Help me please, I don't know what to do.

southernscouser

ts_aly2000 wrote:

Get the house in your wife's name NOW.

Personally I don't think this is a good idea for 2 main reasons.

Firstly there are bound to be legal complications for signing the house over. Possibly deception/fraud, I don't know but it sounds a bit dodgy.

Secondly, should you and your wife split up (touch wood you don't) then you are effectively left homeless and with no comeback! :think:

Well done for posting though fella. You certainly are not alone and if it makes you feel better there are people in more debt than you.

Have you come totally clean with your wife? It's the only way forward. You are both going to have to make changes because clearly you can't afford the lifestyle you were living.

Firstly you need to prioritise bills/debts. Mortgage, council tax, electric, gas, water and food are number 1. Even if that leaves no money for anything else tough. The rest can't have what you don't have.

Mirtos

bump. Are you there desperatedad?

halloweenqueen_2

The best thing you can do is keep going, there are some situations in life that seem that you will never get out of them and 'whats the point'. When you have finally emerged from that dark place you will be glad you never left your wife and daughter behind. Your daughter won't care if you go bankrupt - all she wants is her Daddy with her.
Keep talking to people on here, no matter how small a problem seems someone can help you or has been in the same situation, however large the debt it can be overcome, you've taken a few years to get to this point and it may take a few years to get out of it, but we would like to keep your company on here and through it all.
Talk to your wife, talk to your creditors and talk to people on here who can help, we can't pay it off for you but one day you will be on here advising people how to get out of the situation.
Good luck and I wish you all the best.
Keep with us!

quantumleap

Just continuing to bump this. I think it is important for desperatedad to stay in contact.

chloe99_2

bump - has anyone pmed desperate dad?

southernscouser

Guys, can I just point out this post from Martin thats at the top of the board. Particularly the bit at the bottom.

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/announcement.html?f=76

mandy6979

Bump.......

desperatedad

Hi all, wow, 28 replies in 24 hours, you guys and gals are fast!

Thanks for all the kind words, I have to admit, I'm a bit choked up

Hmmm, SOA, I will try to find it and fill it in shortly.

No, my wife isn't completely in the picture and I know thats terrible, but after what I put her through last time and how it effected our relationship and with her own personal past I want to have myself organised before I consider putting her in the picture so I can say, look, I screwed up again, but I can't get credit for a very long time and I have already sorted out an affordable solution.

Its very hard for me to post on here in case she does see this and picks up on it. If I tell you the biggest reason you would understand...

Can't remember everyones name or what they posted, but thanks to all. A few things though...

CCCS don't do IVA's and all IVA's involve charges by the practitioner (as far as I understand). The biggest worry with this is struggling and defaulting on it as its so totally maxed out based on the budget they recommended, then there is the possible equity release after 4years (if we have any).

Also worth noting is that I have £230000(ish) secured on the house and its only worth £210000 at the most.

I am leaning towards the CCCS DMP as it is more affordable and there is a good chance that I can increase my monthly payments bit by bit to bring the time scale down, but so much could happen in that time and the crunch will be when the mortgage comes up for renewal and we still have the secured loan and so are in negative equity.

I've seen a doc and I have consistently high blood pressure, but no surprise there, she didn't seem too alarmed though.

I dunno about my mind, its kinda weird, I really wouldn't ever do anything so stupid as it would not be fair on my family and I've always been quite a strong person (I dealt with 6years of hell behind my wifes and familiy/friends backs and passed myself off as an easy going happy kinda guy!), but sometimes I just have bad/daft thoughts at random times. Sure once I get something sorted I'll be alright and will certainly sleep better!

Kindest regards to all

desperatedad

southernscouser

You know bankruptcy is still an option? :think:

I won't pretend to know what you go through emotionally but many others on this board do but and they say it's not easy at all but they all have one thing in common. The weight being lifted of their shoulders when they are declared bankrupt. Don't totally discard the idea as at the moment it's an option like anything else.

As for not having told your wife yet I think it's an excellent idea to have the plan in place on how you are going to fix it rather than just dump it all on her.

I'm not sure what you mean by us not understanding and if it's too personal for you to talk about then I'll shut up but this is an amazing community as you already know with the response you have had. We all come from different walks of life and have many different reasons for being in debt but one connecting thing is that we are all in the same debt boat and no one person judges another. We are here to enjoy the good times and lend shoulders and ears for the bad times. :beer:

desperatedad

Monthly Incomings:

My salary - £1700 after deductions and pension
Partners salary - £1800
Benefits - £100

Total - £3600

Monthly Outgoings:

Mortgage/Rent - £900
Secured Loan - £750
Council Tax - £157
Ground maintenance - £15
Nursary - £415
Pet insurance (2cats) - £30
Mortgage protection - £60
Gas/Elec - £95
Water - £35
Mobile - £30
TV License - £11
Sky £7
Phone - £21
Food - £400 (inc all childs needs and toiletries, etc)
Car Insurance - £60
Car tax - £16
Petrol - £140
Buildings and Contents - £37
Life Insurance £40
Other loan - £180
Family car running approx - £160 all in (insurance, petrol, tax)
Total: £3409?

Personal debts as listed before. The minimum payments on all of them combined comes to something like £1500, but obviously on the credit cards they put the interest on top of the credit after the payment is made and it doesn't ever look like its going down.

Thats obviously from a joint point of view too. From my account/wages I pay £1200 to cover the joint account bills, after that I need to pay for food and normal life expenses, including helping out with travel costs, etc. Realistically I think I need to pay more into the joint account to help out there and make sure eveything is covered.

My car costs don't come out the joint account. £2100 goes in the joint account between us and hopefully just about covers everything except our cars and nursary fees (which my wife is just about managing to pay) and the food which we share the cost of.

My car WILL be going, unfortunately its !!!!!!ed and might not be economical to repair for sale, will have to wait and see...

Don't have much to show for my debt, but am sorting some stuff out for sale.
No savings.

If anyone who knows me recognises me by my posts I will never be the same man again, I just don't think I could take the embaressment or the shame and wouldn't be able to face any of my family or friends

If my wife reads this and recognises it, then all i can say is I'm so very sorry and whatever happens I will always be there for you and our little girl for what its worth and I love you both very much. Our little one means more to me than anything in the whole entire universe and nothing will stand in my way in seeing that she has everything she needs and grows up with both of us around. She really is the most precious thing you've ever seen, but then I guess all parents would say the same, but she relly is a little sweetheart. Right, I'm going now, got myself all emotional again, thank god the wife is already asleep in bed.

desperatedad