How to get OH on board?

piccalilli_2

Hi,

Finally plucked up the courage to get on here.
I've always prided myself on being good with money, but after a decade with my OH we are up the creek. Nothing is in arrears yet, but we are at the stage of living off the credit cards (having to pay for groceries on it this week for the first time was a LBM for me). How we got here....
It's all his fault!!! Sorry, that sounds a bit ranting, but I have to get it off my chest! OH is bad with money, we have kept seperate finances since the beginning, but have consolidated a lot over the last few years since our child came along. Debt is mostly on credit cards (20K) and car loans (11K). I've been doing what I can with what we have, but we are getting nowhere with repaying - the interest just swallows it all up.
The majority of the debt is OH's but he won't really face up and deal with it. Any ideas how I can get him on side and realise that we are in a mess and that he needs to do something about it?
I'm going to do a proper SOA in the next few days (have done a brief one previously), which might wake him up a bit, but how can I get him to stop spending when I don't think he realises how much he gets through?
Any ideas gratefully received.

justjohn

only way is too write down expenses in black and white...then hopefully he will relise that how much and how bad things are.

Tixy

Can you persuade him to keep a spending diary? or at least get receipts and hand them over to you?
That combined with the full statement of affairs should be a good start in making him realise the problem.

Or maybe work out how much you owe now (all debts) and compare it to what the figure was 6months ago and 12months ago (assuming the debts are still increasing). Then work out what your debt will be in say 5years time if you keep spending at the same rate. Would that level of debt plus say a 5% rise in the base rate mean you were still solvent or likely to be going bankrupt and losing everything - okay so it may be a shock tactic, but sometimes thats what people need.

Oh and welcome to the forum by the way, well done for posting, at least you realise there is a problem and want to start tackling it which is really good.

piccalilli_2

Here's the SOA:

Household Information[/b]
Number of adults in household........... 2
Number of children in household......... 1
Number of cars owned.................... 2

Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 800
Partners monthly income after tax....... 2300
Benefits................................ 120
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 3220

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 650
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 479
Rent.................................... 0
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 115
Electricity............................. 26
Gas..................................... 43
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 25
Telephone (land line)................... 66 - this is a bundle of calls and internet
Mobile phone............................ 10
TV Licence.............................. 0
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 300
Clothing................................ 10
Petrol/diesel........................... 80
Road tax................................ 20
Car Insurance........................... 100
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 10
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 300
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 14
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 25
Contents insurance...................... 44
Life assurance ......................... 15
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 10
Haircuts................................ 5
Entertainment........................... 0
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Professional Subscriptions.............. 35
Cigarettes.............................. 200
Contact Lenses.......................... 13
Total monthly expenses.................. 2595


Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 125000
Shares and bonds........................ 100
Car(s).................................. 13000
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 138100


Secured & HP Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Mortgage...................... 86000....(650)......0
Hire Purchase (HP) debt ...... 8000.....(330)......0<
Car Loan.......................3000.....(149)......0
Total secured & HP debts...... 97000.....-.........-

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Barclays CC....................3848......86........19.9
HSBC CC........................4854......121.......18.9
Virgin CC......................6784......154.......17.6
Student Loans..................1743......90........0 - don't know
Halifax........................1500......40........0 - don't know
Virgin CC......................900.......25........0%
Priority Club CC...............2000......60........0 - don't know
Total unsecured debts..........21629.....576.......- [/b]


Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 3,220
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 2,595
Available for debt repayments........... 625
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 576
Amount left after debt repayments....... 49

Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 138,100
Total HP & Secured debt................. -97,000
Total Unsecured debt.................... -21,629
Net Assets.............................. 19,471

piccalilli_2

Forgot to put the £2300 overdrafts on there aswell - its to the max too.

Tixy

Hi
A few quick comments

piccalilli wrote: »

Here's the SOA:

Household Information[/b]
Number of adults in household........... 2
Number of children in household......... 1
Number of cars owned.................... 2

Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 800
Partners monthly income after tax....... 2300
Benefits................................ 120 are you getting all you can in terms of tax credits etc? www.entitledto.com
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 3220

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 650
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 479
Rent.................................... 0
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 115
Electricity............................. 26
Gas..................................... 43 check you are with the cheapest supplier for both
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 25
Telephone (land line)................... 66 - this is a bundle of calls and internet check its competative for the amount of calls you make (packages start at around £20 for landline & internet)
Mobile phone............................ 10
TV Licence.............................. 0 don't you have this?
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 300 high for 3 people, try to start cutting back, aim for £200 to start. Switch to lower brand items that OH won't notice (some people decant coffee & cereal from own brand bags to 'proper' jars & boxes!) and plan meals before you go shopping to prevent waste.
Clothing................................ 10
Petrol/diesel........................... 80
Road tax................................ 20
Car Insurance........................... 100 looks high, does one of you have points? or high ins group car? shop around at renewal and read tips on here about claiming cashback and getting the best deal by considering having named drivers etc.
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 10
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 300 how soon do they go to school? will this reduce then?
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 14
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 25
Contents insurance...................... 44 really high for B&C, should be able to get combined for closed to £20 I would think based on house value. shop around.
Life assurance ......................... 15
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 10 is this all you spend for the while year? £120?
Haircuts............................... 5 is this enough?
Entertainment........................... 0 presume you (or OH) is spending something here?
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Professional Subscriptions.............. 35
Cigarettes.............................. 200 ouch. any chance of trying to give up, or cut down? or switch to rollups?
Contact Lenses.......................... 13
Total monthly expenses.................. 2595


Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 125000
Shares and bonds........................ 100
Car(s).................................. 13000 these are high value cars, could your trade one or both in to pay off the finance and get a cheap runaround?
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 138100


Secured & HP Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Mortgage...................... 86000....(650)......0 apr? interest only or repayment? fixed APR?
Hire Purchase (HP) debt ...... 8000.....(330)......0<
Car Loan.......................3000.....(149)......0
Total secured & HP debts...... 97000.....-.........-

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Barclays CC....................3848......86........19.9
HSBC CC........................4854......121.......18.9
Virgin CC......................6784......154.......17.6
Student Loans..................1743......90........0 - don't know
Halifax........................1500......40........0 - don't know
Virgin CC......................900.......25........0%
Priority Club CC...............2000......60........0 - don't know
Total unsecured debts..........21629.....576.......- [/b]


Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 3,220
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 2,595
Available for debt repayments........... 625
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 576
Amount left after debt repayments....... 49

Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 138,100
Total HP & Secured debt................. -97,000
Total Unsecured debt.................... -21,629
Net Assets.............................. 19,471

Just a few quick comments, hope some might help a bit.

boultdj

I see $200 on cigarettes,What about buying baccy and rolling your own,or have a go at packing in,BUT I do know that's very hard OH tryed 7 time's befor it 'clicked' for him.

piccalilli_2

Hi all, thanks for help, a few explanations....
OH is the smoker - he has tried patches, tablets, gum with no success (lack of will power....)
Car expenses are high due to OH's job being on the road with no company car, so funds his own car mostly through allowance, but insurance is high for business use and he has points (naughty boy).
Mortgage is repayment and was fixed till Feb, so variable rate at the mo, think it about 4.5% but not sure.
Haircuts are at local college so really are that cheap!
Child is due free hours at nursery in Sept which will bring costs down to approx £100 a month.
Have already gone to ownbrand on lots of stuff (OH still thinks its Nescafe and Heinz!)
Benefits - we are getting all we are able to, only Child Benefit and Child Tax Credit
Entertainment - we don't go out!!!

I know it may not seem much of a problem compared to some peoples, but I have tried where possible already to make cuts - but the insurances and telephone/internet sound good to try.
I have tried talking to the credit cards companies about lowering interest rates but with no success. They didn't see a problem on the accounts as we are meeting the minimums. Any way around this? We tried for more 0% cards a while back but got declined.

Ames

Does your OH know about the cuts and things? Maybe if he doesn't realise that the food budget's going down etc he's got no reason to think/believe there's a problem?

I think you just need to show him the facts in black and white - show him the SOA, and have a play around with the snowball calculator to show him the real cost of things.

TBH, unless he starts to 'suffer' and feel for himself how bad things are I doubt he'll accept there needs to be change.

t4mof

My OH was fairly similar when I took control of the debts and started making an effort to pay them off. His attitude was "what's another £100 on top of what we owe already??" I think he believed we'd be in debt forever.

To be honest 18 months on, he still doesn't really know what we owe and leaves it to me but slowly I am getting through to him. I made my first payment last month to MBNA that was more than the minimum - we have had this card since 1999!!! That certainly got him interested.

If your OH doesn't seem interested, take control yourself and then just slip into conversation about how you are now owing less and how you think you'll be debt free by X date so long as you can stay in budget.

I haven't looked at your SOA fully as your description of your hubby struck a chord.

Is there any chance you can get a 0% card?? That may help with the motivation as you can actually clear debt rather than just servicing the interest. My OH loves 0% cards because he can see the debt going down and feels like we are making progress.

The good news is that you should have a small surplus each month which can help towards reducing some of the debt. Play around with the snowball calculator: http://www.whatsthecost.co.uk/snowball.aspx and you'll see what a difference £50 a month can make. If you can then cut back another £50 somewhere (groceries?), see how an extra £100 would affect your debt repayment.

Most people suggest starting with the highest interest card first (for obvious reasons) but if motivation is a problem, why don't you look at the smallest balance?? You've got £900 on that - if you paid £125 off that rather than the £25 you're currently paying, you'd have it clear by early next year. And as it's Virgin, they are likely to offer you a 0% deal again at some point in the future. So maybe move the Halifax debt (or the high interest Barclaycard if motivation has set in by then) and add the monthly payment on the old card to the £125 and then start reducing that balance.

Good luck!

piccalilli_2

Thanks for all the help so far, but the situation has got worse - just had Halifax Credit card bill in, and its £2300. OH has been using this for his work petrol and expenses (his company pay in arrears which is whats crippling us - they are always at least 3 weeks behind on paying).
So although it looks on paper that we should have money left, we never do.
Oh and I'm over my overdraft limit too
We have tried for 0% cards in his name - I'm sure I could get one or two as I've only ever missed one payment of £1.33 (an oversight!), but can you transfer from a card in one name to a card in a differnt name ie. one of his onto my card?
Also got a big dilemma - the house is on the market at the moment - the plan was to sell the house, clear the debts and rent for 6 months to recoup before buying again (thinking that we could grow our deposit while renting and be chain-free when we buy again). But with the news of mortgages being harder to find, is this the right thing to do? And will OH's bad credit score stop us getting a good rate on a mortgage? Any knowledge on this gratefully received.