I was wrong, how do I make it up? He didnt Lie!

euronorris

jamespir wrote: »

yes but backing him into a corner isnt gonna help the situation is it

No, of course not. But, I already addressed that earlier in my post.

Littlemadam83

Euronorris and Redman to some extent I do agree. The only thing is if it is acceptable to lie to save embarrassment, is it acceptable to lie to prevent hurting someone? So if he did something REALLY bad if he can lie because he is embarrassed he can lie about a hell of a lot more.

Clive_Woody

Littlemadam83 wrote: »

I dont care, I did a soft !!!!!! shoot in my earlier years for a bit of fun

You just lost the prude vote on here, but there has been a huge swing for the male vote who now all agree you OH is an ar*e.

euronorris

Littlemadam83 wrote: »

Euronorris and Redman to some extent I do agree. The only thing is if it is acceptable to lie to save embarrassment, is it acceptable to lie to prevent hurting someone? So if he did something REALLY bad if he can lie because he is embarrassed he can lie about a hell of a lot more.

I understand what you are saying, but I haven't excused his behaviour, just explained it.

I think you need to accept that you weren't totally innocent in that instance. From his point of view, you know his upbringing and you know he's uncomfortable talking about fantasies, so why would you think he'd be comfortable talking about !!!!!!? He was probably wondering why you kept pushing about something you know he's not comfortable with.

Unfortunately, because you pushed it so much, you've made it much more difficult to discuss the issue of the lie. In future, I would recommend that you just leave it for a while, don't push him, don't keep asking him, just bring it up casually, like 'Oh, I noticed that you have been looking at !!!!!! because of x, y or z reason. It doesn't bother me sweetheart, but please don't lie to me about it. I'd much rather you told me you weren't comfortable talking about it than lie to me as it hurts.'

Keep it simple and light, and sometimes walk away for a while so it doesn't turn into something huge.

Craftyscholar

Littlemadam83 wrote: »

I know all men look at !!!!!!, I know why they look at !!!!!!, I dont care, Other half knew all this and still said to me he hadnt looked at any. I know you say a lie is a lie, but I want my partner to be honest when asked a simple question.

Swearing on someones life is taking the lie a hell of a lot further and IMO not acceptable

The reason it emerged was his upbringing, his mother forced him into the belief it was wrong, like he has never once told me about a fantasy, he just wont. I will never be able to comprehend how some people can brought up like that!

Littlemadam83 wrote: »

Seriously how can you force someone to lie? It was when he said no when I'd seen he had that it got my back up. I am sorry, but there is no way I am going to back down on being narked when I know someone has lied to my face for no reason whatsoever.

But he did have a reason - his denial was instinctive based on his upbringing. When you pushed he felt he had to stick to his original statement or admit he had lied.
I presume he knew your views on lying so he would have realised that admitting he had lied would have landed him in more trouble that looking at the !!!!!!.
Talk about being between a rock and a hard place - whatever he did he was in deep trouble.

Then he is stuck at work with his OH telling him that whatever he says the phone has proved he has lied.

Blackpool_Saver

Bufger wrote: »

I'm getting the impression that this person is a prude and just doesnt like any conversation or remarks to do with that dirty foul deed!

I'm no prude darling, I can promise you that he he

Odette

I just read the whole thread, dear me! I hope it goes well tonight littlemadam, it wasnt such a big deal!

Littlemadam83

Odette wrote: »

I just read the whole thread, dear me! I hope it goes well tonight littlemadam, it wasnt such a big deal!

Awww bless you, thank you for reading all through that, warts and all!!

Looking at it it is a big deal to me as I have totally screwed up, although I am gooing to try and diffuse the situation later, but he sees it as huge (which I can understand), but wish he didnt xxx That doesnt make sense at all does it?!!?

Blackpool_Saver

I remember all these types of rucks when I was a youngster, it's all part of learning in relationships, I hope that doesn't sound condescending LM

Blackpool_Saver

He needs to accept his part in it too, it's not ALL you, if he hadn't lied in the past this wouldn't have happened