Advice Please, Alcohol and Sleepwalking!

pinkshoes

1. Plastic sheet for underneath his half of the bed. Leave it on permanently.

2. Next time he comes in from drinking, video his night time antics, then SHOW him what he does. If that doesn't humiliate him into curbing his drinking, he really does have a problem!

3. Threaten to turn up on his night out and ask all his friends to stop him drinking more than 3 pints because he wets the bed.

Fang_3

meritaten wrote: »

I dont think you read my post at all!

The point I was TRYING to make is that her OH may be unaware of exactly how much he is drinking!
If the man is normally a responsible drinker and its only when he is out with his mates after matches he may well be a victim here of other team 'mates' spiking his drink!!!!
and dont tell me it doesnt happen - Seen it with my own eyes! heard the mates laughing and bragging about it! Responsible landlords keep an eye out for it - but tbh the bar staff are NOT encouraged to refuse to serve shorts - even when we DO suspect that spiking is going on!

You might have a point if it had only happened a few times, but this is happening with alarming regularity. And he isn't doing anything to stop it. That makes him, by very definition a weak willed and pathetic man, and an alcoholic.

Savvy_Sue

Personally, I'd leave it up to AA to get the OP's OH to come out with "My name is Fred, and I'm an alcoholic."

In the OP's situation, assuming I didn't want an excuse to get rid, I'd be happy to start with an admission that there is a problem with alcohol (peeing inappropriately when drunk), and a willingness to do something about it (ideally stop drinking!)

How's it going so far, Looking?

Fang_3

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Personally, I'd leave it up to AA to get the OP's OH to come out with "My name is Fred, and I'm an alcoholic."

In the OP's situation, assuming I didn't want an excuse to get rid, I'd be happy to start with an admission that there is a problem with alcohol (peeing inappropriately when drunk), and a willingness to do something about it (ideally stop drinking!)

How's it going so far, Looking?

Either that or she might want to invest in a wet suit, a snorkel and some guttering.

Bufger

My brother did this to his Mrs once - she kicked him out and he went round our mums house at 5am !!!!ed as a fart with a wed duvet in his arms!

Strangely enough he didnt do it again (and the only way he didnt was by controlling the amount of alcohol he took in)

graemecarter

meritaten wrote: »

I dont want to quote anyone in particular - but I really DONT think her OH is an alcoholic. he is a person who cannot handle alcohol when he drinks.

I dont know if any of the male posters will agree with me here - but the peer pressure to get totally hammered after a rugby (and possibly football match) is something I have seen from both sides of the bar.
I used to work as a barmaid (one of my many many jobs) and I can tell you that your OH probably doesnt even know how much he is drinking. For some reason some immature males find it very very funny when a mate gets so drunk he is legless - and will help that along by slipping shorts into their pints. I have seen it happen so many times. also they have this culture of playing 'drinking games' when a forfiet is usually to down a pint in one, or to drink a really strong shot of something like Tequila or 100% proof Vodka. Most sensible landlords banned these games a long time ago - but it still goes on, especially in rugby clubs.
Sit your Oh down and talk to him, ask him what goes on after matches. if he doesnt remember (very likely) then go along yourself one night and observe!
unfortunately, the men feel its not macho to limit their drinks or only have soft drinks.
do you think this maybe what is happening here?

No-one likes the label 'alcoholic' . It has connotations with street sleepers etc. It took me a long time to realise and admit to myself that I am an alcoholic
You could say he 'abuses alcohol' or is 'alcohol dependent' if that sounds better/more acceptable.
At the end of the day, whatever the label, this guy cannot drink safely.
I couldn't drink safely, and could not moderate. That's why I needed to stop drinking. I find it helps if I admit I am alcoholic, as that way I know I cannot take that first drink.

No-one pours alcohol down anyone else's throat. Sure, there may be peer pressure, but I bet all of his mates are not coming home and wetting themselves.

graemecarter

Fang wrote: »

You can agree or disagree as you see fit, and I would defend your right to do that. It doesn't make you any less wrong though.

If someone is so weak and pathetic that they cannot say 'no' to a drink, then they are, by definition, an alcoholic. I have absolutely no time for people that put alcohol above those that they profess to love. The OP's husband is disgusting to do that to her and not even make an attempt to stop.

I believe alcoholism is an illness, and it is not so simple as you make out.
One of the defining conditions of alcoholism is denial - I didn't believe I had an illness until I stopped drinking and the fog lifted a bit.

It's not the guys fault he is alcoholic, but it is his responsibility to get better. However, the nature of alcoholism means that it is entirely possible that the guy will lose things (wife, house, job, health) before he sorts himself out.
I have sympathy with him (and definitely the partner who lives with the chaos), but that doesn't mean I condone what he is doing.

The disease of alcoholism is centred in the mind, not the body.

graemecarter

pinkshoes wrote: »

1. Plastic sheet for underneath his half of the bed. Leave it on permanently.

2. Next time he comes in from drinking, video his night time antics, then SHOW him what he does. If that doesn't humiliate him into curbing his drinking, he really does have a problem!

3. Threaten to turn up on his night out and ask all his friends to stop him drinking more than 3 pints because he wets the bed.

My advice to the OP would be to seek help from Al-Anon

graemecarter

Fang wrote: »

You might have a point if it had only happened a few times, but this is happening with alarming regularity. And he isn't doing anything to stop it. That makes him, by very definition a weak willed and pathetic man, and an alcoholic.

He may be very strong willed, but just not with alcohol.
Many people have a weakness in life, be it alcohol, a lover, vintage motorcars, shoes, etc
Just because they have one weakness doesn't mean they are weak and pathetic - it just means they are human.
Humans are flawed, and that's why we are a fascinating species.

PolishBigSpender

meritaten wrote: »

her OH ISNT an alcoholic! he just doesnt know when to stop drinking! some people dont have that stop button. they dont feel the need to have a drink - but while they ARE drinking - they cannot stop. and thats dangerous.

That sound like alcoholic to me.
To be an alcoholic you don't have to drink everyday. There are different kind of alcohol problem, binge drinking regularly is one of them.

http://www.brighteyecounselling.co.uk/alcohol-drugs/binge-drinking-is-alcoholism-too/