worst night of my life

carol01

hi stephy
glad things on the phone went ok parents can be a little too controlling sometimes lol just wait till you have kids :eek:
they will tell you, that you do everything wrong as well. main thing is keep control of your own life and if mum or dad interfers tell them your a big girl now take care

stephy110288

thank you no i do understand them, and when i have kids i wont want them to be in debt especially as i know how horrific it can be at times. i just dont see any point in dwelling in the past, i had two horrible years, i'm past it now and i want to move on. i wish they wouldnt keep bringing up that ive smoked in the past and adding it to my list of awfulness!!
i dont live there now, and my post is supposed to be redirected but royal mail keep forgettin to do it cos they are useless, so at least they wont be forced to see all my statements coming through the post or anything.

Nottoobadyet

I'll admit, this almost made me giggle! I come from a Jewish family, and though my parents arent that bad, I can only imagine the sort of things that would cause my cousins to put their parents in that sort of mood! They would be getting lectures about sending their dear old helpless mum to an early grave and giving their father a heart attack if they so much as looked at a person who would be an undesirable son in law, if they forgot to wash the dishes or had more than a single glass of wine on a night out!

As everyone says - it sounds like you're doing great, and your parents will have to come to terms that your needs are different than theirs.

clairbear1000

No one wants their children to be in debt and certainly no one in debt wants to be in it. But you should be proud of tackling it whilst going to Uni and having a job. Thats an achievement. You are young enough for this all to be over in a few years and by the time you have children you will know both sides of the arguement.

You're doing great.

misscousinitt

Absolutely could not read and run.

I know exactly how you feel with hiding things from parents to make your life easier - I've had a catalogue of it since I was young (i'm 38 now and still hide things for a quiet life!). Emotional abuse is a terrible thing and that's exactly what they are doing by reacting like this...but you stay independant, OK, it may have contributed to getting you into this mess, but it will drive you to get out of this mess and onwards and upwards to better things...I'm very sure of this.

My parents (esp Dad) have always thrown obsticles in the way of everything I have tried to do with my life (the most recent being my Wedding) but stick to your guns and you will get through it - try to put the nastiness out of your mind and concentrate on the positive. Its really difficult when they have such staunch ideas and are effectively living in the past and even (dare I say it) there may be a touch of jealousy that someone so young has the drive and determination to go out and get what she wants out of life. Stay strong and you can achieve and exceed your goals.

Good luck with your debt busting, uni and your future aspirations - you have generated a huge amount of respect on this board. Above all have fun when you can (an especially when you've worked hard for it), life is too short. (((HUGS))) xxx

stephy110288

Thank you so much thats so nice. today is bad, and im sure the next few days wont be much easier as it all sets in and they want to ask more questions. i just cant help feeling like i dont want to answer their questions because i'm 22!!!! why does it need draggin out anymore. i hate what they are doing to me by telling them how ill i'm making them, i hate it. but this is my own doing and i WILL get out of it!!!

sulkisu

I am sure that your parents love you, but in addition to being completely OTT, there is something manipulative and unpleasant about their reaction. Don't answer anymore of their questions. You have explained the situation (which is far more than you needed to), but if they want to keep on dragging the issue up, let them do this by themselves - refuse to participate.

You are not a bad person. You were a bit silly with money (join the club) and you are now sorting it out. Your parents need to cut the apron strings, get a life and butt out of yours. You are 22 - an adult - and your finances are none of their business. Don't let them continue to manipulate or 'guilt' you into doing what they want.

Fiddlestick

stephy110288 wrote: »

Thank you so much thats so nice. today is bad, and im sure the next few days wont be much easier as it all sets in and they want to ask more questions. i just cant help feeling like i dont want to answer their questions because i'm 22!!!! why does it need draggin out anymore. i hate what they are doing to me by telling them how ill i'm making them, i hate it. but this is my own doing and i WILL get out of it!!!

So don't let them, seriously.

Just tell them gently and firmly that it's your mistake, you are fixing it and emotionally blackmailing you will NOT help.

I know it's hard at first, but stick to your guns - you are an adult and they need to treat you as one.

fireflycatcher

I agree with the advice given and have nothing to add. Big hugs to you.xx

Olderbutnotwiser

How lucky they are having a mature daughter who has faced up to and is going to sort this out herself.
I have three daughters and I'd be proud to have them behave as you are.

:oI'd also be slightly worried if they didn't ever mess up- its the fact that you have taken responsibilty that is great. You are a 22 year old woman you are not making them ill, they are making themselves ill and laying a ridiculous guilt trip on you (sorry just my opinion!)
Good luck x