Advice Please, Alcohol and Sleepwalking!

Lookingforadvice

Thank you everyone for your words and support last night, i really really needed it and appreciate it.

Cherub we are 27 and 29....

Sue, i did switch off and tried to sleep. He came downstairs at about 4am realising what had happened, i heard him bundling the bedding into the washer. He came in this morning and could see i was in a bit of an upset state.

We talked long and hard, i know it's words and i need action and he acknowledges this. He said he is ready to make the change and make it now as he knows i'm slipping away and he's also ebbing at his life. I didn't threaten to leave as someone advised me not to as he wouldn't believe etc but i made no bones about the fact that i've reached the end of the line. Either the change starts here or we go our seperate ways and i find someone who loves and respects me fully.

I hope this is the start of something new, i love him, but i wont be a doormat, i deserve so much more than this.

Thanks to all xx

Savvy_Sue

Hope you got some sleep. Even if you didn't, taken time for yourself today - don't wait around for him to wake / sober up. Go for a walk, meet a friend, do some windowshopping. Truly, I think I would get out of the house and not leave him a note.

Here's another thought, which has sometimes saved me posting here. If a friend came to you in your situation, what would your advice to her be? Would you tell her to hang on and hope he changes? Or would you tell her to take immediate and decisive action? By all means give him one last chance to see the GP and get treatment, but this sounds more serious than an occasional binge accident.

You might find Al-Anon useful. Whether or not you or he considers himself an alcoholic, your life is DEFINITELY being affected by someone's drinking ...

Savvy_Sue

Cross-posted, glad he at least SAYS he's ready for change.

NOW get some time for yourself, at least some fresh air!

Lookingforadvice

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Hope you got some sleep. Even if you didn't, taken time for yourself today - don't wait around for him to wake / sober up. Go for a walk, meet a friend, do some windowshopping. Truly, I think I would get out of the house and not leave him a note.

Here's another thought, which has sometimes saved me posting here. If a friend came to you in your situation, what would your advice to her be? Would you tell her to hang on and hope he changes? Or would you tell her to take immediate and decisive action? By all means give him one last chance to see the GP and get treatment, but this sounds more serious than an occasional binge accident.

You might find useful. Whether or not you or he considers himself an alcoholic, your life is DEFINITELY being affected by someone's drinking ...

I got bits of broken sleep but i will make sure i look after myself today as before i know it, i'm back to work and i feel like i've had no weekend. If i was advising my friend, you're exactly right, i'd be telling them to try and get help or ship out....

Thanks for the link, i'll take a look. I'm glad he has said he wants to change and he wasn't just offering up an apology and expecting me to accept that. Hope things change. xxx

gratefulforhelp_2

meritaten wrote: »

simple solutution - he sleeps in the bath!

Funny and practical!

Its not funny, though, is it? This man would not make a good, reliable father. Imagine he fell over carrying the baby around?

You need a new opportunity to have the life you want, you are still so young, plenty of time.

Kay_Peel

Your boyfriend is well aware that he's incontinent when drunk. He knows that he is going to get up in the night and soil cupboards, carpets, beds or whatever.

And he does nothing about it. It's never even crossed his mind that he has to plan for this loss of control of his bladder - and later, for the loss of control of his bowels. Does he care?

What's he going to do when he has to stay at someone else's house or a hotel when he gets hammered?

I have a friend who didn't know the extent of her daughter's problems with her boyfriend until they stayed at her house and he pee'd on her sofa. Her daughter was mortified and ashamed, explaining that he pee'd everywhere and slept-walked while drunk. My friend got rid of the sofa and she made him pay for a replacement. It wasn't long afterwards that her daughter got rid of the incontinent drunk, too and met someone to be proud of.

Your OH has got a major problem and he has to take some responsibility for sorting it out - not you! He's got to decide how he's going to manage himself when he's hammered.

I'd make a point of buying some incontinence pads from a chemist and handing them to him BEFORE he goes to rugby and saying: 'Get one of your mates to put your nappy on before you get home'.

Good luck!

meritaten

lookingforadvice
I really hope your OH is serious about wanting to change. there is something else which may convince him.
I was in school with a lovely girl, but later she had a real binge drinking problem - every friday she would go out and get sloshed (to put it politely). she came home one friday night went to bed and choked on her own vomit - it wasnt clear if the voiding of bladder and bowels came before or after death, but it was the smell which alerted family that something was wrong, too late unfortunately. she wasnt even twenty-one! I still think of her now, and think its a real shame that instead of enjoying her grandchildren she has been dead for nearly forty years.
I know I still miss her, and her family have never been the same - ask OH if THATS how he wants to be remembered?

WhiteHorse

You can't continue like that. If there's no treatment for it, he'll have to give up alcohol if he wants to keep you. That's the choice that you'll have to give him. His response will tell you everything you need to know.

PasturesNew

I'm serious when I say this: Get him a shed to sleep in when he's drunk. It can be a nice shed, warm and cosy .... but he'd not be given houseroom if he were peeing in my house/bed.

slightlyconfused1

Hi

What an awful situation. If he knows what happens and chooses to keep drinking then he is making it pretty clear what his priorities are (and they are not a normal life and future with you).

You say you have had a talk and he says he needs to change. If it happens again next week you know he will never change and you need to decide whether you can live like this. As everyone says he will only get worse if he keeps doing this. It is not normal, even in a rugby crowd, to drink until you become incontinent. Look to the future, can you see yourself explaining to your children that daddy has to sleep in the bath/ shed/ garden because he can't control himself. Or never being able to have anyone to stay or visit anywhere overnight in case he decides he is going to have a drink or 12 and so sleepwalk and do the toilet everywhere?

I do hope he has made the decision to stop and things work out for the best.

Best of luck.