It's STILL tough and not getting better - so how are we coping?

smileyt_2

ginnyknit wrote: »

Sounds like everyone is having a declutter today,is it to keep warm, cos its chilly here today?

Yeah, it is chilly, isn't it? I'm sitting here with two jumpers on!

I decluttered 20 books to oxfam today. Must be something in the air :rotfl:

I'm actually trying to declutter so that I can stock up on more essential things like food and have somewhere to put it!

katholicos

Made some brilliant purchases today. Charity shop bargains first...a nice dressy Anne Harvey top for £3, a picture for the kitchen £4.50, the New Paupers Cookbook for 99p, a sweater for wearing in the garden when it gets cooler 75p, a dress for my daughter to wear tomorrow at a part she is attending £4. I'm absolutely thrilled to bits with our bargains and so glad that i contributed to 4 different charities also, by buying from them.

Also at Wilkos i found that some of the seeds were 75% off so i spent £8.76 on 20 packets of veg seeds for next year (saving over £20). I am one happy bunny!

Oh yes, Mum bought me and DD lunch out in M & S too, so a really great day!

northwest1965

Up here in the Northwest the weather is so autumnal or should I change that to April showers?:D
On a plus side the courgettes are still producing well along with the runner and french beans. I want some sun though to ripen my tomatoes in my basket.
Had the afternoon off yesterday so OH and I went for a walk with a couple of small plastic boxes and came back with 9lb of blackberries, how good does that feel !

katholicos

Charis wrote: »

It's tough isn't it, to let go, when a teenager is so hurtful. I had the same thing when my middle son was fifteen. I still remember him being really rude to me when he had broken his leg. Admittedly he was in pain but it only brought out what was really there in his thoughts. We are still distant, we live a long way apart and very different lives but I took heart when he invited me to be his Facebook friend the other evening. It took time, he's 32 this autumn. The important thing is that your son can see that he can't destroy your self respect, Katholicos. A year or two from now he might be more reasonable.

Charis, thanks so much for taking the time to share with me about the troubles you too have experienced with your own son. It means a lot to me, honestly. I'm glad that you feel encouraged by your son inviting you to be his FB friend, at least you will get to know more about what he is doing in his life maybe.

I left my ex husband and took only my kids and our dog with me and i left because of domestic violence, vowing my son would not be exposed to it anymore, nor my daughter. Ironically, he absolutely idolises his father and played us off one another for years before he left home. He would go upstairs with the mobile phone his Dad bought him and he would have conversations with his Dad about me, saying i was a terrible mother and that he wanted to live with his Dad (i was terible in his eyes because i would complain that his Dad would buy him playstation games where you could have sex with and then kill prostitutes - my son was 13 when he got that particular game off his Dad).

He now keeps playing this other kind of game ...he won't speak to me, he won't phone me, he doesn't acknowledge me in public, talks to me like i am something on the bottom of his shoe. Last year his Dad took him out of school for a week and took him on holiday and for a week i didn't know where my son was...this was the week after he left home and things were all up in the air...his Dad or himself didn't even let me know what they were doing!

It is especially hard to think that this time he may not want contact with myself and his sister at all....last time i got the help of a solicitor to arrange days of contact etc, but now i just think well another year from now he will have left school, will be training for a job or something and maybe i should just leave it up to him now to get in touch when he is older and hopefully, a little more reasonable and mature?

Not knowing where he is or what he is doing breaks my heart though, but then even when i see him sometimes he has been here and not said more than 2 words to me the whole day. When i ask him if he doesn't want to be with me he says why, do i have a problem with him!

Can't win eh?

Even mum said to me yesterday that she wanted to tell my son off for how rude he was to me on her birthday, but bless her, she was worried he might kick up a fuss and make my life difficult if she did so.

katholicos

Thanks so much Mardatha, Taplady and all for your kind and encouraging words (((hugs)))

LannyLee

silvercharming wrote: »

For anyone who's not hear of them the Gill Holcombe books are very useful. I haven't bought the new one yet 'cos I think the price will go down yet

I can def recommend these books, when I first started meal planning these were the 1st place I looked for ideas (before I know about MSE of course! )

Christina_F

I am decluttering too! I need to declutter my bedroom as I am going to decorate it in September - I have saved enought money for some new furnture so cant wait for it be finished. But the thought of decluttering = yuk! Although I know it will be worth it in the end

Hippeechiq

katholicos wrote: »

Charis, thanks so much for taking the time to share with me about the troubles you too have experienced with your own son. It means a lot to me, honestly. I'm glad that you feel encouraged by your son inviting you to be his FB friend, at least you will get to know more about what he is doing in his life maybe.

I left my ex husband and took only my kids and our dog with me and i left because of domestic violence, vowing my son would not be exposed to it anymore, nor my daughter. Ironically, he absolutely idolises his father and played us off one another for years before he left home. He would go upstairs with the mobile phone his Dad bought him and he would have conversations with his Dad about me, saying i was a terrible mother and that he wanted to live with his Dad (i was terible in his eyes because i would complain that his Dad would buy him playstation games where you could have sex with and then kill prostitutes - my son was 13 when he got that particular game off his Dad).

He now keeps playing this other kind of game ...he won't speak to me, he won't phone me, he doesn't acknowledge me in public, talks to me like i am something on the bottom of his shoe. Last year his Dad took him out of school for a week and took him on holiday and for a week i didn't know where my son was...this was the week after he left home and things were all up in the air...his Dad or himself didn't even let me know what they were doing!

It is especially hard to think that this time he may not want contact with myself and his sister at all....last time i got the help of a solicitor to arrange days of contact etc, but now i just think well another year from now he will have left school, will be training for a job or something and maybe i should just leave it up to him now to get in touch when he is older and hopefully, a little more reasonable and mature?

Not knowing where he is or what he is doing breaks my heart though, but then even when i see him sometimes he has been here and not said more than 2 words to me the whole day. When i ask him if he doesn't want to be with me he says why, do i have a problem with him!

Can't win eh?

Even mum said to me yesterday that she wanted to tell my son off for how rude he was to me on her birthday, but bless her, she was worried he might kick up a fuss and make my life difficult if she did so.

katholicos I went through a similar thing with my eldest daughter when she was 14 during my marriage break-up. She went totally off the rails and turned into someone I neither recognised, or particularly liked. She would ignore me, scream and swear at me and more often than not ran off when she'd been sent to her room....many a night I used to drive around in the dark on my own looking for her at god knows what hour. It truly was one of the worst periods of my life.

When I left the marital home, instead of coming to live with me, she stayed with her Dad, and within a couple of months dropped out of school and ran of with the gypsy lad I'd been trying to prevent her from seeing at the same time as my marriage was falling apart. She was with him for 4 years, and for 3 of those years I didn't know where she was, or how she was as she wasn't allowed to contact either myself or her Dad. There's not many greater fears than not knowing whether or not your child is safe, so I feel for you.

The middle part of the story is irrelevant to my post but the ending is that she now lives with me again, and we have a wonderful relationship, the kind I had with my Mum

I know your problem is slightly different and that we're talking about your son and not your daughter, but I think some children deal well with marriage break ups (my youngest daughter has taken it all in her stride) and some just go totally off the rails because they don't know how to deal with what's happening to them or the emotions they're feeling, so it could just be a phase he's going through, especially given his age.

I know how hurtful and spiteful they can be. When your own child turns on you, the pain it causes you is deep, I know, and it's so hard to deal with when nothing you try to do or say is the right thing from their point of view. Clearly he is influenced by his Father, but don't forget he's 50% biologically yours too, and you are clearly a good person, with good values

I can't give you advice on how to turn things around, and it might not be much comfort to you now, but I wouldn't give up hope that he'll come good in the end hun :grouphug:

katholicos

Hippeechiq wrote: »

katholicos I went through a similar thing with my eldest daughter when she was 14 during my marriage break-up. She went totally off the rails and turned into someone I neither recognised, or particularly liked. She would ignore me, scream and swear at me and more often than not ran off when she'd been sent to her room....many a night I used to drive around in the dark on my own looking for her at god knows what hour. It truly was one of the worst periods of my life.

When I left the marital home, instead of coming to live with me, she stayed with her Dad, and within a couple of months dropped out of school and ran of with the gypsy lad I'd been trying to prevent her from seeing at the same time as my marriage was falling apart. She was with him for 4 years, and for 3 of those years I didn't know where she was, or how she was as she wasn't allowed to contact either myself or her Dad. There's not many greater fears than not knowing whether or not your child is safe, so I feel for you.

The middle part of the story is irrelevant to my post but the ending is that she now lives with me again, and we have a wonderful relationship, the kind I had with my Mum

I know your problem is slightly different and that we're talking about your son and not your daughter, but I think some children deal well with marriage break ups (my youngest daughter has taken it all in her stride) and some just go totally off the rails because they don't know how to deal with what's happening to them or the emotions they're feeling, so it could just be a phase he's going through, especially given his age.

I know how hurtful and spiteful they can be. When your own child turns on you, the pain it causes you is deep, I know, and it's so hard to deal with when nothing you try to do or say is the right thing from their point of view.

I can't give you advice on how to turn things around, and it might not be much comfort to you now, but I wouldn't give up hope that he'll come good in the end hun :grouphug:

I'm so moved by your story and also that you and your daughter now have a loving and close relationship. Thank you so very much for your understanding and sharing with me about how difficult it was for you to go through your own struggles with your daughter. God Bless your kindness to me :A

Gigervamp

Grumpycupple wrote: »

However he see's that we need the use of a cupboard for stocking up for the winter so I can clear that one out. He has also got excited about making fruit flavoured vodka and brandy so we are going brambling tomorrow. Could I use apples for flavouring?

Hmm..blackberry and apple vodka. Sounds like a plan. Hubby and I foraged a load of both this evening. Also discovered a load of sloe bushes, laden with fruit. Will go back for those next month.

Ooh, had another idea. Toffee apple vodka. Use brown sugar instead of white with the apples. That could be interesting!
:beer: