Help me please, I don't know what to do.

all_hours

You say you have personal debt repayments of £1500 - this doesn't include the 2 loans listed in your SOA?

Can you post the APRs, limits + minimum payments for the loans, CCs and overdraft - what I've added below is only an estimate.

The food bill is high - even if you were to do an IVA, DMP or go bankrupt I think the allowance would be smaller than this for a family of three.

Do you really need 2 cars? - sorry I've just reread your first post and see you are planning to sell one.
Your gas and electric bills are high.

My salary - after deductions and pension 1700
Partners salary - 1800
Benefits - 100

Total - 3600
==================
Monthly Outgoings:

Mortgage/Rent - 900
Secured Loan - 750
Council Tax - 157
Ground maintenance - 15
Nursary - 415
Pet insurance (2cats) - 30
Mortgage protection - 60
Gas/Elec - 95
Water - 35
Mobile - 30
TV License - 11
Sky 7
Phone - 21
Food - (inc all childs needs and toiletries, etc) 400
Car Insurance - 60
Car tax - 16
Petrol - 140
Buildings and Contents - 37
Life Insurance - 40
Other loan - 180
Family car running approx - all in (insurance, petrol, tax) 160
Total: 3559

===================
MBNA Visa 8000 160
Smile Visa 10500 210
HSBC Visa 10000 200

Smile Loan 7900 158
Cahoot Loan 12000 240
Egg Loan 16300 326
HSBC Loan 14300 286

HSBC Overdraft 2000 40

Based on 2% of the balance
Monthly debt repayments 1620
===================
Total outgoings 5179

Surplus/deficit -1579

Triker

Hey, just wanted to say really glad you posted, a lot of us were getting worried about you.

Look, please believe this, you have taken the first step, posting what your going through on an open forum probably goes against everything you have done before, sure it's annonymous but also very personal writing about stuff that you can't share with your loved ones just yet,rest assured people can and will try to point you in the right direction, mainly because many have been where you are.

I'm guessing that as you described yourself as a person who is good at hiding what is really going on for you,this has been especially difficult but please just go with the flow and try to stop fretting so much.

Everything takes a little time, not only to get your head around but also to try to put actions into place, remember tiny steps, one at a time if need be.
Keep posting so we know how you're getting on, Cheers for now, Triker

gallygirl

Bless, you poor soul, what a terrible burden you have been carrying. Until you feel you can tell your wife feel free to post on hear as often as you can, there's always someone here with a virtual hug for you, even if we can't physically do anything to help.

Just a few points:

As others have said, your gas and electric are v high. Check prices with uswitch, register with quidco and swap.

Your food costs are also high. This is where you could make some BIG savings. I know it's hard when you are both working full time but you need to cook from scratch, shop in Aldi, Lidl etc, they really are much cheaper. Set yourself 1 day a week to cook & prepare meals for the freezer. Sign up with freecycle and ask for a slow cooker, if you haven't one already. You can cook meals for very little in them - bulk out meat with beans, pulses etc. If you don't think you like them at least give them a try - and you can add red lentils which will give bulk, but not really much taste. Look on moneysaving old style for suggestions.

If you are having a lot of calls from debt agencies change your phone number and go ex-directory. You don't want them hassling you on top of everything else, and it's something concrete you can do, something you can have some control over.

Finally, if you decide bankruptcy is the option - who cares????? no-one will know unless you tell them. Most unlikely it will get spotted in the paper. Yes, they may have to contact your work, but it's all confidential - because it's confidential you won' be aware that there no doubt are others at work in the same situation. Saving face is the least of your worries. A friend has just gone through the process - the relief to her is such that she's actually TELLING people what's happened as she feels such a weight has been lifted off her shoulders, she feels free for the 1st time in years.

Good luck and keep in touch.

ali xx

desperatedad

Just snuck on here, feel like a naughty schoolboy looking at something he shouldn't be whilst his parents are oblivious downstairs watching tv...

Sounds about right there on the minimum payments of all my credit, hence no opion, but to look at dmps, ivas or bankruptcy (whihc scares the hell out of me).
Nope that doesn't include the secured loan or the loan that comes out the joint account as shown in that soa. Like I said, we kinda have our own accounts (hence how I have got away with doing what I've been doing for so long) and we have a joint account with a standing order form our own accounts to cover all the important stuff straight after we've been paid. Hence never missed a mortgage/secured loan payment, or any of the utility bills or council tax.

As no matter what I or we do there is not enough money coming in to cover the outgoings, the aprs and minimum payments seem a little pointless (sorry if that sounds off hand, not intended to be), but all my credit cards are maxed out and I can't move anything around for a better deal and I certainly wouldn't be able to get any new credit, even if I wanted to, which I don't, because I'm just sick of it and myself.

My gas and electric are high because our orignal direct debits were setup too low so well fell a bit behind. THey then increased it to make up the shortfall within one year, but of course the rates have been going up and up all year anyway, so suspect it will take a little longer than originally thought. By the time we break even the bills will probably be so high that they will be £95 anyway!
This has also stopped us from switching as we would have to settle the difference up front.

Yes the food bill is high, but nappies and the like add to the normal food bill and the nearest supermarkets are all sainsburys. I'm sure we can get it down a bit.
The guy looking at an iva for me said the lowest food budget they normally put in for a young family is £330 a month.

Can anybody on here tell me what would happen in my particular case if I were to declare myself bankrupt?
I've already been told I wouldn't lose the house as long as I proved we were in negative equity...
Would my wife lose her car? We couldn't live with no car at all!
Would it have any implications with my employer?
When I came to remortgage would I be completely screwed?
What would I have to do and what would I have to supply?
What would they take, especially bearing in mind my car might be beyond economical repair.
Would I lose my recently opened bank account where my wages are now paid?
Would I force the closure of our joint 'bills' account as it has my name on it?
Would someone have to come around to value the house and look at all our posessions for valuation?
What happens at court?

Again I know it sounds terrible, but would I be able to go through bankruptcy without my wife knowing so that once it was all over I could then turn to her and explain what had happened, but that I was bankrupt and had no financial strain any longer and things in a few years time would be a lot easier?
I really need to be sorted if and when I open my heart to my wife for a second time

Sorry for all the questions, I know I can talk to the CCCS but they are so busy all the time and shut by the time I leave work normally

By the way, I didn't want to say as it will totally give me away if any of our close friends or family read this, but the reason this has been so very hard and why I haven't been brave enough to deal with it is because of my wifes childhood. When she was very young her father got into some considerable trouble with gambling and lost everything (he did some even more stupid things than me and thats saying something) and then committed suicide leaving her mum in a terrible situation. Some of the things they went through before and after that sad day I find it hard to take in, suffice to say back in them days it was very unpleasant, especially regarding debt collection.
I just wanted to put you all in the picture as you have all been so considerate.

Its funny how easy it is to talk to complete strangers (no offence intended), but its so hard to talk to your closest friends and family.
Hope that makes sense...

desperatedad

gallygirl

DD, thanks for sharing with us. Your poor wife had a dreadful childhood - but that's all the more reason to share with her now. If you go bankrupt you would lose your home - she needs to know this is a possibility, but as you have separate finances is there any way she couldhelp out? has she any 'spare' income? You may be able to keep your home with an IVA etc, don't know about this. I do know however if you go bankrupt you will be allowed a car if you need it for work, assuming it's a 'sensible' one.

We all feel for you, wish there was something we could do to help x

bestthingsinlife

:grouphug: well done DD.
This is my first post on here and you have prompted it -even though I have been reading these messages boards for a long time and I have never posted in the past.

I am in exactally the same situation as you, in fact whilst reading your post I did wonder if you were my husband!! the pay, circumstances, everything are nearly identical.

Sorry I can't advise you on debt, see my sig but I wanted to say how brave you are and wish you all the best in finding a solution, the people are here are so knowledgeable and lovely, you have come to best the place xx

full-time-mum

I understand your reluctance to tell your wife but if I were in her shoes and my OH kept all this from me, I think it would do more damage to our relationship than the debts/bankruptcy itself. Having said that, only you can decide when/what/how you tell her and what effect her past will have on all this.
I sure it would make it a bit easier for you (and her) if you can have some positive plans to sort the situation out when you tell her but the longer you leave it, the harder it will be. You have already made a big start on that - at least you can show that your head is no longer in the sand.

I would also think that it is going to be very difficult to resolve your problems unless you work as a team. If your wife is oblivious to the situation, then she is not actively working to prevent the debt increasing (cutting food bills, remembering how important it is to turn off the lights, restricting the number of choclate bars as treats, turning down the heating or whatever!)

You are in a very tricky situation, but I'm sure that there are a lot of people and threads here that will provide you with food for thought and support.

I think that childcare vouchers straight from salary has already been mentioned. In terms of childrens toys/clothes, look out for your local NCT nearly new sale - you can get some mega bargains in clothes and toys. Most branches will be having their autumn sales around this time.

When my girls were smaller, we managed to produce bulging Sacks at Xmas for very little and they have always had second hand clothes supplemented with a few choice newbies - saved me £100s over the years.
I understand your reluctance to give away any info that might identify you so you can either PM me your rough locality and I will try and find out your nearest for you or do it yourself at
http://www.nct.org.uk/local/events

Good Luck

Toomuchdebt

Janey51 wrote:

I swear the people on this board are like Guardian Angels. They are circling round looking for all of us who suddenly realise we're about to fall off the edge then, when you think you're about to slip off, down they swoop and start to lift you back up :A

I love that

desperatedad-I have only been here a short time myself but you have done the best thing by posting here-everyone here is so helpful Hang in there.You must tell your wife-she deserves to know.I would hate to think that soemone kept something like that from me.

Goldielocks

desperatedad wrote:

1.Can anybody on here tell me what would happen in my particular case if I were to declare myself bankrupt?
I've already been told I wouldn't lose the house as long as I proved we were in negative equity...

2.Would my wife lose her car? We couldn't live with no car at all!
3.Would it have any implications with my employer?
4.When I came to remortgage would I be completely screwed?
5.What would I have to do and what would I have to supply?
6.What would they take, especially bearing in mind my car might be beyond economical repair.
7.Would I lose my recently opened bank account where my wages are now paid?
8.Would I force the closure of our joint 'bills' account as it has my name on it?
9.Would someone have to come around to value the house and look at all our posessions for valuation?
10.What happens at court?

OK Desperate Daddio, I can maybe answer a few of your questions, having just been declared bankrupt myself!

1. I'm not sure about the situ with your house, so I can't comment.

2. Cars are allowed in bankruptcy if it is shown that you need a vehicle for work purposes. If you live 5 mins from work and say you need a car - then no will probably not be acceptable! Also the value of the car plays a part - as a very rough guideline, usually anything above the value of 2K would not be allowed. For example, if your car is worth 5K, they would sell it at auction and then give you some money back to buy a runaround. As an example, my car is worth between 2.2K and 2.5K - I just had a letter yesterday from the OR telling me they are allowing me to keep the car (whooohooooooo)

3. Depends on your job. There are certain professions that undischarged bankrupts are not allowed to practice in e.g. MP, Solicitor etc. If you're not doing anything like that then i can't really see BR as being a problem. The only way somebody can get a whiff of what's going on is when the OR applies for a NT (nil tax) to be applied to your salary - so payroll may guess what's going on. I can't see why you should have to tell your employer unless you're doing one of the jobs which you are not 'allowed' to do. Aside from that - it's your business, not theirs!

4. Can't really comment on this as have no experience. Going on other comments, yes I believe you can get a mortgage in the future but you would have to pay higher rates as you are high risk.

5. Prob best to look at the insolvency website for this, a lot of info on there and easy to understand.

6. They are interested in assets that they can sell at auction to realise some of the money that you owe. They are not going to be interested in your TV worth a few hundred or anything like that - usually 4 figures is what they're after - things like valuable antiques, jewellery, plasma TVs etc etc.

7. Depends on the state of your account and which bank it is. You can always open a new 'basic' bank a/c after BR. I did it on the same day I went BR, no prob at all!

8. I don't know the answer to that one sorry!

9. Again, not sure about the house. As for possessions, again depends if they are high value. You state on your BR forms what 'assets' you have and details and how much you consider the worth.

10. OK quick precis here. You fill out the BR forms either online or manually. You get an appointment at the court. You go and you have to pay the fees which are £475. You may or may not have to see the Judge. If you do he/she will just ask if you have sought professional advice and thats it really. You will not be interrogated or judged! Most people report being with the judge for about 20 seconds! I didnt even see the Judge! Judge stamps your papers and thus you are now bankrupt. Next step is interview with the OR. He/she just wants to find out where the money has gone and try to rule out it has not been used fraudulently/gambled/drug abuse or that you have not hidden or disposed of assets.

I'm not saying it is easy, pleasant or nice. I have done it and the thought of doing it was harrowing. I am pleased to say that the actual procedure was relatively pain free and now I am free of 60K debt :j The weight of burden that has lifted off my shoulders is immense!

You must discuss this with your wife though as you will not be able to hide the proceedings from her.

Please feel free to PM me if you have any more specific questions. The only things I have no knowledge about is joint bills or houses as I am single and do not own a house!

Keep your chin up, everybody is here to help you.

G

halloweenqueen_2

I know you don't want to but if you told your wife, she could probably cut back on some food expenses etc by looking at the old style board. It may be more of a trust issue if you don;t tell her and she finds out rather than a money issue you could both work towards getting out of.
I'm glad to see you back on here, I wish you all the best,good luck!