I was wrong, how do I make it up? He didnt Lie!

Littlemadam83

jamespir wrote: »

so why did you make a big thing about it then which obviously forced him to lie

Seriously how can you force someone to lie? It was when he said no when I'd seen he had that it got my back up. I am sorry, but there is no way I am going to back down on being narked when I know someone has lied to my face for no reason whatsoever.

pelirocco

Littlemadam83 wrote: »

Spender - thanks for your input.

I know all men look at !!!!!!, I know why they look at !!!!!!, I dont care, I did a soft !!!!!! shoot in my earlier years for a bit of fun, I DO NOT CARE ABOUT !!!!!!. Other half knew all this and still said to me he hadnt looked at any. I know you say a lie is a lie, but I want my partner to be honest when asked a simple question.

Swearing on someones life is taking the lie a hell of a lot further and IMO not acceptable

The reason it emerged was his upbringing, his mother forced him into the belief it was wrong, like he has never once told me about a fantasy, he just wont. I will never be able to comprehend how some people can brought up like that!

Lol , wait for the pms to flood in

Littlemadam83

pelirocco wrote: »

Lol , wait for the pms to flood in

I just wanted people to realise I do not have an issue with !!!!!!!!!

Yeah, well that was years ago LOL, I dont look the same now ha ha

pelirocco

Littlemadam83 wrote: »

Seriously how can you force someone to lie? It was when he said no when I'd seen he had that it got my back up. I am sorry, but there is no way I am going to back down on being narked when I know someone has lied to my face for no reason whatsoever.

You are on a hiding to nowhere , the more you keep on , the more he will clam up , its the line of least resistance . You say you arent going to back down , what will you do if he doesnt either? you really have to learn to pick your battles

Redman30

Littlemadam83 wrote: »

Spender - thanks for your input.

I know all men look at !!!!!!, I know why they look at !!!!!!, I dont care, I did a soft !!!!!! shoot in my earlier years for a bit of fun, I DO NOT CARE ABOUT !!!!!!. Other half knew all this and still said to me he hadnt looked at any. I know you say a lie is a lie, but I want my partner to be honest when asked a simple question.

Swearing on someones life is taking the lie a hell of a lot further and IMO not acceptable

The reason it emerged was his upbringing, his mother forced him into the belief it was wrong, like he has never once told me about a fantasy, he just wont. I will never be able to comprehend how some people can brought up like that!

Men do on the whole lie about !!!!!! though. Even if your partners open and willing to the ideas, which many are, you still tend to keep a little back for yourself - if you know what I mean It's a selfish act, and entirely his, so why did you have to insist and push him to get your answer?

He was wrong to lie. You were wrong to push him so far. You're now wrong hanging on to this lie and having it influence your behaviour.
Just apologise to him for not believing him, say you can talk about it if he wishes, but you're not going to force the issue. And then don't mention it again unless he brings it up. He's probably feeling very disenfranchised as you seem to have to have it your own way, on your terms, give him some of the power back.

euronorris

Littlemadam83 wrote: »

Spender - thanks for your input.

I know all men look at !!!!!!, I know why they look at !!!!!!, I dont care, I did a soft !!!!!! shoot in my earlier years for a bit of fun, I DO NOT CARE ABOUT !!!!!!. Other half knew all this and still said to me he hadnt looked at any. I know you say a lie is a lie, but I want my partner to be honest when asked a simple question.

Swearing on someones life is taking the lie a hell of a lot further and IMO not acceptable

The reason it emerged was his upbringing, his mother forced him into the belief it was wrong, like he has never once told me about a fantasy, he just wont. I will never be able to comprehend how some people can brought up like that!

He shouldn't have lied, I agree. However, another viewpoint to consider is that he was simply embarrassed to admit it. Escpecially considering his upbringing.

So he lied, with no intention of hurting you, just protecting himself and then you pushed it, which made him feel uncomfortable and all the while he just wanted you to leave the subject alone.

I understand why you were hurt and why you wanted the truth, but I also think you should consider that he also didn't want to tell you the truth for a valid reason. If he isn't comfortable discussing fantasties with you, then I would've recommended leaving the !!!!!! discussion for another time, once he had opened up a bit more in that respect.

IF this happens to come up during one of your discussions, ask him how he felt when you were asking him and why he didn't want you to know. If my suspicions are correct, then I feel you should also apologise for pushing so hard on that point and let him know that it was also not your intention to hurt him.

James - no one forced him to lie. He may have felt backed into a corner, but it was his choice to lie. He could've adoped the approach of 'I'm not comfortable talking about this yet' instead.

jamespir

Littlemadam83 wrote: »

Seriously how can you force someone to lie? It was when he said no when I'd seen he had that it got my back up. I am sorry, but there is no way I am going to back down on being narked when I know someone has lied to my face for no reason whatsoever.

so you say were you looking at !!!!!!

he says no ( cause hes afraid from his past)
you say i saw you doing it
he says i didnt honest

then you call him a liar he gets upset cause it reminds him probably of his mum so he swears he didnt do it


so now you dont trust him about anything

i really feel sorry for him whether he lied or not

why you need to have a go at him for looking at !!!!!! anyway is beyond me its what men do
you say you ahve no problem with it but you seem to have a problem with your husband looking at it

Littlemadam83

pelirocco wrote: »

You are on a hiding to nowhere , the more you keep on , the more he will clam up , its the line of least resistance . You say you arent going to back down , what will you do if he doesnt either? you really have to learn to pick your battles

No no no, this was for the last really bad time. I am in no way picking a fight today, I have no grounds to. I am litterally going to be in grovelling mode if he does speak to me xxx

jamespir

euronorris wrote: »

He shouldn't have lied, I agree. However, another viewpoint to consider is that he was simply embarrassed to admit it. Escpecially considering his upbringing.

So he lied, with no intention of hurting you, just protecting himself and then you pushed it, which made him feel uncomfortable and all the while he just wanted you to leave the subject alone.

I understand why you were hurt and why you wanted the truth, but I also think you should consider that he also didn't want to tell you the truth for a valid reason. If he isn't comfortable discussing fantasties with you, then I would've recommended leaving the !!!!!! discussion for another time, once he had opened up a bit more in that respect.

IF this happens to come up during one of your discussions, ask him how he felt when you were asking him and why he didn't want you to know. If my suspicions are correct, then I feel you should also apologise for pushing so hard on that point and let him know that it was also not your intention to hurt him.

James - no one forced him to lie. He may have felt backed into a corner, but it was his choice to lie. He could've adoped the approach of 'I'm not comfortable talking about this yet' instead.

yes but backing him into a corner isnt gonna help the situation is it

the_cat

Littlemadam83 wrote: »

Seriously how can you force someone to lie? .

If he's anything like my OH, it probably isn't really a case of deliberately lying, at least not to begin with. More of taking what seems like the path of least resistance at the time! He might well have thought it best to deny the !!!!!! and keep it quiet to save a row. Of course, once you have lied the once and keep getting asked you either have to be more firm in your denial or admit you were lying and put yourself in the firing line for a row! It's not the way I would tackle it, but that is def the sort of thing my OH would do

Same when we argue. He will go all quiet and in my eyes 'stop talking to me'. However over the years I have found that my perception is he is sulking, but his is that he is keeping his head down till it blows over:rotfl: