invited to wedding and evening do?

spongebabs

I think Shellsuit's right to be honest, I'd find it quite rude. I suppose it depends how close they live to the place you're getting married, but even then, they'd have to get all dressed up watch you get married, then leave to come back later. Seems a strange thing to ask them to do.

fly_dragon_fly

i was trying to be nice as they showed a intrest in the actual wedding but i cant afford to feed them but i get your point x

magicgirl

right, i have done this and sent FORMAL invites for teh wedding to everyone. there are people i have 'invited' to teh wedding ceremony only (its in a church so open house anyway but i want as many people as possible to share my day and they ALL understand the financial concerns that come with a wedding and are actually honoured that i want them to be there at the ceremony) and people i have invited to ceremony and day but not night and then the people i have invted to the ceremony and evening.

I always knew this would be the case so planned my invites accordingly. i have made my 'main' wedding invites and teh printed the day and evening reception cards so everyone gets a wedding invite and then the appropriate reception card as required. none of my invited guests have taken offence and in fact, many people are pleassently surpried to have been invited at all which would not have been possible had i not done it tis way around.

gandy

i'd probably go with sending them just an evening invitation with a little slip of paper included to say if they wish to come to the ceremony and then give them the details of where and when.

at least that way they know it's just an evening invitation but they're more than welcome to come to the ceremony but it's up to them in the end.

hayleythedaisy

There is another thread on this here. https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2312743

this was my take on it then, and still is now! I don't think it is rude at all. I think it is quite nice, I know loads of people (mainly older) who would like to come to the church, and would be ok with doing that and coming back to the night do. And I also know a few who wouldn't particualarly want to stay for the meal but would like to go to the church so they would be well chuffed.


I have been invited to a wedding like this and didn't mind. I did mind that they invitation was really unclear so we didn't understand and "rocked up" to the reception. We were mortified when the best man came over and told us to leave lol. (We took the opportunity to go to our wedding venue for lunch lol)

So PLEASE MAKE IT CLEAR!!!!!

I would invite with something that says on the front "Evening Invitation" and inside
"you are invited to the evening reception of XXX"
"Should you wish to join us at the church we would be delighted to see you there, the ceremony starts at..."

Obviously worded properly just wanted to clarify the seperateness of it!

And I wouldn't worry at all about what people do in between, firstly, it's your day and if people want to take offense frankly F* them!!! (Sorry getting wound up by all the not being able to do what you want/spend £100's extra not to offend). Also it is entirely their choice to come to the church, if they feel that would be awkward to arrange then they can just come to the evening.

Hope this helps, sorry if I ranted at the end!!!

tamarto

hayleythedaisy wrote: »

And I wouldn't worry at all about what people do in between, firstly, it's your day and if people want to take offense frankly F* them!!! (Sorry getting wound up by all the not being able to do what you want/spend £100's extra not to offend). Also it is entirely their choice to come to the church, if they feel that would be awkward to arrange then they can just come to the evening.

Hope this helps, sorry if I ranted at the end!!!

:eek::eek::eek:

So because we are getting married we can be as rude or pain in the !!! as we like because it is our day? I don't agree. Only Fly knows here Aunts and only she can say whether they would see it as offensive. I do agree that i think worded properly an evening invite with a note about the ceremony is fine though.

hayleythedaisy

I think you might want to re read what I have written, as I didn't write that at all, and I am a little upset that you have suggested I had.

It is your day. And if you want to invite people to come to the ceremony and the evening reception then why shouldn't you. And why should you worry about what they will do in between? They have the choice to come, and if they then approach you to say could you suggest anything we could do in between then fine.

No where did I say be rude to people. I simply said if they choose to be offended by being invited to share the ceremony as well as the evening reception with you, then F them, why should you worry about people like that who can't appreciate the gesture.

As it happens, I got married last month, and everyone has commented on how nice the day was an how well everything had been planned for the guests, however I compromised on things like our honeymoon to be able to invite who we wanted to and have a full day. But I do understand that people have very different priorities and some people cannot afford the things they want to do anyway. If they can only afford to invite guests to the evening but would like to welcome them to the ceremony too, why should they have their day compromised by people getting offended by it??!

shellsuit

I'd feel bad though inviting them to come to watch us get wed, then watching them slope off to do whatever while most of us will go onto the venue to eat and drink.

We were actually meant to get married elsewhere, but it was a bit out of the way for the majority of the family (I was thinking of travel there are back home for them) and the bar prices were shocking, so we decided to have it near to home with more normal bar prices.

I'm not having a hen night because I don't expect people to put their hands in their pockets just for me.

And we didn't want to have children, but I can understand not everyone can get a babysitter, so now kids are more than welcome. (In the evening as the people in the day have grown up kids)

Everything we have done has been with the guests in mind.

We don't want to upset them or make them fork out shedloads of money just for us.

If everyone around me is happy, then I'm happy. If people around me are unhappy then I'm not a nice person at all :mad::rotfl::rotfl:


Saying that though, I don't see anything wrong in inviting people to the evening and enclosing a separate note saying where the ceremony will be and the time of it and mentioning that they can come and see you get wed if they wish to.

I just don't like the idea of an invite saying 'You are invited to the wedding of Tom and Rita at Westminster Abbey at 1pm, and to the evening reception at Stringfellows at 7pm'.

BUT! It's not my wedding and of course people can do whatever they want! (Them's just my opinions )

tamarto

hayleythedaisy wrote: »

I think you might want to re read what I have written, as I didn't write that at all, and I am a little upset that you have suggested I had.

It is your day. And if you want to invite people to come to the ceremony and the evening reception then why shouldn't you. And why should you worry about what they will do in between? They have the choice to come, and if they then approach you to say could you suggest anything we could do in between then fine.

No where did I say be rude to people. I simply said if they choose to be offended by being invited to share the ceremony as well as the evening reception with you, then F them, why should you worry about people like that who can't appreciate the gesture.

Actually

'firstly, it's your day and if people want to take offense frankly F* them!!! (Sorry getting wound up by all the not being able to do what you want/spend £100's extra not to offend).'

Is exactly what you wrote, the fact that people get offended isn't always about the fact that someone doesn't want to spend extra money, infact that is rarely the issue IME.

Why should we worry what they do in the middle? Well possibly because they are our guests and will have gone to a lot of trouble to attend the bits we want them to.

hayleythedaisy

So instead people should do what? They want to offer the invite to people whom they cannot afford to invite to the meal.....

First option - invite them only to the evening reception, where some people may have liked to have come to the ceremony.
Second option - invite them to the entire day and get a loan to pay for it.
Third option - scrap your wedding breakfast entirely, so you can invite everyone to the same bits, move your ceremony later and go straight from there to the evening.
Fourth option - invite them to the ceremony and the evening reception, be understanding if they choose not to come to one or other part of it as they wouldn't know what do to in between, if they asked for suggestions of what to do in between then provide them, if they took offence that you had chosen to invite them to both the ceremony and reception, then don't stress yourself about it.

Personally I would go with the fourth option.