Should I feed DD?!

riggerz

Hi,

I know how you feel and it's awful.
I have a 4yo who would only eat waffles, smilies, chips, raisins, biscuits, yoghurts and the edge of dry bread.

I have battled with him for over 3 years! It started when he had a bout of tonsillitis as a 1yo and it was missed by the GP. He was in so much pain, he didn't eat for a week and I'm sure this is the reason he is now so fussy.

After years of tears (his and mine) arguments and ridiculous stress levels, I have decided to leave him to it.

I make him a seperate dinner to the rest of us and dinner time is now peaceful and relaxing. The reason I did this was because my Health Visitor told me that as long as he was getting his calorie intake then there was no need to worry.

However, since I stopped trying so hard and everything has calmed down, he is making small but positive steps forward. He has tried jam and like it, will now eat butter on his bread and even tried spaghetti bolognaise - he hated it but he tried it non the less.

My theory is this, I have never seen a 40 year old eating waffles and smilies I'm sure that when he is ready, he will experiment. Until then, I'm not going to try to push him.

Good luck

Indie_Kid

riggerz wrote: »

even tried spaghetti bolognaise - he hated it but he tried it non the less.

Does it make a difference if you use pasta instead, or use a different sauce?

HelenKA_2

Hii Angel,

Quickly read through the rest of the thread since I was last in on it.

You've done really well sticking to your guns. Hope she's gone to bed ok tonight.

If DH can do his best shot that's all you can ask, and though it might be a bit of a backwards step your success so far, though small, proves it can be done. Remember it's baby steps.

Keep coming here for support - it is worth all the angst in the end.

Perhaps DH would respond to a reward scheme - don't give in to DD and I'll. . . . .????????? !!!!!

msb5262

angelicmary85 wrote: »

Have you got older children?

I'm just asking because it's quite difficult to say no to a few buttons here and there to reward children for good behaviour.

Although you're post was gratefully received, I think you are either going to be seen as being very 'harsh' parent or you won't be as strict as you think!

Hi again mary,

I know this wasn't addressed to me but I have three children, now 16, 14 and nearly 12 and have never used chocolate buttons as a reward!

It is possible to get through to children with "soft" rewards eg. praise, cuddles, approval as well as non-food based "hard" rewards eg. stickers, little toys, trips out...obviously at times mine have been rewarded with an ice cream, special drink etc if that fitted with the context, but they haven't ever had buttons or sweets as a specific reward and I think that's the way to go if at all possible.

I'd love to have a chat with your OH and find out why he isn't willing to support your efforts for a week or two before making a judgment.

You are the one who has to manage the current situation, and you are the one finding it very hard.

You shouldn't be the only one making an effort to change it as you are trying to bring about a positive change in your DD's behaviour for excellent reasons, not the least of which is your DD's long-term physical wellbeing (and not to mention the mental and emotional wellbeing of the family as a whole).

Ok I'll shut up now!

Hope your day has been a bit better altogether, and don't worry if it hasn't seemed much better...Rome wasn't built in a day.

MsB x

aliasojo

msb5262 wrote: »

Hi again mary,

I know this wasn't addressed to me but I have three children, now 16, 14 and nearly 12 and have never used chocolate buttons as a reward!

It is possible to get through to children with "soft" rewards eg. praise, cuddles, approval as well as non-food based "hard" rewards eg. stickers, little toys, trips out...obviously at times mine have been rewarded with an ice cream, special drink etc if that fitted with the context, but they haven't ever had buttons or sweets as a specific reward and I think that's the way to go if at all possible.

I'd love to have a chat with your OH and find out why he isn't willing to support your efforts for a week or two before making a judgment.

You are the one who has to manage the current situation, and you are the one finding it very hard.

You shouldn't be the only one making an effort to change it as you are trying to bring about a positive change in your DD's behaviour for excellent reasons, not the least of which is your DD's long-term physical wellbeing (and not to mention the mental and emotional wellbeing of the family as a whole).

Ok I'll shut up now!

Hope your day has been a bit better altogether, and don't worry if it hasn't seemed much better...Rome wasn't built in a day.

MsB x

Good post. It's very easy to use food as a reward, I'm sure loads of parents do it. However, long term, I think it's a dodgy road to go down, especially with a kid who is already well aware of the differences between 'normal' food and 'treat' food.

We were never ones for rewarding with sweets. Sweets may be lovely to eat but they're not exactly good for you considering the sugar and fat content, never mind the additives or E numbers some varieties may have. We tended more towards the sticker/chart route if we wanted to encourage our daughter with anything when she was little. She was a sucker for a sticker with a pink fairy on it. :rotfl:I'm sure she didn't really understand much of it but she got to realise her wall filled up with pretty pictures if she did 'whatever'. *insert the thing you're trying to encourage*

OP I think you're doing really well trying to keep at this especially considering you seem to be the one at the helm all by yourself. :T I'm sure there quite a few parents who just wouldn't bother because it's too much hassle, but you clearly want the best for your girl even if it means going through some tough stuff to get it. :T

aliasojo

HelenKA wrote: »

Perhaps DH would respond to a reward scheme - don't give in to DD and I'll. . . . .????????? !!!!!

I like that idea :rotfl: men are all just big kids anyway and usually need encouragement to do anything that involves effort.

raggydoll_2

angelicmary85 wrote: »

Have you got older children?

I'm just asking because it's quite difficult to say to a a few buttons here and there to reward children for good behaviour.

Although you're post was gratefully received, I think you are either going to be seen as being very 'harsh' parent or you won't be as strict as you think!

No i don't have othern children and i can totally appreciate that there are times when you might need/want to do this. We are going to try to reward in ways other than food.

I am quite suprised you see this as harsh though. I see it as relaxed! She can eat what she wants when she wants no pressure no fuss its entirely her call. But as i say i'm a first time mum so quite prepared to see how things develop - i just like to have a plan

Sublime_2

angelicmary, I can sympathise with you. My DD at 6 is a good eater, and loves fruit, veg, olives, avocado, chilli, etc. My 2 1/2 year old son is a different matter.

He just doesn't seem to want to eat much, or regularly. He also goes through phases of like/dislikes so just when I feel I'm getting somewhere, he decides he's not going to eat.

His favourite foods at the mo, are breadsticks (which he would live on if he could), chicken, rice, pasta, prawns (with rice, or pasta), sweetcorn mixed with peas, fish, duck (likes shredded on top of rice), fillet steak (yes really), sausages (has to be Tescos finest), hot chocolate, and juice. He will eat the occasional HM potato wedge, but just a few bites. He will also only eat one meal a day, he just picks at his cereal.

He used to love eating grapes, apples, and nectarines, and fromage frais, but has gone off them recently. He also loved to eat my HM fish pie, stews, and shepherds pie, but won't eat them now, as he prefers to use his fingers.

The list of foods he does eat currently need more fruit, and veg, but I try and compensate by adding carrots, and beans to pasta sause, and giving him carrot juice. I also put veg on his plate, and ignore him, as often after making a fuss, he will try something if you just leave him to eat. Doesn't always work now, since I got rid of his booster seat where he was strapped in. Wish I'd kept it.

Persevere. Things will get better.

picnmix

Hi can completely understand your frustrations I have 2 DD 5 & 2, 5 year old is a picky eater, on the plus side she loves most fruit and eats cereal (dry) for breakfast, other than that it was basically pasta, rice or chips. I spent years following advice given to me from all differant sources, then about 6 months ago I just gave up and thought well she isn't going to a teenager just eating the same stuff. Since I stopped loosing sleep over her eating habits she has blossomed, will happily sit down and eat a roast - chicken, carrots, roast pots, yorkshire pudding, amongst other things, but the main differance is that she will now try new things and then decide if she likes or dislikes them. We dont make a big deal of her turning food down, but gets lots of praise for trying things. I'm sure it was a power thing, the one way she new she had power over the situation. We never rewarded not eating "good" food with treats, if she complained she was hungry she had fruit or cereal, bread etc but never sweets or icecream etc.

Hope this gives you some light at the end of a tunnel.

mummy_Jay

Does she get lots of attention when she doesn't eat things?

Does either you or your partner have issues with food i.e. make comments about not liking foods infront of her?

Are meal time really stressful for you now?

Ok try having fruit about the house (where she can help herself to it), see if you can get her to smell it. Then if you going to have a piece try and see if she'll lick it. If you can make a game of it so much the better but don't try and get her to bite it, just let her get use to it first. Bananas are a nice easy fruit for children to get started on.

Don't cook special stuff just for her, give her the same as you, and eat at the same time as you but try not to kick up a fuss when she wont eat it. If she doesn't eat it, leave it on the table and when in an hour she says she's hungry point out her food is still on the table or she can have some fruit.

Hard as it sounds don't back down and give her sweeties, she wont starve herself. Do say well done when she tries something new. It's hardest on you but if you stick to your guns, you will get there but it will be hard very hard on you.

Good luck.