childcare needs met for £1800 a year, even taking into account that you pay when the children aren't there (which you would have to do anyway at nursery or childminder to keep the place). Round here is approx £5 per hour per child, so 3 days @1 full time and 2 after school would cost you around £750 a month, and about £1600 a month in the school holidays - so that £1800 a year isn't really such a bad deal!

Oooh well said, far more eloquent than I could ever be.:)

Plans_all_plans

mishkanorman wrote: »

except the OP isnt getting a 'childminder' who is qualified, trained and registered to look after the children. They would provide a structured day that would include educational activities aswell as fun.

Im guessing the mother isnt registered as a childminder so this situation shouldnt even be going on, but thats another worry.

Hi, can you clarify what you mean by this statement please? Thanks.

ailuro2

I think the poster means you're not meant to pay someone for unregistered childcare, if someone is making money from childminding they are meant to be registered, and of course declaring it to anyone concerned - tax, benefits agencies if it brings them over any thresholds.;)

Ex-Spendaholic

JodyBPM wrote: »

Secondly, you seem to expect them to do extra in the school holidays by taking all three children all day, and don't offer any extra payment for that, so I can see how, when you reduce the workload they wouldn't expect you to reduce the payment - it's got to work both ways.

I see your point. However during the months of July and August ie the school holidays they have been required to look after the 3 kids a total of 9 days. On these days the 2 eldest have been attending summer schemes in the mornings and been with the grandparents in the afternoons (although the eldest tends to be his friends in the afternoon)

Had I and OH not taken leave to cover both our and the grandparents holidays then they would have been doing 26 days over the period of 2 months so whilst they got extra kids full time for 9 days they managed to get 17 days off too. Also at Christmas, Easter, half term, bank and public holidays I am off too so they aren't landed with all the kids then.

galvanizersbaby

picnmix wrote: »

Oooh well said, far more eloquent than I could ever be.:)

Yes that's exactly what i thought!

OP - I was wondering are you planning on going back to work after you have had your 4th child and your years maternity leave is up?
I think that if you are you should look at the possibility of finding alternative childcare for some if not all of your children as your future childcare arrangements may need to be rethought as depending on your parents health/ability etc... 4 children is a lot to care for on a regular basis nevermind the financial aspect.

If you are not planning to return to work after your 4th child then hopefully there won't be a problem as you won't need your parents to care for any of the children so there shouldn't be an issue with paying them while your on maternity leave?

This does seem to me to be an odd arrangement all round which is clearly going to require something changing in the not too distant future

Ex-Spendaholic

Yes I will be returning when the 4th child is 1 year old. By that stage the 3rd child will be at pre-school from 9am to 1.30 pm, the middle child in school until 3pm and the eldest in until 3.30 pm. My options are:

1. Return on the 3 days per week which I already do and either a) get a childminder/grandparents for 3 full days for the baby and after school for the others.

2. Return to work 5 days per week working 8.30 am - 1.00 pm. In this instance OH would drop the kids to school. I would still require grandparents/childminder/nursery for the baby but would be there for the rest after school.

galvanizersbaby

Ex-Spendaholic wrote: »

I see your point. However during the months of July and August ie the school holidays they have been required to look after the 3 kids a total of 9 days. On these days the 2 eldest have been attending summer schemes in the mornings and been with the grandparents in the afternoons (although the eldest tends to be his friends in the afternoon)

Had I and OH not taken leave to cover both our and the grandparents holidays then they would have been doing 26 days over the period of 2 months so whilst they got extra kids full time for 9 days they managed to get 17 days off too. Also at Christmas, Easter, half term, bank and public holidays I am off too so they aren't landed with all the kids then.

From what you are posting it would seem that you see the situation with you in the position of an employer of your parents sort of?!

As others have mentioned if you were using a registered childminder/child care facility you would still be paying them regardless (and possibly to keep places open while on maternity leave) but obviously it would cost an awful lot more than you are paying now

I find the whole set up a bit bizarre tbh - some would say they are doing you a huge favour as you are paying them next to nothing (in comparision with the cost of other childcare) to care for their 3 grandchildren and others would say they are the grandparents so shouldn't expect to earn/profit from caring for their grandchildren.

I seriously think that you should look at whether you would be able to work using any other form of childcare (inc tax credits etc..) - and if this proves to be non financially viable and you wish to continue working then I would sit down with your parents and try to come up with something you can all agree on - i think that if it were me I would be inclined to offer to pay them more than 150 per month