I was wrong, how do I make it up? He didnt Lie!

Angel1978_2

The hubby isn't sulking. He's angry and needs time to calm down. Some people need longer than others to do this. I know when i'm angry you need to just stay away from me until i'm ready to talk. THEN we can sit down and have a rational discussion about our problems. He just needs time.

Whatever happens though there does eventually need to be a full and frank conversation about trust. No point giving any 'gifts' of any kind until your issues are out in the open. Otherwise you're just sugar coating something that needs to be dealt with and the issues will arise again.

When he gets home later ask him if you can sit down and talk. If he's ready then you can do that. If not say you will leave him alone until he feels he is ready. Then get on with things. No point moping either. He'll come and talk to you when he's ready. You're in the wrong here (admittedly) so now you have to wait. And let's face it, it'll be easier to talk to him when he's calm and rational than when he's still angry.

Don't get me wrong though, he'll still be angry later. You must apologise sincerely. And whole heartedly. No ifs or buts or excuses like i've just come off depo or you've lied before. Just quite simply you are sorry. He will ask why. You will need to explain that whilst it's not an excuse you feel that the lies he has told before are having an impact on your trust for him. Go into detail if you must but just get it all out in the open.

Clear out any cobwebs and any skeletons that might be hiding. THEN your marriage can begin.

Good luck.

Littlemadam83

Angel1978 wrote: »

Don't get me wrong though, he'll still be angry later. You must apologise sincerely. And whole heartedly. No ifs or buts or excuses like i've just come off depo or you've lied before. Just quite simply you are sorry. He will ask why. You will need to explain that whilst it's not an excuse you feel that the lies he has told before are having an impact on your trust for him. Go into detail if you must but just get it all out in the open.

Clear out any cobwebs and any skeletons that might be hiding. THEN your marriage can begin.

Good luck.

Totally with you on this, I am not sure how to without aggravating him mentioning the past if he asks, I think I will just say if pushed, "I know it is no excuse, but the past still hurts, and I am trying so hard to move on" etc

Thank you for your detailed advice, it is really helpful xxx

Clive_Woody

Bufger wrote: »

Exactly!!!
If my missus wanted to make it up to me i'd be perfectly happy with a steak and a BJ. if she threw in an ice cold beer and a couple of hastle free hours on the Xbox without housework then i'd be one seriously happy man.

The comment was in no way sexist. It may have been a little too true for your liking.

I'm getting the impression that this person is a prude and just doesnt like any conversation or remarks to do with that dirty foul deed!

To be fair her complaint might have had something to do with the timing, as Steak and BJ day is traditionally celebrated in March (1 month after valentines day) so it is a bit late this year or very premature for next year.

http://www.steakandbjday.com/

indebtinsussex

:rotfl: I am never showing my hubbie steak and bj day is an official day, he'd be counting down the days now!

Clive_Woody

indebtinsussex wrote: »

:rotfl: I am never showing my hubbie steak and bj day is an official day, he'd be counting down the days now!

Bad wifey!!!!

Angel1978_2

Littlemadam83 wrote: »

Totally with you on this, I am not sure how to without aggravating him mentioning the past if he asks, I think I will just say if pushed, "I know it is no excuse, but the past still hurts, and I am trying so hard to move on" etc

Thank you for your detailed advice, it is really helpful xxx

If you can apologise sincerely and he see's that you mean it it will diffuse his anger and give you the chance to discuss things more openly.

If he asks then you're better off saying something like 'I'm not in any way excusing my behaviour. But I really feel like I need to talk to you openly about some of the things that have been on my mind'.

If he welcomes the conversation then you're all good to go. 'It all started when... and this made me feel...' Plain english time. Don't let hormones or whatever stand in the way. Don't be angry. Just explain how his actions made you feel and how it has had an effect on you now. Tell him you don't want to feel this way (I presume you don't!) and that you'll do whatever it takes to work through it. Together. As married couples should.

Someone said earlier all married couples have fights and we do. It's how you pull through them that make you stronger. Not as individuals. As a partnership. You're a team. You need to work together and come through your tough times together.

mikey72

Clive_Woody wrote: »

Bad wifey!!!!

Wasn't that the site that caused all the trouble in the first place?

Clive_Woody

mikey72 wrote: »

Wasn't that the site that caused all the trouble in the first place?

No idea, but possibly one for the OP's hubby to avoid googling.

Littlemadam83

Dont be horrible now people!

I am the least prude person I know! I do not have an issue with !!!!!! for many reasons! I do have an issue with liars, there is a difference!!

GEEGEE8

I have a feeling they meant the Backpool guy that commented on the posts.. Not you OP

I'm not a prude either, but I don't think BJ and stuff should be mentioned in this thread, it's unecessary.