Coffee and chocolate

miggy

I didn't manage to get rid of the dizziness yesterday but woke up feeling okay this morning. Perhaps it was psychosomatic, or whatever the term is?

Visit to Mum went well: she's in fine form and was quite happy, so that was good.

Dh has found the tiny leak that was causing the steam from the car but fixing it has proved unsuccessful so it's £20 for a new hose, which is ordered and due to arrive by lunchtime. He has the day off because he's got to be away for a few days starting this afternoon. He also enquired about the replacement dipstick - £75! :eek:

So no dipstick then.

Last night I had a phone call from X - the other person who has Power of Attorney for Mum. She's in the country and wants to visit Mum today using us as a base. I was very angry because X hasn't, in my view, kept in touch at all well. I can accept that as they aren't here, I have the practicalities to sort out, but that's not the problem. I had a chat with Dh and we are both agreed I need to say something - which I loathe because I don't do confrontation and this has gone on far too long. I did send an email a couple of weeks ago saying letters at birthdays and Christmas are not enough, but I didn't receive a reply - which in itself is suspect as they had replied immediately to some 'friendly' emails I had sent over previous weeks.

Anyway that means I have to share some of today with them. Awful to be so grudging and angry, though I'm a lot less angry than I was as DH has pointed out that Mum can be very difficult and maybe they found it hard to keep in touch with her, and also living in a different country it's possible they have lost touch with things here.

I know I could email weekly giving all the news or something like that but to be frank I can't be bothered - they are well able to pick up the phone to the care home once in a while or send Mum a little note. I still get a small amount of stress from dealing with things for Mum and I don't see why I should do the work for someone else as well.

Okay, enough of that. DH has gone to get things sorted out for his trip, I need to get a shower and tidy up around the place. I have decided that as I have a few days when DH isn't here I am going to try to get the place nicer for him in that time. That will pay dividends for us all.

Pray for me to deal constructively with X! I really do hate confrontation and am likely either to understate things or go to pieces.

ani_26

miggy wrote: »

Dh has found the tiny leak that was causing the steam from the car but fixing it has proved unsuccessful so it's £20 for a new hose, which is ordered and due to arrive by lunchtime. He has the day off because he's got to be away for a few days starting this afternoon. He also enquired about the replacement dipstick - £75! :eek:




So no dipstick then.

Try a scrapyard? Get one for a few quid? What sort of car do you have? I can look in the local scrapyard.
.

Pray for me to deal constructively with X! I really do hate confrontation and am likely either to understate things or go to pieces.

Hope you have a relatively stress free day. xx

miggy

Thanks Ani.

The car's a Ford Zetec (diesel)... DH looked in the scrap yard but they hadn't any. Obviously that may just have been on that day so we can look again (and really appreciate your offer of looking too ) but apparently there aren't many getting scrapped yet and with it being diesel it's a bit harder to find the right one.

The garage only sells them in a package with the tube, and no luck online yet either. DH is under strict instructions from nagging wife (me) to ensure he has oil and water topped up before going!

Stress-free day about 10% accomplished so far.

MuffinTops

Hi Miggy,

Sorry to hear about future dealings with X. If you don't like confrontation and know you'll get to the point where you say anything to finish the conversation then how about writing them an unemotional and factual letter, and then go somewhere fairly neutral but private, sit opposite them and ask them to read it so you can talk about it. That way you come across as calm, and can get everything put forward, exactly how you need it to, and they'll have a better way of understanding without necessarily getting defensive. If they stop half way through and make comments, just very calmly ask them to finish the letter and then you can both discuss everything in there. Then, even if you get really uncomfortable with the discussion afterwards you know that everything that needed to be said was said, and was said clearly and calmly in that well put together letter.

You're right, weekly updates to them are not your responsibility. You have enough to do looking after your Mum as fantastically as you do, without looking after them too!

Good to hear it's just £20 to fix the car other than the dipstick. Ani's great breakers yard idea will hopefully save the day on that.

miggy

Thank you Muffy - that was good advice. In fact one I shall bear in mind if anything similar happens in future. As it happened there wasn't time for a letter - at least not a reasoned one! X arrived and I went up to them and said 'I have to say that it concerns me how little you write to Mum'. They pointed out equally calmly that they had written earlier in the summer - a letter that doesn't seem to have arrived and they thought the address may have been wrong, then they had been too ill. Fair enough, I said, but how about the preceding year? I let that go in then moved the subject on and the rest of the time they were here was quite pleasant. So prayers answered in the affirmative and I have made my point without becoming a churned up mess.

Their visit to Mum seems to have been okay and they couldn't stay long, and Dh has left on his trip, so DD and I went shopping and bought the ingredients for a paella and er... a weather loach. Well, I had been thinking for a while I would like more than one and the pet shop doesn't always have them. (£2.95 plus another £2 for hay).

The paella, which I've never made before, has gone down well so far and it occurred to me almost at once what a good way it is of using up leftovers! It wasn't too expensive as I bought a very cheap white wine for it (one of the mini £1.25 cartons) and used turmeric instead of saffron. The recipe assured me I shouldn't do this, but they aren't managing my budget.

I've planted out another tomato plant... not so much chance of any of the potted ones reaching maturity as they are too cramped, but I just don't have space to put more out. Past experience says I can't keep them going to a second year but I do have plenty of seeds left.

I think a separate post is required for projects over the next few days and to keep me on track: I detect a tendency to spend recently!

miggy

Incidentally it would be a good idea for me to search the Old Style thread for cheapest version of Paella. I mean, wine is all very well...

miggy

The search for paella recipes turned into a distraction, but not to worry. I can get by with the one that worked yesterday.

Dizzy again this morning, and a little last night so I have made a doctor's appointment (tomorrow evening). Maybe a virus? I need to see which way it's going to see whether I need to consider taking time off work (hopefully not, it's not a major thing, but if it can be passed around I need to keep the clients free of it, ditto Mum, but as I'm visiting her tomorrow I will just have to see how it's going). Of course once I get close to the appointment, the symptoms will disappear.

Today is a 'chill' day and I'm making a start on cleaning and decluttering. The plan is to take a bag of stuff to the charity shop and another to recycling. I've made a start by cleaning some mirrors, getting a mark off the stair carpet and doing the first load of washing.

More anon.

ani_26

miggy wrote: »

I detect a tendency to spend recently!

So do i................... :eek:

Which reminds me, i have forgotten about dipsticks.

miggy

I am quite incoherent now, having read Ani's good news, and all I can say is 'and about time too'.

Staggered... it will probably take me a while to get my head round that one. So much I want to say and none of it addresses the main issue! So I will wait a little while and make some tea and maybe after that I will start replying properly.

Today, here: lazy really. Feeling better when I don't do much, hence idle hours spent reading 'Twilight' and watching 'Biggest Loser' when I meant to be cleaning. Three loads of washing, a chat with a neighbour, disposal of a dead frog and some food shopping all featured too.

miggy

ani_26 wrote: »

So do i................... :eek:

You weren't supposed to notice that.

ani_26 wrote: »

Which reminds me, i have forgotten about dipsticks.

Not to worry: car is on hols this week and the oil level shouldn't be going anywhere just now. (I hope).