Family vs The Law: eep, what should I do?

Savvy_Sue

Badger_Lady wrote: »

Hey, she's got my credit card and PIN at the moment... I trust her not to abuse it (and check online daily in case she does!).

I'm sorry, but WHAT? :eek::eek::eek:

You do realise that if she either DOES abuse it, or someone else (a friend of hers?) gets hold of it and abuses it big time, or there's some completely unrelated fraud, you will at best have extreme difficulty to get out of being liable for the whole bill, however large it is, and at worst you will NOT get out of being liable for the whole bill.

And it doesn't sound as if your sister will be much help in paying it off.

Now given that a colleague had their Ebay, Hotmail and PayPal accounts hacked last weekend, and only by chance realised that someone had spent £1000 on their credit card, WITHOUT anyone getting anywhere near their card or PIN, is that a chance you want to take?

I'm sorry if I'm being blunt, and I know people say all the time that so and so has their PIN, and they trust them, etc etc etc, but the banks don't care: if you give someone else your PIN, and something goes wrong, you do not have a leg to stand on. In some cases you could even be implicated in the fraud.

Get it back, and change your PIN, please, if you value your credit score and your sanity.

Oh, and you are sometimes still asked to sign, how does she get round that, or can she forge your signature as well?

BitterAndTwisted

Badger_Lady I'm sorry to say it but I echo every single word of Savvy_Sue's post.

Given what you've described of your sister's irresponsible behaviour, her skankdom, drugtaking and especially her extremely shabby treatment of her ex-OH I would not in a million years part company with a card and PIN! A person who could behave in such a way to someone they once expressed love for and planned a life together with I doubt would think twice about dropping you in the !!!!!! if she had to. Because naturally you are the one person in the world who could be relied on to forgive her, whatever she did.

Get that bloody card cancelled! If she needs to borrow money let her ask for it in person and make sensible arrangements with you about how she'll pay it back

Savvy_Sue

Oh good. I was worried I might be coming across a bit strong, but if it was someone I was face to face with I'd be a LOT stronger! :rotfl: Face to face I could at least give a hug and a tissue at the same time as expressing my rather strongly held opinion that anyone who lets someone else have control of their credit card and / or PIN either needs their head examining, or is asking for everything they're likely to get.

I love my DH dearly, and we have a joint credit card, and I trust him to the ends of the earth, but I was appalled to discover that his and my PINs are the same, and that he knew mine. They are the ones issued with the card, so actually I feel I want to take this up with the card provider.

I have occasionally passed my card to one of my sons for five minutes while they place an order for something I've agreed I'll pay for. And I love them dearly, and trust them almost to the ends of the earth, but there is no way I'd let them have my card for any longer than it took them to make that agreed transaction.

It's just not worth the risk, IMO.

Badger_Lady

Well so far she's had it for a week and spent a total £80 in Morrisons. I'd rather she did that than not

She's bringing it back next weekend when she comes to visit. I really do think she's getting back on the right path again now.

Make-it-3

Badger-lady your sister sounds like a very flaky character and is in a downward spiral. I'm also worried about your very horizontal approach to her activities particularly financial ones that seems to have started from a very young age (defrauding cc companies at aged 15).

While its great that you have such great faith in her that she'll never try to rip you off, she is already doing so by using your cc and PIN - you do realise you will be liable for anything that gets run up on that card!

It almost seems as though she has a mesmerising hold over you and manages to convince you that swapping identities and defrauding companies is just a bit of fun. If you don't come to your senses she will be dragging you down with her before long.

CheeseCat

Did she ask permission to spend that £80? I hope so because if not you never know, it could be a 'test' to see if you notice and if you don't mention it it could then really start to add up!

You sound like you really care for your sister and that is why you don't want to upset her and you want to help her out, but letting her use your credit card for food and essentials just enables her current lifestyle and doesnt give her any encouragement to stand on her own two feet.

Sounds a bit like she might need some tough love BL

Badger_Lady

CheeseCat wrote: »

Did she ask permission to spend that £80? I hope so because if not you never know, it could be a 'test' to see if you notice and if you don't mention it it could then really start to add up!

I told her to buy whatever she needs... at the time it was supposed to be a train ticket to London where she was being paid to be photographed by an artist there, but she cancelled the photoshoot to see her GP instead and has spent all week going for various tests at the hospital.

I know she's stopped taking hard drugs now, and the whilst the medical attention might be hyperchondria at least it's not damaging to her health.

The one rule was "don't withdraw any cash" because the fees on my card are extortionate for withdrawals, and I believe such things are now recorded on one's credit history...

BitterAndTwisted

I'd have lent her the money for a train-ticket to London if it entailed going for an interview for an actual job, not just to have her ruddy piccies taken.

Has she shifted her @rse to try and find some gainful employment yet or is she still sponging off her friends?

I hope she's telling the truth about these health appointments and not just stringing you a line to get your sympathy. I had a pal who was involved with hard drugs a while back and the lies told at the time were very plausible. Had me fooled for quite a bit, any way. Not that I lent her any money, thank God.

Badger_Lady

I only had my credit card with me at the time and the banks were closed (11pm on a Sunday). I needed to borrow some cash for the toll bridge, so she gave me her last tenner in exchange for the credit card.

It's almost certainly not a lie... she really is convinced that she's about to drop dead at any second!

And modelling is her "gainful employment". She's now renting a flat from a private landlord and keeping up with it, hoping one day to pay of the debts she accrued this year.

JC9297

You go from not mentioning drugs, to saying you don't think she has does drugs, then to saying don't think she is addicted, to now talking of her having been on hard drugs. You obviously love your sister but you need to accept that you are enabling her, how was she paying for the drugs - your money? You say she is only a little younger than you, but she is being allowed to act like a child by not taking any responsibility, you are not responsible for her. You say she was miserable in her old life and you don't want her to go back to that, she doesn't need to but she does need to sort herself out. I worry that you are incredibly trusting and naive where she is concerned - the nightclub job and modelling sound very dodgy to me (drugs don't enhance your looks!). I know you want to help her but giving her your card is a big no-no, take her shopping if she needs stuff and you are happy to pay. I also echo other's surprise at your relaxed attitude to her fraudulent behaviour both recently and in the past.