Children - Are they worth it?

sarymclary

If you are genuinely undecided, you have to ask yourself would you want to be a child with you as their parent? Will you be able to make that transition from being able to be selfish, to being totally selfless?

Until you become a mother, no one else can really explain how you will feel about it. I had a rubbish childhood. I haven't had a relationship with my parents for a number of years, but what they did teach me was how NOT to parent. I was pushed aside by a selfish drama queen, who would have much rather had a 3 bed bungalow than me. My father worked all hours to support my mother in the luxury lifestyle she believed she'd been denied by being a mother, although she was pretty talentless and wouldn't have had much of a career methinks!

Don't try to see becoming a parent as all sacrifice. I don't think you'll find any new parents having children without money worries, mortgages, etc., but then I don't think there ever really have been. If you can't bear the thought of not being able to have holidays abroad every year, upgrading the TV but not because it's broken, or anything else you spend your money on, then children probably aren't for you.

Take money out of the equation, and what else are you sacrificing? A relationship with your OH that's so close that a child would spoil it maybe? An inability to see yourself able to love anyone else, in which case don't consider a puppy either!

I'm a mum of 4. I've got teenagers, so I'm going through what's considered the hellish part, but it's actually OK. My children are my greatest asset, my proudest achievement, and the very best of me. I can't imagine a life without them, because it wouldn't be much of a life frankly. I don't know anyone else apart from my youngest son who can make me laugh so much with just a look. My 2nd youngest has blue eyes to dive into, and the funniest giggle. My 2nd eldest makes the best sponge cake, buys me flowers and shows me so much love, even at 13! and my eldest has a brain like a planet, but chooses not to use it, lives in another world, but melts my heart with a smile.

My 2nd eldest sister chose not to have children when she met her OH in 1976. At 48 they changed their minds, but it was far too late. They've had a very comfortable lifestyle, nice home, always had new cars, holidays abroad, etc., but I know that if they could do it all again, they'd have sacrificed all the material things for children.

The financial struggles do end, just be patient. Consider how you'd cope if you were (god forbid) unable to work again due to ill health? You'd cope because you'd have no choice. Parents cope with money and having children because they have to. Life isn't neatly compartmentalised most of the time. I wonder if you might have issues with control? I may be wrong, but don't be like my best friend who decided at 38 to start her family after building a good career, getting a comfortable lifestyle, only to be told she was already 2 years into her menopause (unknown to her). All the financial planning in the world couldn't help her out there.

Good luck with whatever you choose, just remember this isn't just about you, it's about an innocent person that you may be lucky enough to bring into this world.

gilly41

Hi
I have two children--aged 23 and nearly 21.They are the BEST thing that I have ever done with my life. I had my daughter at 19 and son at 21!!Very very young I know but they have been the loveliest things in my life. They are both away now at University and I really miss them. I am 42 and just beginning the next chapter of my life!
I cannot imagine life without kids but I appreciate not everyone feels the same.You must follow your heart----only you know what the right choice is for yourself.x

abbecer

I am really enjoying reading these lovely heartfelt posts. All too often you hear parents complaining about their children but have very little to say about them that is positive. I am human i do complain when i have a bad day with my kids but the good by far outweighs the bad.

Rebecca x