Im a bad mother....

74jax

brians_daughter wrote: »

just incase it makes you feel a tad batter i was exactly the same at 13 (minus the food in room - my parents never allowed that)

My mum reigned me in by doing the following...all very embarrassing now i must admit!

She moved everything out my room except the bed and a small bedside chest of draws and i mean everything minus bed, chest of drawers and the light bulb!!

My mum did something similar. She emptied my room in to the back yard. If I wanted anything I had to put it back in the room tidy.

I lost a lot of stuff, including a huge record player which I couldn't be bothered to move. Mum NEVER replaced this, I lost lots of clothes, including school clothes, which again she didn't replace.

I think this is a fab idea, but you have to see it through and be prepared to throw away things (even sell maybe)?

notsayingaword

I'd be extremely worried about the laptop being left on - it could have caused a fire especially if you went away without switching it off. My 14 yr old ds left his bedroom window open while we went away for a week AFTER I had been round the house checking everything was turned off and locked up. Luckily it was on the security catch so only slightly open and couldn't have been further opened from outside, but that's not the point - I had checked and he had thoughtlessly reopened it. Luckily my neighbour had noticed and kept an eye on the place for us just in case. However he does keep his room (reasonably) clean. Stick to your guns OP, your DD needs to know her boundaries and what is and isn't acceptable.

mumps

I will vote for the "leave her to it" solution. My rule with four teenagers, three now out of teens so only one to go, was if the door was shut it was their business but if they left the door open and I saw the mess they had to clear it up. In my book life is too short to go to war about a teenagers bedroom. They do grow up. If my sons bedroom gets too horrific we mention reports about rats being seen in the neighbourhood. It usually inspires a clean up.

amersall

When my dd was 13 (she is now 28) she was just like most 13 year olds, bedroom messy , untidy etc.I got so fed up of arguing over all this with her, i took a roll of black bin liners upstairs into her bedroom and filled them with everything, and i mean everything!!( bar the bed etc) i was doing this while dd was screaming, crying, ranting and raving begging me to stop and she would be "tidy" from now on. I put them outside next to the bin and said to her "the bin men come tomorrow and if these are still there they are going on the bin lorry". Guess what? .... from that day forward, my dds bedroom was so tidy it put mine to shame!!.My family said i was cruel for doing that but i didnt care, it worked and serenity reigned supreme.

hngrymummy

My parent's were fairly relaxed about bedrooms. If it was a tip, then we had to live with it, not them. There were some rules though - our mess was not to extend outside the room, we weren't allowed food in there, it was tidied when we had relatives to stay, and we weren't allowed friends over at all unless the room was tidy.

For me, it's brought self-motivation regarding keeping the house tidy. It also means that I have a fairly high mess threshold, so when we're ill or too busy to do all the housework it doesn't stress me out. I had friends at uni who were made to tidy their rooms at home, and rebelled at uni so that their floors were covered in old pizza boxes, beer cans, fag ends, dirty clothes etc.

I think you need to look at getting her motivated to do something about her room, rather than doing it because she's been told she has to. It might be that you have to leave her to it until she loses something important, breaks something, or gets too embarrassed to have her friends over. (been there done that , and it's great motivation)

brians_daughter

amersall wrote: »

When my dd was 13 (she is now 28) she was just like most 13 year olds, bedroom messy , untidy etc.I got so fed up of arguing over all this with her, i took a roll of black bin liners upstairs into her bedroom and filled them with everything, and i mean everything!!( bar the bed etc) i was doing this while dd was screaming, crying, ranting and raving begging me to stop and she would be "tidy" from now on. I put them outside next to the bin and said to her "the bin men come tomorrow and if these are still there they are going on the bin lorry". Guess what? .... from that day forward, my dds bedroom was so tidy it put mine to shame!!.My family said i was cruel for doing that but i didnt care, it worked and serenity reigned supreme.

Lol, you're not my mum are you? :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Make-it-3

I'd be inclined to set a few basic rules and then leave her to it:

- If she wants sheets/clothes cleaned takes them and puts them in the laundry basket herself or they don't get done

- She keeps her door closed at all times so no-one else has to view the eyesore

- No crockery/cutlery or other family items are allowed in because no-one is going in to retrieve them.

Then let things fester, hopefully she'll come round when she has no clothes left, a smelly bed and a mouse/maggots crawling on uneaten food/wrappers etc.

Fang_3

I think you should go into her room and bag everything up bar the bed. When she arrives home tell her that anything that hasn't been sorted out and is clean and tidy, will go into the bin before you go on holiday. This will happen every week the day before the bin comes and anything that's untidy (even homework and expensive items) will be thrown out and not replaced. She'll soon learn.

GEEGEE8

I was a very messy child! All my mum demanded were all the little spoons back that I had in my room from cereal and yoghurts.. lol.

I did clean up now and then because I wanted to.

As an adult, I am very clean and tidy

pulliptears

Its not just her room, I should explain a bit more...

My MIL is the type that believes kids (and husbands) should be waited on hand and foot. When DD was small if I refused to let her have chocolate before a meal or some other such sin MIL would say to DD "Ooh she's a wicked mother". After a massive argument she finally stopped saying that one. As DD got older she would laze on MIL's sofa and shout for food/drink etc, MIL would stop what she was doing and get it. While she was there she never lifted a finger and despite our protests it never changed.

She came into MIL's lounge the other night with a FAB Lolly, when I came to sit on the sofa DD had gone off to do something else and the wrapper was still on the sofa!! I shouted her back and made her shift it, "she's ok" comes the usual reply from MIL. I point out she would not do it at home and Im not letting her do it here.

The behaviour carries through at home, if she has a dish we are lucky for it to make it to the sink, if it does it just gets placed in there unwashed. We have tried all sorts of punishments but its quickly forgotten. Its incredibly frustrating as she is a brilliant kid otherwise, she just expects everything done for her thanks to MIL.

I have always operated on the "Your room, your mess" theory, but as she is living in a dreamworld I have to go in there quite a lot to retrieve things or change the bed etc, most of the time I cant get through the door. She lost her phone charger about 2 weeks ago. I know its in her room but she cant be bothered to look properly. Fair enough I said when her phone is flat she will look herself. 2 weeks on its still missing, the phone is flat and she really isn't bothered about looking for it.

I really am at my wits end. Nothing seems to phase her at all.