Family vs The Law: eep, what should I do?

Fridge2

Badger_Lady wrote: »

Although I sincerely doubt that she would dump me in it (she'd readily dump other people in it but would draw the line at her own sister),

This is a red flag for me.

I don't know you, and I don't know your sister, but as has been mentioned before by other posters you have to consider the possibility she is on drugs.

Yes, I know you said she knows what she is doing, but a change in behaviour like that suggests she is on to heavier stuff and it is out of her control.

I worked with addicts for years in the prison Service and I can tell you right now that family ties will mean NOTHING when the need becomes great enough.

I realise that she is your sister and you love her, but it's a simple case of self-preservation here...you just cannot afford to do this...tell her that you will always be there for her, but that you can't commit fraud for her.

DVardysShadow

Badger_Lady, stick to Lodgers, you know where you stand with them.

Brighton_belle

Badger_Lady wrote: »

She told me about the loan company because I asked... and I'd be more than happy to 'pretend to be her' for an application. We've accessed eachother's bank accounts before, used eachothers passports as photo ID - it's very handy having a double out there, and we trust eachother implicitly. We always, always have the other person's permission before pretending to be them, so there's no harm in it.


I don't think she sees it as stealing... it's loopholes that the company are silly enough to leave open. It's moneysaving.

If you weren't such a regular poster, I would have assumed this was a wind up.
This is stealing, lying & cheating and fruadulent.
She isn' desperate for the money: she has a ticket to come home and she just wants it to repay friends.. and she'd be very angry if you didn't comply???
I'm a bit speechless now tbh.

Badger_Lady

Aah! Now she's sent me a link to an online application for a Vanquis bank card! She says it won't let her complete it from a foreign IP address so could I do it for her...

I've had a chat with my closest friend, who knows my family as intimately as anyone I know, and he's chimed in with exactly what you guys said, so that's it - I won't do it.

My only dilemma now is how to keep our relationship running smoothly whilst avoiding this task. I can just avoid answering my office telephone today (no-one important ever rings anyway) and tell her they never called. I'm not sure how to get around the card application

RAS

Badger_Lady wrote: »

Aah! Now she's sent me a link to an online application for a Vanquis bank card! She says it won't let her complete it from a foreign IP address so could I do it for her...

is she barmy? Is she actually regsitered on the electoral register at the old house?

Otherwise she will be rejected.

Brighton_belle

That's a good decision OP.

I'm afraid you my not be able to keep your relationship running smoothly.
She is probably going to start emotionally blackmailing you next..."If you loved me" etc etc.
It will be very tough to deal with. But keep talking to your friend and perhaps on here to help you through it.

puddy

yes, the hard part is not the decision is the follow through, are you tough enough??

BitterAndTwisted

Badger_Lady wrote: »

My only dilemma now is how to keep our relationship running smoothly whilst avoiding this task. I can just avoid answering my office telephone today (no-one important ever rings anyway) and tell her they never called. I'm not sure how to get around the card application

Just be direct and truthful and tell her you won't do it or anything like it. That way, she won't try and find any other dodgy schemes to involve you in.

Your relationship running smoothly should not be dependent on your willingness to commit fraud!

Lend/give her money you can't afford and offer her a sofa to kip on if you want but don't get ensnared in anything that could land you in prison: no sibling can be worth that risk, can they?

Fridge2

Badger_Lady wrote: »

My only dilemma now is how to keep our relationship running smoothly whilst avoiding this task. I can just avoid answering my office telephone today (no-one important ever rings anyway) and tell her they never called. I'm not sure how to get around the card application

The sad fact is that you probably can't.

I hate to break it to you, but if (as seems likely) she is addicted, then getting drugs is her primary concern. Any family relationships will be very much secondary, and she will only see you in terms of whether you are an obstacle or a means to getting what she wants.

Be prepared for her to cut you off or become downright hostile, or worse to use emotional blackmail. There is nothing an addict won't resort to.

Of course, this is a big assumption that drugs are the problem...is it possible she is being extorted or blackmailed in any way?

Badger_Lady

I don't think she is addicted. Really don't, actually. The two of us took a week abroad to visit distant family members in June, and she treated it as a detox opportunity - had real withdrawal symptoms the first night but then relaxed and had fun.

I bet she'd struggle to find drugs during a week's holiday to a foreign country (where she is now).

It's just that she's lost the will to work, and isn't entitled to benefits. She has a legitimate debt from her house sale and is accustomed to being able to afford any luxury she wants (hangover from the salaried job she quit). Her new group of friends are largely homeless (living in campervans etc), jobless and living the hippy lifestyle so she's felt no impotus to get off her bum.

I expect she might find the reality of it harsher in winter...