Help with a child and a dog!

dobs

I agree a 2 year old is not a puppy. I'm a dog lover but really don't think it's a good idea to let the dog have a bath with her and for mil let the dog take her toys, as dogs like to be part of a pack and probably being allowed to do all this makes it feel above your daughter in status. If he's that excitable, as springers are, he really should be put in another room, you won't be able to relax if you take the baby round there, and would be horrible if he scratched or jumped up at your baby if he got over excited. Really hope you can sort it out and ur mil realises that children are more important than the dogs feelings! I think the above post is a brilliant suggestion about going to the vets with her btw.

laurel7172

Dogs are pack animals. They need to know where they are in the hierarchy. And that needs to be at the bottom. You can't have any dog, no matter how lovely a pet it is, exhibiting dominance towards a baby or small child.

What I will say, though, is that they're generally pretty sharp at picking up who is in charge. You don't need to be aggressive about it, but if you're firm with the dog it will respect you-whether it respects mil or not. Can you get your daughter, as she gets a bit older, to play "Sit" and "Stay" with the dog? But for now, I wouldn't leave my child in that house without me to supervise. It has "But he was a lovely dog and never hurt anyone before" written all over it. Sorry.

And, personally, I'm no cleanaholic (a bit of a slob if anything), but I'd freak out if my toddler were bathed with a dog.

Spendless

Sequeena wrote: »

I can't believe your SIL left the dog and child together. I would not blame the child or the dog (can't believe she had the gall to blame it all on your child). I am an avid dog lover but I also have the sense never to leave young children and dogs together! They just don't mix.

kids plural as my son was there too. SIL just won't have it that her dog is anything but a great softie - despite evidence to the contrary. She didn't even tell me, my DD did. That's why I feel the OP has to sort it with her OH, mine worrying more about 'how he doesn't want a family fall out' as well as leaving them with her in the first place (at a time when HE should have had them) has annoyed me more in 11 years of marriage than anything else and is def the closest I've ever got to leaving him.

climbintheladderouttadebt

I just want to thank everyone for all the replies, I really was starting to think the hormones had turned me into a monster! There have been such great suggestions on here, especially seeking a vet's advice. I shall try to find out if anything is coming up (other than the groomers, the dog's always kept nice and neat if nothing else! lol)

My OH wants to keep us all happy and I think we'd have had a more productive chat tonight had he not have had to go back to work (we were due to eat out at 3 & be home by 5 but conveniently no-one told me to eat lunch after all as we ate 'lunch' after 5pm and had no evening together at all. Not what I needed today with my indigestion & mood swings!)

I will find any opportunity I can now to discuss this with MIL, I have to bite the bullet. I certainly feel stronger and more assertive about it with so many reasonable comments on here! If my talk doesn;t work, I will happily stop making the trips over. It costs us £12-£15 a time to get there in a taxi, or 1.5 hours on the bus, or even an hour by train & walking from station. She has 2 cars atm, I'm sure she could drive 20 bloomin mins to see us! (As was meant to happen today, but she didn't want to make the trip twice as she was in the area this morning but couldn't get us... grr!!)

LauraN_3

Forgot to say, tell your MIL never to leave the dog alone with your daughter as you just never know what a dog can do. Even the nicest of dogs might do something by accident or get jealous. You just never know!!

elsien

I'm a dog lover with an exciteable dog who leaps around like a mad thing at new people given half a chance. So she doesn't get the chance. If kids come to the house, mutt gets locked behind her baby gate until they've gone as if they get loud she gets spring loaded. If other people come and don't mind her being around she stays on a short lead till she's calm. If she doesn't calm, she goes back out and doesn't come back.
MIL's pup might only be young, but if she doesn't get it under control and half way trained, then it won't grow out of the behaviour, and she'll have an older bigger badly behaved dog instead of a cute pup.
TBH if MILs not prepared to do anything about the situation, then it won't change. You need your fiance to back you up and set some rules for going round there. Or stop going. I don't think there really is a middle way without having some straight words with people - doesn't matter if you like dogs or not, the pup's getting away with murder and will carry on doing so.
You could try some stop gap measure such as telling your daughter that if the dog starts jumping to turn her back till he calms down, or when she's eating to sit at a table where he can't reach but anything you do won't make much odds in the long run if there's no consistency which has to come from MIL and family, I'm afraid.

Edit - didn't realise the dog was 2 - plenty old enough to have learned to behave better. Even if he doesn't mean any harm, that really isn't the point, it's still not on even if you were 100% sure he wouldn't deliberately hurt anyone.

sashadesade

climbintheladderouttadebt wrote: »

It boggles my mind that people can believe that, and I try to envisage the situation as if I were a dog lover instead. I actually can't!!

I love dogs but I think you're in the right here. I can't stand it when people don't train their dogs properly and let them jump up and beg for food etc. Taking a bath with a dog is also a pretty disgusting idea! Your MIL should be more concerned about her grandchildren, and the cost of dog training should be a small price to pay to ensure the children's safety.

scruffy96uk

climbintheladderouttadebt wrote: »

Briefly (as poss!) I'm 7 months pregnant with fiances son, we have a daughter who's 3. My mother in law has a springer spaniel of nearly 2. The family LOVE dogs. Dog mad. Not me. Our daughter loves the dog like no-one else!

I had to read that bit and re read again I thought u were pregnant by your fiances son I was very confused;)

I agree with others. I have a dog and if there are other children visiting my house I don't let the dog lick, steal or snatch from them. The second he is naughty ( usually coz hes gettin excited) he's out the room for a calm down then let back in.
I would speak to MIL (if she is approachable in that way) and tell her how you really feel, if not write how you feel down and either give her the note or ask OH to speak to her.

Hope you get something sorted

tanith

I can't imagine for one minute why anyone would bath a very young child with a dog for goodness sake... YUK YUK YUK..... that dog should never ever be taking anything out of a childs hands... its wrong and I would hate for you child to end up seriously hurt.. you need to have that conversation with either your other half or his mother

EDIT.. get them to read this thread so they realise how unacceptable most people find it..

Person_one

sashadesade wrote: »

I love dogs but I think you're in the right here. I can't stand it when people don't train their dogs properly and let them jump up and beg for food etc. Taking a bath with a dog is also a pretty disgusting idea! Your MIL should be more concerned about her grandchildren, and the cost of dog training should be a small price to pay to ensure the children's safety.

Oh dear, I seem to end up doing it every time I bath the dog!

Some dogs are harder to train than others, I speak from experience! But if the dog can't be trained to a reliable standard, it has to be elsewhere when small children are around. A crate, a baby gate, or behind a closed door. Its not good for either dog or baby as it is.