I was wrong, how do I make it up? He didnt Lie!

GEEGEE8

mikey72 wrote: »

But if your aim was to get forgiveness, for whatever reason, that means you are starting out with the aim of securing something for yourself, from a talk with your oh.
The whole point was that you were in the wrong, so the aspect of the evening should have been from his side. If he didn't want to forgive you, or couldn't, fair enough. If that was a good resolution for him, that should has been your aim too. He may not have forgiven you, (unless you checked by making him say by after asking him if he had), you don't really know.
Surely the aim should have been to discuss how you could trust him again, and to understand his upbringing which led to this?

Oh for God's sake.. it was just the way she wrote it!! Stop picking at her..

kr15snw

Hey LittleMadam, you sound similar to how I was around Christmas. Lots of accusing and arguing between the 2 of us. I went to see the doctor about it and she referred me to therapy and now onto counselling. It's the best thing I've ever done and we are so much stronger now

I would suggest maybe you go see a doctor and explain your thoughts to them?

Littlemadam83

Thank you GEEGEE83 ha ha.

It is so strange that when you are a kid 27 seems so old and mature! Yet I do feel I am not as "progressed" emotionally as I would like to be. I totally see what you mean about every time something happens you grow up that little bit more xxxx

My colleague was saying something months ago and I truely believe this as other women piped up over 40 that when they hit the 30 mark something inside them changed and they "bloomed" as such. So I am looking forward to that ha ha.

As for hobbies, hubby is into photography, I am not really although have a camera, so could go back to it. I love London, so need to start heading back there every few weeks, and what I love about the place is ok you have to get the tube in, but there are so many things that dont involve spending much money if any, so will prob start with that again xxx

Thanks again hun, you have really been sweet xxx

Littlemadam83

kr15snw wrote: »

Hey LittleMadam, you sound similar to how I was around Christmas. Lots of accusing and arguing between the 2 of us. I went to see the doctor about it and she referred me to therapy and now onto counselling. It's the best thing I've ever done and we are so much stronger now

I would suggest maybe you go see a doctor and explain your thoughts to them?

GREAT IDEA!!!!! I was refferred for counselling when I had my anxiety, so could go back to him and get help. The timings are a nightmare as are during the working week, so even if I just pay for it maybe will help massively, I do have alot that goes on in my head, so if it worked for you... How many sessions did you/ are you having?

kr15snw

I had 4 sessions with a cognitive therapist who helped we work out how to get rid of the bad thoughts and how to work through my paranoia and anxiety. The difference was amazing and after 2 months we we're in a brilliant place.

She did refer me to a counsellor as she thought I had deeper issues and I've had 2 sessions with him and have another 2 yet to come. We've mainly discussed my past as I have issues with my family and have had issues with friends.

It's helped me

Indout96

"just giving him a steak and a blow job",

LOL it would work for me LOL (must get mind back on work)

GEEGEE8

I saw a psychologist a few years after a motorbike accident. Had 10 sessions of CBT and that was it, I have been fine ever since.

My problem was more getting easily upset and lack of focus, and then blaming it all on the accident. But none the less it worked wonders!

You need to find your own hobby, preferably that includes other people as this will build your self confidence and also self esteem

I went to college this year, 1 day a week, and it was fantastic, it's made such a difference! Not that I'm suggesting college, but a club? I've been in a couple over the years, scuba diving and snowboarding being two of them.

blackshirtuk

Hi
Just read through the whole thread !!!!

I agree that you were wrong and blew things out of proportion. I have been married for 10 years and have learnt a lot about myself through arguments and diagreements with my wife. She is so much better at discussing her feelings but I sometimes misinterpret things she says.

I know you are only recently married, trust me arguments happen and when you love the other person they feel like the end of the world because you don't want to be fighting with the one you love.

We have learnt to really communicate and understand each other. Men and women really do speak a different language. We have both read "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" A lot of stuff in the book we knew but it did help us both to understand how the other person percieves certain questions or comments.

One of the best ways my wife will start a talk is to say somethind like..
"i really screwed up and would like you to help me understand why the situation developed like it did" Men are great at finding solutions but bad at talking about feelings!!

Perhaps if you used a similar opening gambit you would be able to get your OH to open up about how he felt and sort out this problem!

I sincerely wish you the best of luck as some of us men are crap about talking about how you women make us feel , we would rather win the argument!!

David

euronorris

Hi OP.

Glad that the talk went well and you are moving forward.

I think counselling is an excellent suggestion. I'm being referred myself at the moment to learn some tools of how to cope with missing friends and family so much. I'm fine most of the time, but when I return from a visit to the UK, I'm a complete wreck for a few days which is horrid.

I'm positive that I'll be able to find a way forward on that too, and so will you with this (also around the same age - born in '82).

xx

Littlemadam83

Thank you Blackshirt uk - I agree with everything you are saying. You are especially right about I need to look at how I go about saying things as this whole argument could have been avoided.

Euronorris - bless you. That's really sad that you have to go through that pain when you head back, but am so glad you are fighting through it and know you are getting there xxxx

We should have a "I was born in the 80's and am going through emotional turmoil" thread ha ha.

We met for lunch (we dont normally) as he was driving through on his way back from a customer. It was nice, but I think he needs more space to get over it. I didnt push him into it before anyone says he literally estimated he would came past my work at my lunch time.

I just want to feel a bit happier xxx