Advice Please, Alcohol and Sleepwalking!

Savvy_Sue

Morgan_Ree wrote: »

I'd give him an ultimatum. Tell him it's the drink or you.
Ok you might not mean it but it could be the shock he needs to sort himself out.

Personally I think you need to mean it. Seriously, do you want to put up with this any longer?

I would not have him in the bed with me, I would fit a lock to the bedroom door and use it whenever he goes out drinking.

Lookingforadvice

blabberwort wrote: »

I really feel for you. I was genuinely hoping you were going to reply that you have always cleaned up after him. At least it could have given a chance for you to change that and make him do it so he can see how his behavour affects you.

Sadly as this isnt the case I think you need to leave before you get even more involved by getting married and having a family. As gravity trolls has shown, it could be the boot up the backside you OH needs if he believes that you have had enough and you never know.... it could be enough to make him change. If it doesnt then you need to keep reminding yourself that he chose the bottle over you and you'd be much better out of it. I totally understand that when you love someone just the thought of leaving them is horrific, but you need to put yourself first in this situation.

Just imagine having children and your OH is still doing this. Can you even comprehend trying to do things like toilet training your children if they see their dad peeing wherever. Thats just the tip of the iceberg imo and these are things you need to think about. I really hope your able to get him to understand exactly how this is affecting you and your future together but somehow get the feeling your better off without him.

Thanks for your wise words...and to everyone else, you have really made me feel supported tonight.

I'm frightened, i'm frightened that i'll never have the family i want, the life i want and end up a lonely old bat with no family to call my own. This is by no means an i'm staying and putting up with this stance because i stand to lose everything i've dreamed of, it's just an i'm frightened stance, feels crap

I will talk to him again tomorrow, i think an ultimatum is the only thing i have left before i have to go.

Morgan....yes he's been out most of today and has wet the bed, hence me laying on the sofa writing this between sobs x

gravitytolls

Lookingforadvice wrote: »

Thanks for all of your replies. The bath suggestion really had me laughing out loud as i can just imagine myself doing that. I don't honestly know whether to laugh or cry right now, had enough...

In my opinion he does have a drink problem which is mixed with the social aspects. I've talked and talked to him about it but it's made no difference so far.

He always cleans it himself, and you're right, he does know exactly what he's done and he's still continuing to do it. I know what i should be doing, it's just hard, i love him but he loves the bottle more.

It hurts so much...

You know what, I bet he doesn't love the bottle more, but maybe he doesn't think that his problem is bad enough to drive you away. And if he's cleaning up after himself and that's not enough to stop him, it's a serious problem.

He needs an ultimatum IMO, but you have to mean it. I don't suggest you tell him 'once more and you're out/I'm gone', it sounds hysterical, he probably won't believe it and nothing will change unless you do.

But you do need to tell him that if he will go to his GP and start a programme to get him off the booze, you're willing to give him 6 mths to prove that he's serious. He needs to understand that the prospect of a long happy marriage and children and well and truly on the cards, and that if he's not prepared to help himself, it can't happen that way.

Savvy_Sue

Lookingforadvice wrote: »

I'm frightened, i'm frightened that i'll never have the family i want, the life i want and end up a lonely old bat with no family to call my own. This is by no means an i'm staying and putting up with this stance because i stand to lose everything i've dreamed of, it's just an i'm frightened stance, feels crap

But you do not have the life you want NOW, you do not have half as much to lose as you think you will, because you cannot seriously think of bringing children into this relationship, can you?

I'd be more frightened of staying. Living with someone who can't or won't change something like this really isn't much of a life.

Lookingforadvice

gravitytolls wrote: »

You know what, I bet he doesn't love the bottle more, but maybe he doesn't think that his problem is bad enough to drive you away. And if he's cleaning up after himself and that's not enough to stop him, it's a serious problem.

He needs an ultimatum IMO, but you have to mean it. I don't suggest you tell him 'once more and you're out/I'm gone', it sounds hysterical, he probably won't believe it and nothing will change unless you do.

But you do need to tell him that if he will go to his GP and start a programme to get him off the booze, you're willing to give him 6 mths to prove that he's serious. He needs to understand that the prospect of a long happy marriage and children and well and truly on the cards, and that if he's not prepared to help himself, it can't happen that way.

Thank you GT

Certainly sounds like a viable plan and one that makes sense. I can't think straight i'm so tired, i hope i can put this plan into action first thing tomorrow x

Lookingforadvice

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

But you do not have the life you want NOW, you do not have half as much to lose as you think you will, because you cannot seriously think of bringing children into this relationship, can you?

I'd be more frightened of staying. Living with someone who can't or won't change something like this really isn't much of a life.

I know Sue, you're right, i'm more scared about my potential future than i am of the present. The children are on hold, i know it's not the right situation. I need to be strong x

Savvy_Sue

Right, now, switch off the 'puter and try to sleep. You can't fix this tonight, in fact you can't fix this at all. All you can do is decide that your future does NOT lie with someone who wets the bed. End of. Whether your OH will make the change or not is out of your hands.

Will be thinking of you ...

Lookingforadvice

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

But you do not have the life you want NOW, you do not have half as much to lose as you think you will, because you cannot seriously think of bringing children into this relationship, can you?

I'd be more frightened of staying. Living with someone who can't or won't change something like this really isn't much of a life.

I know Sue, you're right, i'm more scared about my potential future than i am of the present. The children are on hold, i know it's not the right situation. I need to be strong x

cherub1965

could i ask how old you both are?

mommame

Wait until he loses control of his bowels next which believe me is next on the cards,been there and seen a relative going through exactly what you are now.

10 years down the line her kids had to witness their dad in a drunken stuper sleeping on their doorstep when they came from school with their friends and he had peed and soiled himself.
Can you imagine the lasting damage that has done to his children,do you want that for your's.

Get rid now,dont threaten to leave he will never believe you will do it.
Do it now and negotiate later,rehab etc.
Good luck