It's STILL tough and not getting better - so how are we coping?

mardatha

I just tried them with solids and when they took it I stuffed it in My daughter was 3 weeks and eldest son 5 months. I dont think you should listen to HVs too much because it's easy for them to say do this or do that - they arent DOING it - you are !

Rummer

Ladies and Gentlemen I need your support.

I feel like I am drowning. My OH has still not found work and since he was made redundant in June all the money has gone. He has been applying for things and going for interviews but with no joy and I am now starting to panic. My salary just covers the bills and I don't know what to do anymore.

jackieglasgow

Rummer, have a huge hug from me. Is it your husband who refuses to apply for JSA etc.? If I'm wrong I apologise, but if not, you need to talk him into gettiong down there ASAP Monday morning. If nothing else, he will get credit for his NI stamp. Have you checked www.entitledto.com if so, again I apologise, but sometimes you need someone to point these things out to you when you are in a panic.

Has your husband become depressed? If you think so, you should try and get him to the doctor, if he's really depressed he may be able to applu for incapacity benefit at the moment, which should give you some breathing space. How are you managing for food etc.?

Kitcaboodle

Rummer - I agree that it's worth going to the Jobcentre asap if you haven't already done so. Not least because there are some benefits that don't pay out until you've been signing on for X amount of time, so it's worth signing up as soon as possible. Good luck!

Gailey - I plan on going with baby led weaning for DS. He'll be 5 months old tomorrow and I suspect it won't be long as he is already absolutely fascinated when we eat!

Not all companies get back straight away, especially public sector ones. I had an interview in February for a public sector job that I finally got the job offer for in September & DH got his council job 3 months after his interview (and after he'd already started another job on much lower pay). So, fingers crossed that your hubby hears some good news from them soon!

ceridwen

RUMMER

Sorry to hear that.

I'll echo the thought that has your hubby applied for benefit. As a married/living together person he is entitled to 6 months worth of benefit before they start taking your income into account. I'm not sure when the "timer" starts on that 6 months - ie whether its right at the start of unemployment or as from the first benefit payment. I imagine it starts as from the first benefit payment???

Has he got a suitable N.I. record - ie having worked on a PAYE basis and paid his N.I. stamps okay for the last couple of years or so?

My second thought is whether it might be useful for you to post up here a Statement of Affairs (like people do on the Debt Free Wannabee Board). Though I'm assuming you don't have any debt - it might help us identify areas where savings might possibly be made on the bills.

When you say that you are only just able to meet the bills - am I correct in thinking that means theres no money left over for weekly expenses (eg food, etc) and the rent or mortgage payments? Or - have you included those things as under the heading of "bills"?

seasalt_2

Hi Rummer and welcome. Lots of great people and useful advice and support here.

Off the top of my head, have you/OH applied for all the benefits/tax credits you are eligible for?

Have you made a budget so you can see exactly what comes in and where the money is going?
Can you see anywhere at all you can make savings eg by changing gas/electric/phone/broadband providers to get a better deal?

I have not done this myself yet but I know there is somewhere on here (Debt free wannabees?) where you can post your incomings and detailed outgoings and other people can comment and suggest savings. (Most people are positive and encouraging and helpful so if you do this, just ignore the minority who are not!) Not all the boards are as friendly as this one from what I've seen. Have a read and see what other people have posted - that in itself may suggest savings.

Lots of useful threads and advice on this board about stretching household budgets, food shopping, cooking from scratch and generally creative make do and mending. And, just as important, lots of support from other people who are or have been in the same boat. Freecycle and charity shops can be great resources.

Is there anyone who would look over OH's CV, job applications etc and suggest improvements/tweaks there? It sounds as if he is getting interviews though so must be getting the application part right to get that far. Interview technique? Has he ever rung and asked for feedback about why he wasn't chosen. He need not be doing anything wrong, of course, might just be ten good applicants and only one job.

Is there anything else he/you have always wanted to do that might bring some money in? Not necessarily a whole new business/lifestyle - there are lots of threads doing things like challenging you to make £10 a day or cut your grocery bill in half or save all your small change in a sealed pot or have non-spend days - all smallish things but doing something, however small, makes you feel as if you are at least swimming and not drowning even if the land is still rather a long way off. Good luck and keep posting.

I am sure someone wiser than me will be along shortly to help - in fact it's taken me so long to post this they prabably already have!

ceridwen

..and just for right now for today...then I would advise reading all the suggestions starting to come in and then going out for a walk with a notebook and biro tucked away in your handbag.

Well - personally - I find that helpful when my head is spinning round in "what do I do now?" circles. I find out what useful bits of information I can and then make sure I've got notebook and biro besides my bed (for those ideas that come up just before or after a nights sleep) and go out for that longish walk with a second notebook/biro by me so that I can note down any ideas that come through as I'm walking along with my current problem left "on hold" till I get back home again and start "tackling it" again.

I'm a great believer personally in having times where I just leave a problem "on the backburner" for a few hours whilst I wait for my subconscious mind/guidance/whatever it is to "click in" and start coming up with any useful ideas/different "take" on how to view the issue.

gailey_2

Kitcaboodle wrote: »

Rummer - I agree that it's worth going to the Jobcentre asap if you haven't already done so. Not least because there are some benefits that don't pay out until you've been signing on for X amount of time, so it's worth signing up as soon as possible. Good luck!

Gailey - I plan on going with baby led weaning for DS. He'll be 5 months old tomorrow and I suspect it won't be long as he is already absolutely fascinated when we eat!

Not all companies get back straight away, especially public sector ones. I had an interview in February for a public sector job that I finally got the job offer for in September & DH got his council job 3 months after his interview (and after he'd already started another job on much lower pay). So, fingers crossed that your hubby hears some good news from them soon!

2nd what kit said

big hug rummer problem shared is propelms halved they fab on dfw board it you post statement of affairs.
You checked www.entitledto.co.uk or checked benefits board see if you getting all help you eligable for often taking action makes me feel more positive.

The baby wed weaning was so much easier was so stresed and upset weaning the first as felt like such a battle but baby rice is bit grim.

public sector took 3months for sister to start her admin job in nhs they dont seem to hurry where jobs concerened in public sector still hope.

im so cold and its darkish out there looks like rain.
wrapped kids up warm eldest went on scooter one year old on bargain ebay trike which she loves but cannot steer and feet cant reach the peddles but mabged to nip round local shop pay a bill get some choc and get back again unscathed!

really must get motivated to do stuff babys having late nap.
eldests watching c beebies.

need to do some tidying and cleaning might have break from cooking today and let hubby do it as hes meant to be home early.

weird how weather forcast said nice today just not in bristol.
Hubby works in newport and according to his staff tickets to ryder cup are 220quid a day to satnd in rain and cold they must be nuts.
Appenrently not sure on accuracy of this as surly be in news but sounds nice david beckham flew in and not he could get room in celtoc manor so in var he asked some bloke if he had room and said how much left on your morgage and he wrote bloke 70grand cheque for his room how nuts is that!

Rummer

My Oh signed on straight away and was initially really motivated to find work. I know his CV and applications are strong and he has been calling back for feedback and it has been the case that others have had more experience so there is little he can do on the interview skills front although he has been reading up on it, practising answers and doing mock interviews.

We just this year for the first time ever got ourselves out of debt and I am doing my best to keep us out of it. I have followed the advice on here and looked into all our bills getting the best prices etc and have cut back our shopping bills as far as possible. Now I am going to have to cancel things and radically change the way we live. I just feel so overwhelmed.

stiltwalker

For those getting to the weaning bit, I started my DD at 15 weeks when she helped herself to pasta sauce out of my bowl in the Italian restaurant my mum treats us to lunch at occasionally. She was sat on my knee as still to small for the wooden high chairs they have there so it was in reach and obviously smelt too good to pass up! Just didn't tell HV as already had an argument with them about the way one had told me to make up bottles being contrary to my kitchen health and safety training and knowledge!

By the time she was 6 months she was doing proper chewing and dealing with good sized lumps. She now eats anything we put in front of her with the exception of baby mush and generally the children's menu in cafes - she wants the good stuff not nuggets and chips - yay she is a pleasure to eat with! Everyone always comments on how much she enjoys her food and I'm sure a lot of that is down to the fact we've not assumed she won't like stronger or more interesting flavours but just given her the chance to find out for herself.

Good luck and have fun with the food adventure.