It's STILL tough and not getting better - so how are we coping?

greent

Love that, sammy-kaye!

pennywisepound stupid - I used to work in a large comprehensive as attendance officer with student support responsibilities. Some of the stories from students there were heartbreaking. Some had obvious neglect (unwashed, unfed, basically uncared for - left to fend for themselves and younger siblings) Social services were involved, court action taken - but still it continued. However, the 'unseen' cruelty/ abuse (inc s*xual) of children from educated, reasonably well-off families is harder to see. Like a teen abused by her stepfather and mother knew but wouldn't do anything because she didn't want to 'fail' at this relationship. Outwardly all was well and teen's behaviour of seeing lots of boys was put down to teen rebellion, inc a pregnancy (terminated) at 16. Grades still continued to be high. Child felt responsible towards mother and wouldn't disclose to police (and was way above 16 when it came out) because she didn't want mother to be upset/ have major life changes/ it be in the papers etc. SO sad

I love my kids with all my heart. They can (and often do) drive me crazy, though! I wouldn't be without them for the world

pennywisepoundstupid

GREENT, its so hard because as you know with that kind of abuse you have to have so much evidence etc to do anything, at least with the neglect you can try to help teach the families with parenting courses, give the child a snack, go to lost property and find a coat for them to wear for the day (i had a child last winter come to school in a t shirt and thin pac a mac), some days you just feel helpless and wish you could bring them home with you, give them a bath, warm meal and a safe place to grow up.

carriebradshaw

Lindy_-_Loo wrote: »

I never knew that thankyou - have checked hair tonight and its okay, Im itching all over though!

I cant believe how expensive it is, I should get OH to check my hair really, pity you cant just get it on prescription just in case!

why don't you try and apply for this sample it's got nit repellent in

http://www.vosenekids.co.uk/nitwatch

they give away 1000 every week and it's 100ml bottle

it's got good reviews on the freebies board :T

mardatha

I can't help noticing that its seems to common for some mums to sit on their backsides all day watching tv/smoking fags/reading the Sun/playing computer games....while their kids run riot . Then they take the kids to the docs and say they can't do anything with them, kids get diagnosed with one of these new "syndromes"... the mum claims loads of benefits because of it, and goes back to watching tv on a bigger telly or playing games on a newer console because of the extra money coming in ! :rotfl:
But these kids will grow up to have lots of their own, and none of them will have the first idea of how to be a parent.

flowertotmum

Morning all...re the parenting ..i grew up with my so -called mother beating me until i was 16 when (i know its wrong) i hit her back...yet when she hit me that hard she broke a rib no-one including my teacher believed she was capable of doing it...she never hit my brothers or my little sister just me...i loved going to school it was my safe haven for 6 hrs everyday...i hated my childhood and as soon as i could i left home...so when i found out i was expecting my beautiful daughter andrea i vowed that i would be the best mum she could ever have..think i have done a good job..i never hit her,swear etc...i have never laid a hand on any of my 6 children..believe me its been trying at times but so worth it when they can say my mum never hit me...i have always put them first and always will...the benefits of this are hugs,kisses,snuggles everday...i love being a mum...
As for nits yuk bloody things...i got the vosene way before fern started school..i do her hair everyday and check it too...coz she's blonde you can't miss the little !!!!!!s...hate them...
Sorry ranted away there...but it winds me up when i see children being mistreated...makes my blood boil...hubby has had to remove me bodily at times coz i'm going to go say something to the mum or dad...i know what its like and i wouldn't want another child to suffer at the hands of its parents...sorry..sorry..going to go have a cuppa...
take care all

gailey_2

All this nit talk making em itchy hate the little blighters luckily eldests never caught it yet.

sammy k you have lovley kids you must be so proud and being a step parents harder still.

My parents split when I was 9 saw dad on weekends he pushed us with school and attended every parents evening.

mam has cleaning,bar jobs we have large family so always had nan or aunt ect.
mum also also did peoples ironing from home and picked ups up and took us to school until we were in secondary.

My mam hated cooking so we lived on mostly convieniance foods.
when I was 14 had really bad realtionship with her boyfreind at time and he was awful to me but mum just let him treat me like rubbish as she wanted relationship to work.
Lost count of times I was consoling my my mam and her problems as a teenager.
Mum had lots of freinds so was always out a lot and never felt like she listened or let me do things I wanted to do , she was alwasy quite negative ahh you never pass your alevels or go to uni proved her wrong there.


I never felt neglected in terms of we had enough food, we were not left alone and always clean well dresses, my mams a neat tidy freak .
But emotionally I felt there was huge gap which resulted in low self esteem and confidence and when i wanted to pick school or activity i was incapable of making right choice, I hated my secondary school.

I moved away at 19 never been back to live since mams remarried and moved.
her stepkids get waited on.
younger sister still living at home rent free and supported .


My upbringings made me think I want to treat my kids equal as favourtism caused huge rift still is.
That I want my girls to be able to talk to me and confide problems.
To pick best school for them not my convienience.
To allow them some extra curricular hobbies such as gym and ballet always wanted to do mam said no.music as well i wanted to play and instument then mam brought sister aflute paid for private lessons and brought her a 1200quid piano.
I try to praise my girls and ensure they confident, happy and skys the limit that they must try their best.
Matreialistically they dont go without get many 2nd hand bargains and love putting outfits together.
Have made commitment to family holiday as creates so many happy memories and allows us to spend quality time as family, rarly went way as kid now my mam goes 2-3times a year!

I contracst my girls life to my stepsons.

wheres hes been left alone.
run away twice but still trusts him to walk to and from primary by himself.
one weekend he came with no socks
im sure she packs worst clothes so we buy him some more as he always looks so scruffy.
She gets monthly maintaince plus extra for clothes/pressies.
materialisticaly goes on leat 1 foreign hols plus 1/2others in uk.
has x box, ipod, playstation ,pets.

But hes failing in school.
he has a social worker and educational pychologist

so something shes done with her parenting has gone horribly wrong as hes always in trouble for fighting,skiving, attacking his teacher.
He find its hard to get on with other kids.
makes no effort at all.
behavioural issues in anger management.

Hubby now sees him once a month for day as at moment his behavior poses a risk to my girls.
Its very hard when they have very different upbringing as he rebels against food, sitting at table, limited tv/computer, doing his homework, set bedtimes all stuff I as aprent take for granted as normal for a child.

My parents not the best grandparents rarly see the girls and dreading telling mam about no 3 as know she will go nuts.

I have baby asleep for morning nap
eldest in school all day.
raining and cold here.
chicken in oven going to attempt to make big batch of pasties.
also hubbys day off hes gone shopping and round mil house.
later hes helping me clean fridge as makes me sick its not dirty but onion in theres making me ill and cook a bog batch tomato sauce with tomatoes from garden.

sammy_kaye18

mardatha wrote: »

I can't help noticing that its seems to common for some mums to sit on their backsides all day watching tv/smoking fags/reading the Sun/playing computer games....while their kids run riot . Then they take the kids to the docs and say they can't do anything with them, kids get diagnosed with one of these new "syndromes"... the mum claims loads of benefits because of it, and goes back to watching tv on a bigger telly or playing games on a newer console because of the extra money coming in ! :rotfl:
But these kids will grow up to have lots of their own, and none of them will have the first idea of how to be a parent.

There are a few mums round here who have kids, they dont care for them, claim all the benefits under the sun and then pop out even more kids. There is a mum at Bens school who is 6 months pregnant with her 5th kid, to an alcoholic father (he is not father to the other 4) and her kids are always dirty, infested with lice, clothes are always dirty etc and its heart breaking cos they are lovely kids.

Another one complains she has it hard living on benefits with a demanding 6 year old and a one year old by herself but was she got every other weekend child free to go out drinking until I pointed out that EVERY weekend I have Ben, Josh, Holly, the dog, usually a football match of Bens to watch, plus all homework and reading BY MYSELF. Then pointed out the last time I went out was October last year to a wedding and the last time I drank was September 2002!!!! Needless to say I wish I'd had a camera.

greent

pennywisepoundstupid wrote: »

some days you just feel helpless and wish you could bring them home with you, give them a bath, warm meal and a safe place to grow up.

Oh yes - even just a big hug for some of them - they seem starved of signs of affection - however, even that's often frowned upon as un-PC

Anyway, back on topic It's much milder today, thankfully - no need for heating! However, it's rainy/ drizzly, so the washing won't get dry I think I'll put the heating on for a couple of hours tonight if the weather keeps up. That'll get some of the washing dry and also DS1 has a tutor (literacy) tonight and they work in the chilly dining room , so that'll need the rads on.

Have picked a load of ripe/ almost ripe tomatoes today - have put the almost-ripe ones on the windowsill to finish off. Still quite a few green ones that look as though they'll ripen (and a bunch which look as though they won't!!) runner beans are also STILL going strong - picking 2 large handfuls every 2 days. There's a few more courgettes coming along, lots of carrots and some chillis Think there's a few onions in the front garden too (planted quite a few but didn't water them so most didn't survive!) Have several; weeny butternut squash growing - just a case of whether they get big enough to fend off the slugs and don't get mushy in this wet weather...

My mum gave me a full carrier of apples at the weekend, several cucumbers (only one full sized - the guinea pigs are eating the part grown ones) and half a dozen eggs. Oh, and all of her green tomatoes (she's going on holiday for 3 weeks, so was clearing the garden) Excellent She also gave me lots of carrot tops that the g-pigs have polished off`
It's DS2's first full dat at school today ~(part time until now) - eek!

fantacee

jackieglasgow wrote: »

Watch out, you'll not be able to "put it down" I have to limit myself to 20 pages a session.

OMG, so true, I went back to the beginning, but I can only read about 2 or 3 pages a session so it's gonna be like this thread, will take me weeks to catch up!

---

I can't believe how, through OS ways. it took me only 3 weeks to first use up then rebuild a planned stock cupboard, but have just received news this morning that OH (self employed) is to take another income cut I honestly don't know how we can manage to go much lower as we already left it until dire straits before the LBM. -- thinking cap needs to go on again this time for both the business and the home..

re:milk, sorry you don't have the shops near you.. neither do I really (about 7 miles away) but as I now only have access to a car with any regularity on a Friday evening and I do the weeks shop in one go, and in 1.5 hours (Mr T, M0rris0ns and FmFoods in 2 mile loop)..

- no car at all and I could likely get a lift now and again or a bus, though then couldn't carry the stuff that far - however all this really means is I can't really take time to browse/hunt out bargains instead it means I have to be planned and ruthless and have my shopping list ready at all times so I can take advantage of smaller trips as they arise, - it also has the advantage that if I do it right I have to "shop from home" and theoretically have 6 NSD's a week, as I don't need to go near the more local village shops - I only broke that once in the last 3 weeks and that was the day family came to tea and I needed some ice-cream for the kids (hadn't room to prebuy Ice Cream as freezer was full of milk/bread & batches)

-- Though I'm remembering that last year even with a car there was 3 week spell we couldn't get to the "big" shops

am tightening that plan in case of such times I really don't have access to a car, thinking of monthly necessities via an online shop so that I can carry weekly extras, milk/bread/veg/sarnie stuff - if only popping to town with Mum or a friend - bless them but I can't really shop properly when anyone else is there

I should perhaps say that this is huge turnaround for me as I have suffered really badly with anxiety in the past and I couldn't even go to shops (they were one of my no-go areas due to full blown attack trying to get there once) - so shopping was done by DH, always locally and daily as we ran out frequently - this always resulted in huge overspends every week.. not his fault! but this has made see that even if if had to buy things like milk dearer than what I'm getting them just now I would always still buy it bulk (according to budget that is!) to avoid the extra trips to local shops

off to get thinking cap on while I do wages and then an hours flylady type clean/cook/iron before starting other work

Yukky day weatherwise so warm {{{hugs}}} for everyone, take care

parsonswife8

Good morning!:D


Cold, wet and grey here.:(

I will spend the morning sewing fleece linings onto the backs of the two door curtains for our caravan.

I've got a hot lamb curry on the hob and have just had two slices of french toast and Worcester sauce, just to get me in the mood for sewing.:o

That's my excuse anyway.:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: