Help! Misses has aquired massive debts

hobo28

Hi mate

Understandably your a bit upset at the moment. Take a step back and calm down a bit. Getting angry right now and lashing out at your GF is not going to help, only make a bad situation worse.

You might want to post this message on the DFW board as they'll be the experts on possible options.

I just wanted to say that steaming in and demanding that your GF does this that or the other will not help. It could be the end of your relationship if your not careful. Depends on what you want.

£10k isn't the end of the world. Yes she's let things get out of control but its nothing that the two of you can't work through if she wants to and you help her with.

Part of me wonders if you truly had no idea or an inkling. Did you never wonder where the money she was spending was coming from?

Personally I would say that she should not ask her mum/dad to help. She got into this mess and therefore SHE and as her partner YOU need to sort it. You're both adults now.

lil'H

Why is she passing herself of as your wife for credit purposes, I'd be worried and make sure she tells you if there are any other debts acrued that way?

Speak to her, get her to really look at where it's gone and why she feels the need to spend. Also you say she only works a couple of evenings a week, why is that?

Lil'H

dark_stranger

Gorgeous_George wrote:

I suggest you brace yourself. This is not likely to be the only debt that she has and may be just the tip of the iceberg.

oh thanks

Gorgeous_George wrote:

It's like being unfaithful.

I have already told her that. Whether its financial trust or sexual/relationship trust, i see them as the same.

dark_stranger

lil'H wrote:

Why is she passing herself of as your wife for credit purposes, I'd be worried and make sure she tells you if there are any other debts acrued that way?

Speak to her, get her to really look at where it's gone and why she feels the need to spend. Also you say she only works a couple of evenings a week, why is that?

Lil'H

We have kids so the evening is the olny time she can work.

cpu

Must be great to be so all-knowing Curious George. :rolleyes:

How you can make assumptions like 'This is not likely to be the only debt that she has' and 'it is likely she will do it all again' is beyond me.

None of us (including the OP) know why or how this debt has accrued so I suggest posts like this are not helpful, especially when the OP's anger comes across in his posts loud and clear. All you are doing is inflaming the situation. Unhelpful.

d_s..a credit record will tell you what credit is listed or has been taken out in your name over the last few years. Is it really necessary to go down this route at the moment, perhaps talking to your g/f first will get you your answers then if you don't believe her, it's easy enough to check out.

hobo28

understandably so mate.

I've just replied to your other post and seen this one.

Don't go in all guns blazing. Won't help. Your partner will be feeling bad enough already. And plus as the other poster said, this might not actually be the only debt. You need to get her to open up. She'll be feeling bad enough already.

Going in all disappointed will work better IMO

Nix143

Hey

I've hidden debt and felt sick and awful about it - and one of the reasons you do is because of the reaction you're going to get when your other half finds out. I should imagine your girlfriend is feeling sick to her stomach and scared as hell right now - and while I completely understand your reaction it's not gonna make the debt go away or resolve any of your problems

For the people who are saying dump her - that shocked me. They have kids. And a life together. Now I understand you feel rocked to your core by her deceit but having hidden debt I know you don't do it for fun, or to get one over on someone.

I know you're angry and hurt and let down by her and you have every right to feel all those emotions - but the only way out of your situation is to work together in a rational way. To support each other. And hopefully you'll be able to help while SHE learns how to resolve this problem. If she DOESN'T make in roads into dealing with it successfully well then you'll have to look at the situation. But maybe this debt coming out is what she has been waiting for and hopefully it can be resolved and you can move on together.

Wishing you both the best of luck xx

dark_stranger

It just fcuk's me off as I have recently got a good job after spending 6yrs doing 19hr days working fulltime & going to uni at night. The money is very good & we were on the up. Now she has possibly set us back several years, thats if our relationship lasts till the end of the week.

CM86_2

A credit record will tell you how her misadventures might've affected you... I'd also tell her to get a copy of hers! If you don't have a mortgage at the mo, a poor credit rating will make it extremely difficult!

Equifax (https://www.equifax.co.uk) and Experian (https://www.experian.co.uk) are the biggest credit checking agencies in the UK.

dark_stranger

We do have a mortgage & were thinking about moving soon to a bigger new house so that the kids had a room each, etc and therefore although its an option dont want to remortgage to cover her debts as that would scupper the move.