Children - Are they worth it?

nej

I wasn't too keen on "another" one (my wife has a daughter from a previous relationship. She's 10 now and has called me "daddy" for the past 4 or 5 years. Still not quite the same though...)

Then she convinced me to try, and she fell pregnant very quickly. Now I have a 10 month old son and he is amazing. I can't believe I wasn't keen on it before as I love every second I spend with him. I sit at work all day thinking about seeing him again when I get home (when I'm not on MSE!).

Absolutely the best thing I've ever done and ever will do. You don't know what love is until you have a child.

Not sure if I'm keen on another one, though....

divadee

So I suppose I wonder, what if myself and my husband have a child, end up never getting into a comfortable financial position, and then our child turns 16, says I hate you and we never see them again.

you could be millionaires and your child could turn round and say i hate you at 16!!!!!

a child needs love more than money etc....

mr divadee and me found it very hard when little miss divadee was born!!I wasnt working we only had his wage and most months would be 200-300 overdrawn!!!!

but we have muddled through now i have a part time job which is school hours 2 days a week, and my money pays for the nice extra things!!!!

liney

Remember when you have a baby there are lots of costs you will automatically no longer have. like socialising, going out clothes/makeup/shoes. Eating out. Hobbies you will not have time for. Hang on this was supposed to be encouraging.... what i mean is, you will automatically spend less money as a couple and small children cost very little.

rchddap1

The hurt I felt when growing up that my father didn't want me was soul destroying

My partner's father deserted him, his mum and 4 other kids when they were very young. The said thing is that he could never be bothered with him after that point. This is something my partner can never, and will never forget or forgive him for.

As a result he made a promise to himself that he'll always be there for his kids come what may. And he has. Because he knew what it was like to feel abandoned he makes sure that his kids always know that their Dad would move heaven and earth for them.

So I suppose in a way his Dad did have a very positive effect on his life despite all the damage that he did to him.

I can't guarantee that my bean that's currently cooking inside me will love me to bits or not. In fact I regularly have bouts of 'I'm going to be a terrible mother' syndrome (as I call it). I think that because I can't do x that means I can't do y or z or anything else right either. That's going to result in bean hating my guts. Then I end up in tears because I don't want to do anything wrong...which sets off my partner etc....

However, from doing a bit of research....ie, talking on various parenting and pregnancy boards....those feelings of 'I'm definately going to fail at this' are perfectly normal. In fact its abnormal not to have them.

I'm a first time mum...or will be with luck. There is no instruction manual or right way of doing anything because each child is different. I know I will get some stuff wrong, but I also know that I'll get some stuff right too. Its also not just me...my partner is here and will help me through.

I'm continually told by people around me that they think I'll be a great mum....and partly because I do worry so much about being a great mum.

And I suppose my biggest fear is regretting not having them.

Then there is your answer. If in the future you believe that you would look back and regret not doing something then I would suggest you do it. At least that way you can look back (even if it went wrong) and say "well I tried".

tiff

If you had a child, you wouldnt worry about how long you will have to pay your debts off for...it would still be important to pay them but the child would be the number one thing in your life.

the_prophet

Hi, not sure how I ended up on this forum but as I have an interesting and relevant story i will post it. I was told I could never have children when I was 18 and it never bothered me. I chose a path in life that meant I could basically buy anything and go anywhere I wanted (all be it with an alcaholic husband) I thought I was happy until one day I realised I did not know how flowers smelt (cliche sorry!) I took a huge step after lots of therapy and finally left said hubby, job, security, travel, horse etc... and at 34 opted to live in a room the size of a breadbin and go back to school and became an impoverished under graduate. Needless to say I was happier then I had ever been, had to walk every where as no transport and completely got back to basics. I felt I had ripped up my old map and started a new one and I really did feel like 19 again with my future ahead of me. I had some interesting 'experiences' (!!!) one of them being meeting a portugese chap that was a uni friends ex boyfriend. We met new years eve 1999 and whilst nothing happened there was something. 18 months later we accidentally got in touch resulting in me going over to Jersey (where he lived) for a weekend. Well er...... as we were both grown ups we had....well er.......FUN.... and I though that was that. We had actually had a brief chat about children costing the price of a ferrari by the time they leave home which he felt was a complete waste of money and I had to say that I agreed and as I couldn't have children anyway a ferrari sounded good!!!! Well this guy must have had super s***k or it was a mircle...but I was pregnent. It is difficult to explain the absolute shock I was in, pregnent at 37, at university, no home, no real income, with a stranger who lived in another country. It just couldn't have been worse and yes I did go down the road of termination. However after much soul searching and the father and I talking, crying, sharing etc I had the baby who conveniently arrived during my easter holiday and I then started my dissitation with baby in one arm and computer in the other. That was 4 and 1/2 years ago and i have just finished off the final school shop to get games kits, plimsolls etc.... because next week my gorgeous boy starts school. His dad and I decided that we would make a go of it and be a family and he moved over in 2002 and we got married last year on a budget wedding that cost £600. We dont have any money but we get fun taking a picnic to the park and kicking a ball about and I do what ever I can to budget and save money. I am an avid ebayer and have gained loads of tips from this site. I am about to see my light at the end of the tunnell and now that I am so much more finacially aware I can continue to work part time and so we can remain solvent and I get my time back.

I would say that you never know at all what is around the corner and I never NEVER thought I would be able to cope with anything like this...but it just shows you what we humans are made of.

I wouldn't change a thing xxx

HateMyself_2

Im in huge amounts of debt and yes some of it has been as a direct result of having kids and yes, could have got out of debt more quickly if I didnt have them.

BUT put it this way.

My children mean the world to me and actually are the only things that stop me feeling completely hopeless.

They give me the hope I need to keep plugging away at the debt and when Im having a down day about money I think oh well at least I have my kids.

They are, to me priceless.

rchddap1

Just wanted to say thanks for the tale. I have a lot going on around me at the moment and it really helps to know that someone in that sort of situation got through it well.

lisa_75

Having a child will be the greatest joy you will ever experience, there is no doubt about that.

However, it will also cause you the greatest worry and stress you have ever experienced (worry if you are doing it right, worrying about where they are, how they are doing in school etc).

It is a double edged sword, but the love you feel for them makes all the sacrifice worthwhile.

As other posters have said, if you thought about it logically you would not do it. It is not a decision you can approach with logic, a bit like marriage!

roversbabe

After years of trying for a child, DH & I gave up and we were firmly on the child free side of the fence and were happy with our decision. Out of the blue, I found out I was expecting and was shocked and terrified.

DS was born 2 months ago and he now makes me so happy. I expected to resent him a little like wigginsmum has mentioned because we'd decided on staying child free, but surprisingly, I don't.

Taliwillow, only you can decide whats best for you and your partner. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck.

rb x

EDIT - if we thought about how much children cost, no-one would have any