Children - Are they worth it?

nej

Here's another point of view apart from the whole love thing that I and everyone else has said:

1. It's someone to look after you when you get old.
2. It's a handy source of spare kidneys.

Julieboo

Well, only you can really answer that question but for me I could not imagine a life without kids. Yes, its been stressful, monies been tight, the noise of kids playing can drive you mad, the endless nappy changes, cleaning snotty noses when they are little seems endless but I wouldn't change this for the world. I have 4 kids and would like more, why? because they bring so much happiness, always make you laugh just when you are about to cry, say the funniest things (and yes the most embarressing things) and xmas and birthdays are the best.
When I was younger I used to say I never want kids but an unplanned pregnancy changed all that and it was the best thing that ever happened. Changed my life totally but made it far richer and inspired me to do things (go back to education) that I perhaps wouldn't have done otherwise. I'm now downscaling my career and going self employed so i can work around my kids and already having made this decision I feel happier.
As my kids are getting older now I'm really missing little ones and I'm really hoping that one day I can have more....the thoughts of sleepless nights again are worrying but I know the look on their faces and the richness theybring to my life would be all worth it.
Best of luck.

p.s-it is only an assumption that we will/can get pregnant-I have worked with people who spent ages planning/thinking about whether to have kids or not only to find out they couldn't get pregnant.

Mrs_pbradley936

tee_pee wrote:

I could see on her face she was confused about their silence as when she says hi to me and family we all go into raptures.

!!

Take it from me before she starts school make sure she does not always win at races, card games etc. You do not realise that they are you whole world but when they go to school just another one of many. She will have a hard time adjusting if she always wins at home because the other kids won't let her always win.

lisa76

mclaren wrote:

Who ever is thinking "is a child worth it" - wont know the answer untill they see the little bundle of joy in their arms.

This is so true. From a young age I'd always thought 27-28 would be my age for having a baby, and thankfully things somehow worked out that way.

DD is 2 now and every day she makes my stomach melt with either a look, a giggle or a sentance that she comes out with. There is nothing more guaranteed to bring a tear to my eye than when she comes into bed in the morning and tells me she loves me.

Things are hard financially, especially since my husband left, but i am lucky enough to have some help from tax credits, and my mum is brilliant as well.

Sometimes I feel down that all my friends are out enjoying themselves and I am stuck in, but I know my time will come again when she's older - and I lived enough when I was younger!

It is a very personal choice, and I think one day the urge overtakes you and having a baby is the only thing you think about (in my case anyway)

Whatever decision you make, all the best xx

lil_me

I went from not wanting children to getting pregnant accidentally, and had my first at 21, changed my life forever but wouldn't change it for the world.

alwaysskint96

catkins wrote:

Most of my friends have children (mainly grown up now) and I have been amazed how many of them have told me if they could go back in time they would not have had children. They say they love their children dearly but given a second chance would not have them. I think they would not dare say this to someone with children because they feel that person would be shocked. Recently I was speaking to my brother in law's sister (who does not have children) and she said she also had had a lot of people (mainly women) say the same to her.

Yes i have heard this as well- and its probably also true for me

Janepig

FlowerBob wrote:

the 18 years of worrying.........

Only 18? I'll be worrying about my two until the day I die!!! When I was about 20, in one of my first jobs, I remember someone I worked with telling me that "kids are a life sentence". Those words have stuck with me and now I've got two of my own they are truer than ever. If I'd have had my way I'd have had them in my mid twenties at the latest, but DH wanted to wait, and wait.... and wait so I had DD at 31 and DS at 33 - then DH turns around and says he wishes he'd had them years ago!!! Arrrggghhhh.

I suppose "older" parents are more the norm now, but my parents were much older compared to my schoolfriend's parents and I hated it. DH doesn't understand as his parents were much younger, his Grandmother is only eight years older than my dad. But here I am doing exactly the same thing - in fact, DH was older when we had our first than my dad was having his first. And also had I had my children in my twenties as I wished, my mum would have had a chance to be a granny - as it is she passed away five weeks before DD was born and never got to see her.

Anyway, I will just have to try my best to be "down with the kids" despite my age!!!!

Jxxx

abijanzo

Only you know what's right for you as a couple. It's such a privellege that we can decide whether or not to have children in the first place! I know what you mean about not wanting to make a decision you'll later regret, but maybe somewhere deep down you do know what you want? If not then maybe right now isnt the time to make that decision.
We recently had to decide whether to have a 2nd baby or stick with just our gorgeous (nearly 2 yr old) girl. It also seemed like am impossible decision to make with pro's and con's at 50, 50. But I think we knew (very) deep down we wanted another and in the end the decision was made.
In a nutshell although it may seem like you need to decide right now in oredr to plan your lives, if you really can't decide right now then now is'nt the time to decide!
All the best to you OP - whatever path you decide on make the most of the benefits and be happy

tawnyowls

alwaysskint96 wrote:

Yes i have heard this as well- and its probably also true for me

And me, on both counts. Problem is, they don't have a second chance, do they? A man can walk away if he finds it too much, and won't really get very much flak, whereas a woman who does the same thing is considered cold, unnatural and downright evil. Coupled with the fact that they're the ones who take all the physical risk, do the lion's share of the caring, and usually take the big cut in pay, it's little wonder that more women really are considering whether it's worth it.

To the OP, I'd say from my experience, if you don't want kids you know you don't, and all the biological urges in the world won't change what you know in your heart to be true - as you're wavering, it sounds as if you do want a child. At the end of the day, though, you have to make the decision that feels right for you.

kit

I spent many years and had various types of treatment trying to get pregnant. In the end, I decided that I would stop trying and enjoy the extra freedom and money I had (compare to friends with children).

Then a few years on, I had a shock...... pregant, accident, totally took me by surpise! My partner and i had just decided to take a year out and travel the world.... needless to say that got cancelled!

My DD is now 18 months old. I find it hard to put in to words the feelings I have for her. It is a totally different kind of love than I have ever experienced before and I would do anything for her.

For me, having her is well worth everything I gave up. Travelling the world is unlikely ever to happen but I really dont care

BUT I'm not saying this would be the same for OP or anyone else. Its totally personal choice.