Im a bad mother....

ailuro2

Well in years to come she'll be able to hide her boyfriend under the piles of dirty clothes on the bed, won't she?

As long as she's quiet no one will know.:rotfl:

OP hope you enjoy your holiday.:D

heretolearn_2

"I suppose you're the sort who thinks that your parents are only here to give you an easy life. "

Far from it Bill, I was a very strict parent about important things like having good manners, treating others with respect, doing your share of chores, working hard at school, eating healthily and so on, but when it comes to things like messy bedrooms, that doesn't hurt anyone else and doesn't effect the kids health/welfare, so as far as I'm concerned that's an area that's up to them.

looktothefuture

My 9yo stepson is only here 4 nights a week but his room is left tidy, clean and polished the Monday morning he leaves! I've explained to him at his home, his mother may or may not ask this of him (I'm sure his bedroom is a tip at home!) but while in this home, he lives by my rules or I start binning things when he leaves and he'll come back to a shell of a room! It's always worked for me! He now makes his bed, puts the clothes from his washing basket in his room into ours, gives the surface next to his bed a quick wipe and makes sure the windows are opened to air the room! :T

Craftyscholar wrote: »

And when did children start feeding themselves between meals?

Oh, this annoys me! Both SSon's hate that they aren't able to help themselves in our home! But both have had to get used to it as I will not allow them to snack their entire way through a large multipack of crisps in a weekend, or finish off what's in the fridge for school lunches or work lunches! (I actually forgot the eldest was at ours last weekend as because I wasn't hungry, I didn't make him anything to eat all day - - it was only at dinner when he came downstairs to grace us with his presence that I remembered he was even in the house!)

pigpen

I went in DD1's room while she was at school.. dragged EVERYTHING out.. every single solitary thing.. left her a desk, a bed and a rug.. I sorted out the stuff she was not under any circumstances keeping.. torn papers, unopened smellies etc.. 6 binbags of rubbish and 3 binbags for charity shop later she came in from school.. and went ballistic.. And was promptly presented with the remaining 3 boxes of stuff she could keep if she wanted to.. 2 of those ended up empty so she kept 1 box of stuff!!!

She hated me for about 2 weeks.. then decided she liked her decluttered/grown up room and could we decorate.. the deal was if she could keep it clean for 3 months I would decorate it.. we had a few compromises but 3 months later her room was decorated, she got a new bed/carpet/drawers and loves it.

Her room has a permanent carpet of dirty laundry but I just hand her a binbag and wash basket now and say do it or I will... and it is done!!

Now.. how to get piglike boys to tidy their sty is another battle entirely!!!

Mrs_Imp

Why not make an event out of tidying her room? A bit of mother/daughter time. Get some munchies in, some nice (non-aolcoholic) drinks. Have a session going through her clothes and your clothes - trying them on and making piles to keep and get rid of. Grab a takeaway at the end of it and watch a film you both fancy. That way it's less of a chore and a "though shalt obey my rules" (which children will rebel against) and more of a fun day spent with Mum. If it works, you could even suggest a yearly session of both going through your clothes together and having a girly day.

VK-2008

you are a good mum and seem like you want to do good by her.
because you are asking her to keep room tidy you are doing nothing wrong

kids need to learn to respect authority and do as they are told.

if you want your house tidy you have a right to have it that way. your child will need to deal with the consequences if she misbehaves and does not keep a tidy room.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Make-it-3 wrote: »

Then let things fester, hopefully she'll come round when she has no clothes left, a smelly bed and a mouse/maggots crawling on uneaten food/wrappers etc.

They don't always. Some seem to prefer living with creepy-crawlies, dust allergies and parents who actively avoid standing downwind of them. Especially if they have an equally malodorous boyfriend to reinforce their opinion that they are perfect. (and college tutors to wail at that she is being abused if you try and make them clean their room):mad:

Mine moved out rather than clean her mould infested, food waste filled pit, shrieking all the time that it was her little sister who was making the mess. And created when she discovered I had thrown out 8 binbags full of s--- from under her bed until I gave up, filled one small cardboard box with obviously important things and slung every last thing, including the bed. The fact that she only discovered this two months later suggests to me that she didn't need any of it in any case.

Needless to say, little sister has an immaculate bedroom now her stinking big sister has gone to pollute her father's place instead. She has impeccable personal hygiene standards as well.

Chuck the lot. You paid for it, so it belongs to you. If she doesn't care, then it's no loss to you either. And MIL is obviously sabotaging everything you do, so no visiting - 'you could if your room was tidied/cleaned/homework had been done but it hasn't, so you've got too much to do this week'.

If she complains about something going - and I would get rid of the laptop as well, as she will soon notice when she gets into trouble at school for not doing homework - and MIL sticks her oar in, then suggest that MIL buys the replacements and pays for the cleaner to deal with DD's pit. I would also suggest dumping her stinking stuff in binbags on your MIL's front doorstep, so she can take care of it all.

Some kids/teenagers are worse than animals, and idiot grandparents/parents/relatives that encourage them deserve to have the rubbish dumped on them.