It's STILL tough and not getting better - so how are we coping?

charlies-aunt

Ada_Doom wrote: »

I don't believe people go into parenthood aiming to be bad parents but as jackieglasgow says some people dont have the resources or the ability to know how to parent. Also, thro poor mental health, addictions etc sometimes being a good parent is not possile and thats when outside agencies have to step in and provide support. If you have been lucky enough to have had a "decent" childhood yourself it can be difficult to understand the chaos of other peoples lives, and what a struggle it can be to be a good parent yourself.

I think that if you aim to do your best to be a 'good-enough' parent and do it with love, you can't go far wrong. There are as many instances of children suceeding in spite of their upbringing as there are of those who suffer all their lives because of it.

I was brought up in the 50's when disfunctional families weren't invented and compared with family life today - we were all deprived in one way or another If you got caught doing monkey business, the village bobby would give you a clip round the lug'ole before marching you home to face the music (a good hiding, straight to bed with nothing to eat) Unthinkable today but totally acceptable then.

Ditto living in a house with no central heating and no running hot water - just a cold tap! My kids never woke up to a thick coating of ice on the insode of the bedroom windows like I used to as a child

A lot of children back then had parents (particularly fathers) who had gone through the horrors & brutality in WW2 & brought a lot of emotional baggage into their civilian post-war family lives .... it seems that every generation has its standard of normality and faces different challenges to bringing up a family.

honeybun16

i think the biggest problem new mums and dad's have is if they have not been parented well themselves how do they know how to be a good parent to their children.

My mum always put me and my sister first, and therefore in turn i learnt that my children come first however if that is not the case for others their children may never be first to them.

Everything i am doing ( debt busting aswell) is to provide a better life for my children, they did not ask to be born, i chose to have them and therefore I am responsible not only for their physical up bringing but also for their emotional.

I might not always get it right but i hope that they will look to me with love and respect for their whole lives as i still do to my mum.

I feel sorry for the children who's parents do not teach them to love.

anguk

Regarding nits, I had problems with my DD getting them on and off for years. The problem was I would check her hair, clear them then she would go back to school and pick them up again because some parents just didn't bother to check their kid's hair or treat them.

I've tried just about every product available over the years from chemicals to tea-tree oil and vinegar and the ONLY thing that got rid of them quickly and kept them away was a Nitty-Gritty comb. I think you can get them on prescription from the GP but if not they are well worth the £10. I dread to think how much I spent through-out the primary years treating nits, I wish I'd known about the nitty-gritty comb the very first time my DD came home with them.

http://www.nittygritty.co.uk

bluebag

Trust me I am a nit expert, I have earned the badge and both my kids would swear such in a court of law/
Understanding the life cycle of a head louse is the key to sucess.

The key to eradication is to remove the small lice before they get to egg laying.

I found the easiest way was to spray the hair damp with normal water and comb it fairly well with a cat flea comb(£2 pet shop/wilkos) DAILY. There is no need to spray the hair with anything but water it just makes it easier to comb. Because it's done daily there is no need to comb intensively, just a good comb through.

The lice will be removed before they get to lay eggs and break the cycle. Doing it daily also prevents re-infestation from other childrem

I am glad my kids are out of that stage though!

Hardup_Hester

Re the nit problem & the cost of treatment, neither my DD's present Dr or the one I had when my children were small would provide nit lotion, we've both been told to buy it from the chemists.
Hester

sammy_kaye18

Morning all

The 'new parents' conversation is interesting.

I was brought up in the RAF, my dad has been on detachment most of my first 15 years of life and only remained home for good shortly before my 15th birthday. From me being 8 years old, my mum use to work part time, dad was away and me and my younger sister (then 5 going 6) were left to fend for ourselves with a basic list of contacts we could go to if we needed anything and our mum worked about 5 minutes (if that) from our house. IT was hard and I remember many a lunch of squirty cream form the fridge before running out to play again but hey - we are both still alive and kicking.

Me on the other hand (Im 26 now) met Owen and did have an unwanted pregnancy at 19 and it was very much a case of I should have been more careful but I kept the baby much to Owens disapproval (he was diagnosed with depression 3 months earlier and had a bad break up with his ex which meant he couldn't see his other son because he had found someone new) and he actually left me in early stages of pregnancy - although came back when I was 6 months. I wouldn't say I've had a particularly easy time since Ben was born and have my fair share of stresses (as many of you know) but my son is now 6 and I think as a parent its my duty to make sure
hes fed, clothed, clean, warm, safe --- and most importantly LOVED! Ok, I dont earn a lot but Ive never gone without to provide for him
and although he wasnt planned I wouldnt be without him now.

Holly on the other hand was a 'sort of' planned pregnancy although she turned out being a suprise all her own ( miscarried twins in august 2009, and found out I was pregnant with holly on Christmas Eve using a predictor test that told me 5 weeks+, only to go for a scan a week later to discover I was in fact 4 months gone already! :eek: so I literally caught within two weeks of miscarrying). I had given up on the idea of another baby after I lost my twins and once I found out she was on her way I was petrified the entire pregnancy, and knew I wouldn't be happy until she was safe in my arms. After a torturous labour thanks to a neglecting midwife (oh yes you read that right!) she arrived safe and sound.

But again I wouldn't be without them now.

This is my mob, currently nicknamed monster,mischief, mutt, and my step son splosh!

Monster and Mutt -- in fact Ben and Bruno Dog.
[URL="[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v469/welshbird/Photo0035.jpg[/IMG]"][/URL]

My step son splosh.
[URL="[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v469/welshbird/240508198.jpg[/IMG]"][/URL]

and little mischief
[URL="[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v469/welshbird/Resize_P100910_1559.jpg[/IMG]"][/URL]


dont be fooled by their angelic appearances though!

greent

Nits - urgh!! We can't get stuff on prescription here. I've tried several brands of stuff, tea tree shampoo, etc. Neem oil smothered into hair and covered with a shower cap for an hour works well - but stinks!! Being watchful is the key - and the life cycle is key, too, as bluebag says. Too many parents treat once and forget - and any eggs/ tiny lice missed are big and egg laying in 5-7 days

Re: children debate. Parenting is the hardest job ever - a 24/7 job for no pay (I'm not including child benefit!) with the added torture of sleep deprivation. BUT it is the most rewarding in terms of love returned. I would never condone neglect of a child. However, unless you have done 'the job' yourself, it really is impossible to appreciate just how hard it can be at times. And I'm speaking as someone who is 'relatively' comfortable. If you throw into the mix poor housing, very little money, a bad upbringing themselves (although both DH and myself came from poor backgrounds with mothers who put their partners before their children's welfare ) and other scenarios - I wouldn't like to cope with that myself. And yes people generally have a 'choice' whether to a - get pregnant and then b- continue with the pregnancy but it's not that simple -- it really isn't. Wilful neglect and or cruelty is plain wrong - but it's not always wilful...

I've not expressed myself well, but I'm sure you can get my drift.....

pennywisepoundstupid

Sammy what a beautiful little brood you have.

I work in a school as a TA and its hard to even begin to imagine the life some of the children have, its heart breaking some things children tell you, i was on a course yesterday for safeguarding children, it was a refresher corse that i have to go to every couple of years and to be honest i hate doing it, its basically about all forms of child abuse, what to look for, etc etc. I've had to report both neglect and abuse, i have children telling me they have had no breakfast and that is an easy thing for me to sort out, i can give them a cereal bar or go and get them a banana, its the stuff that goes on that is much much worse that is so hard to deal with and never leaves me, especially when i go home to my 2 little ones and see them laughing and fighting over whos got the biggest piece of cake, i'm glad thats all my 2 have to worry about. Its a very cruel world for some and its not always the children that you would think that are suffering, even people that are well off and well educated neglect there children.

sammy_kaye18

bluebag wrote: »

Trust me I am a nit expert, I have earned the badge and both my kids would swear such in a court of law/
Understanding the life cycle of a head louse is the key to sucess.

The key to eradication is to remove the small lice before they get to egg laying.

Me and you both BB. Feeling itchy just talking about them!

My step son had a period that every time he visited he was infested and I mean INFESTED with them and every week we treated him and he still came back with them - came to find out his mother never did the follow up treatmment despite us providing the shampoo and never treated herself as her head never itched!!!

I found cheapest way was a nit comb (50p in our chemist) and plenty of conditioner. Benji always insisted in shaving his head if he had them as he hates his hair being washed, although has short hair now that I can see any bugs in it and Owen shaves his head regularly.

should also add after previous monster post

a) its absolutely widdling it down here - oh the joys of welsh weather and looks set to continue for the next 5 days this way with it sunny on Saturday (when i want it to rain!)

b) Ceridwen - told Owen I would rather he didn't get the car but our old one failed MOT yesterday miserably. Neither of us want to be in debt to his parents but I have warned him (and we have sat down and had a proper adult chat about it - both me and him, and me/him and his mum) - that its to be a sensible car, not to be taken apart/modified etc and I have told him and made very clear that its his car so he makes all needed payments etc as I cant afford to. So its on him now to check his finances etc.

sammy_kaye18

sorry I had to put this up - had it as my screensaver a while back and it makes me giggle.

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