No sleep

Cheeselady

Just wanted to come on here for some company, hope that's OK, not had much sleep last night due to worrying about our situation, and couldn't spend another minute in bed. My husband is not coping well either, which also worries me, sorry, just feel overwhelmed this morning and needed to get it down somewhere.

spirit

Hugs to you both, I know exactly how you feel cheeselady. Hang on in there though.

Christina x

Cheeselady

spirit wrote: »

Hugs to you both, I know exactly how you feel cheeselady. Hang on in there though.

Christina x

Thanks for the hugs, I'm sat here with tears rolling down my face, hoping to pull myself together before the rest of the family wake up.

determined_new_ms

hugs cheeselady {{{{{hugs}}}}} I'm not sure what's distressed you so much, but whatever it is its going to be ok. As long as you have your family things will be ok. Yes you have debt, but that's not the end of the world. Have you posted a statement of affairs and asked ppl for advice? x

Cheeselady

determined_new_ms wrote: »

hugs cheeselady {{{{{hugs}}}}} I'm not sure what's distressed you so much, but whatever it is its going to be ok. As long as you have your family things will be ok. Yes you have debt, but that's not the end of the world. Have you posted a statement of affairs and asked ppl for advice? x

Thanks for your support, it's just thinking of the whole effect that DH losing his job is having on us, and how on earth we are going to sort everything out, especially worry about the effect it will have on our children. We have a CAP advisor coming in two weeks, and am trying to get DH to fill in the SOA, but know we have about 80,00 of debts, mostly credit cards/loans but including tax owing from when DH was self-emplyed, which is due in January next year, but it's difficult at the moment, he is attempting to start up a new company with some colleagues but I'm really worried about the pressure he's under, he lost his job due to his boss's embezellment of the company, he is heading towards 60 now so getting a new job if the new company doesn't work out, well the chances are pretty slim at that age. I have gone through our direct debits and cancelled some of them, for magazine subs and other things which aren't essential, and have cut my food bill down to half of what it used to be, but feel really alone as I have no family or friends to talk to, and can't even ring a helpline as I have a hearing problem. Sorry to ramble on.

hackedoffatthem

Good morning!

Just wanted to say I've been up for a while too (cos I'm 36 wks pregnant and insomnia is my new best friend!).

I think about our debts all the time at the moment and todays worry is that I can't afford the rest of the new school uniform my two young boys need for Sept as well as new baby arriving.

I find being productive helps with the sleep problems. Perhaps write yourself a 'to do' list for today and tonight you can congratulate you and your hubby on how much you've done. Do you have piles of unopened mail that could be tackled? This was a biggie of ours which i tackled at the beginning of the week, but once i'd done it i felt a huge sense of relief that nothing scary had happened, they were all just words on a page and i was still here in one piece.

You've come to the right place and i wish you luck on your DFW journey. xxx

miss_empty_piggy

Big Hugs Also from me Cheeselady. You are not rambling on at all, you obviously need some support here, and sitting there alone makes it all seem worse. But you are not alone, you have you husband and children and you also have us on here, where you will get plenty of support. I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds like it is really getting to you. Life can seem extremely difficult when dedcisions are not in our control, especially as it was not your husband's fault about the job loss. It sounds as though your husband is trying to get things sorted in terms of building something new up for the future, and although it I am sure that this is difficult, it is a way of ensuring that for future financial control they will have more control rather than being in such a vulnerable position. With regard to the children, if old enough, just try to keep them involved (to an appropriate level with their age). My children are 5 and 11 and when times are tough they know if we haven't any money for luxuries. I tell them that sometimes we have it and sometimes we don't. I find that they are really good when we don't have any money because they understand that it is just one of those times. They don't ask for unnecessary things and I don't have to just keep saying "no" which used to make me feel like a crappy mum because they didn't understand why I was saying no, so then i'd get annoyed with myself too which isn't helpful either. They will be really supportive I am sure. The best thing to do for the immediate time is to get a SOA on here. The more proactive you can be the better. I know sometimes you need time to let it all out about your situation, but there are also times when you need to be doing stuff to. Go with your feelings, when you feel strong enough to do something then try to do it, when you need to sit and cry, then just let it all out. Go with your body / mind. It will help you to get through, and as I said, use this forum for support, it really will help you to feel less alone. Big Big Big hugs to all of you and your family. x x x

miss_empty_piggy

Good Morning Hackedoffatthem

congratulations on the pregnancy. Don't worry about the school uniform. I know it is a worry, my DD1's new school uniform costs about £200!!! and exOH refused to go halves but you will get through. Remember you new little one will not need very much to begin with, and having a loving family is what's really important.

Also, congratulations of the positive attitude. We all know that it's not always easy but you have to keep going, well done for tackling that post. I think that the anticipation is often worse than the actual doing. Well done. Proud of you, it's not easy. Breaking down the BIG goal into smaller more "do-able" chunks can make things easier. x

Cheeselady

hackedoffatthem wrote: »

Good morning!

Just wanted to say I've been up for a while too (cos I'm 36 wks pregnant and insomnia is my new best friend!).

I think about our debts all the time at the moment and todays worry is that I can't afford the rest of the new school uniform my two young boys need for Sept as well as new baby arriving.

I find being productive helps with the sleep problems. Perhaps write yourself a 'to do' list for today and tonight you can congratulate you and your hubby on how much you've done. Do you have piles of unopened mail that could be tackled? This was a biggie of ours which i tackled at the beginning of the week, but once i'd done it i felt a huge sense of relief that nothing scary had happened, they were all just words on a page and i was still here in one piece.

You've come to the right place and i wish you luck on your DFW journey. xxx

I have been making lists and doing what I can, but this morning just woke up and it all overwhelmed me, so had to come downstairs. Thanks so much for your advice and support, and I wish you all the best with the new baby.

miss_empty_piggy wrote: »

Big Hugs Also from me Cheeselady. You are not rambling on at all, you obviously need some support here, and sitting there alone makes it all seem worse. But you are not alone, you have you husband and children and you also have us on here, where you will get plenty of support. I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds like it is really getting to you. Life can seem extremely difficult when dedcisions are not in our control, especially as it was not your husband's fault about the job loss. It sounds as though your husband is trying to get things sorted in terms of building something new up for the future, and although it I am sure that this is difficult, it is a way of ensuring that for future financial control they will have more control rather than being in such a vulnerable position. With regard to the children, if old enough, just try to keep them involved (to an appropriate level with their age). My children are 5 and 11 and when times are tough they know if we haven't any money for luxuries. I tell them that sometimes we have it and sometimes we don't. I find that they are really good when we don't have any money because they understand that it is just one of those times. They don't ask for unnecessary things and I don't have to just keep saying "no" which used to make me feel like a crappy mum because they didn't understand why I was saying no, so then i'd get annoyed with myself too which isn't helpful either. They will be really supportive I am sure. The best thing to do for the immediate time is to get a SOA on here. The more proactive you can be the better. I know sometimes you need time to let it all out about your situation, but there are also times when you need to be doing stuff to. Go with your feelings, when you feel strong enough to do something then try to do it, when you need to sit and cry, then just let it all out. Go with your body / mind. It will help you to get through, and as I said, use this forum for support, it really will help you to feel less alone. Big Big Big hugs to all of you and your family. x x x

The children are 16 and 20, so yes old enough to know what is going on, the 20 year old knows a lot more than the 16 year old, obviously. They are great kids, which makes us feel even worse about how this will all affect them. They are both still in full-time education, but the 20 year old has a part time job as well, and the 16 year old is looking for one at the moment, but not had any luck yet. You talk good sense, I guess this morning is one where I need to sit and cry and get it out, and then can move on and get things done when I've ran out of tears, thanks so much for your support, it's really appreciated.

sammy115

Hi Cheeselady.

I was in your position a couple of years ago so I can understand what you are going through.

Couple of things...maybe you shouldn't wait two weeks for a CAB advisor..you could maybe call the CCCS and ask them for some immediate help. Just talking to someone helps.
Make sure you are claiming everything you can claim.
Keep talking to people you owe money to, but don't let them bully you into payng more than you can afford. Remember your priority debts are what are important, mortgage and council tax. We managed to keep up with the mortgage and virtually eat and nothing else but we got through it.

As to the self assessment tax that is due, does the payment include payments on account for the next years tax. If it does he could ask that these be reduced to nil given that his self employment is now ended. If you are unsure as to what it includes feel free to pm me.

Cheeselady

sammy115 wrote: »

Hi Cheeselady.

I was in your position a couple of years ago so I can understand what you are going through.

Couple of things...maybe you shouldn't wait two weeks for a CAB advisor..you could maybe call the CCCS and ask them for some immediate help. Just talking to someone helps.
Make sure you are claiming everything you can claim.
Keep talking to people you owe money to, but don't let them bully you into payng more than you can afford. Remember your priority debts are what are important, mortgage and council tax. We managed to keep up with the mortgage and virtually eat and nothing else but we got through it.

As to the self assessment tax that is due, does the payment include payments on account for the next years tax. If it does he could ask that these be reduced to nil given that his self employment is now ended. If you are unsure as to what it includes feel free to pm me.

We can't claim anything yet, as DH is getting a nominal monthly payment from the new company, paid by one of the people who is trying to set it up with him, but that will run out in about 5 weeks or so, not sure what happens after that, they are going to have a meeting next week to determine this. We actually rent privately, and have looked into housing benefit, and have the application form ready if/when we need it. We have also set up a basic bank account with the co-op bank, if we need that in the future, something I read about on MSE.

I'm not sure about the tax, I think it is tax he owes from the last year, I will have to check with him, thanks for your help, I will get back to you if I have any questions, thanks for your kind offer.