worst night of my life

stephy110288

thank you for everyones advice the last week or so has been tough, saw my mum last monday for the first time since it all happened. she was coming with me for a hospital appointment, and the whole appointment fiasco seemed to take the glare off things. i basically avoiding the topic of money all day and it seemed to work. i dont think we'll ever have that mother daughter relationship, id love to, but for some reason its just not me and its not her
my boyfriends parents gave him 2 grand the other day. just randomly, for the hell of it. i find things like that so hard to deal with, i think in all honestly its complete bitterness and jealousy. how bad is that? i just despise the fact that they hand money out on a plate to him like its nothin, and because they are divorced they compete in how much they give. it winds me up, i would never take anything from my parents a) cos they cant afford to give it, b) cos i'm 22!!!!! am i bad a person being so bitter about it? i'm not sure... its certainly causing a rift... must keep my feelings under wraps!!!! xxxx

miggy

Well done for finding a way to spend time with your mum without it degenerating into a problem Stephy.
As for your b/f's parents: I am tempted to ask if you could persuade them to give me the money instead, but maybe that wouldn't help!
It's hard not to let parents undermine our relationships but if your relationship with him is important maybe once the initial sting has gone out of the 2 grand gift, you could find a way to talk it through with him? Or write out what you would like to say to him and see if that helps you work through your feelings before you say anything to him for real?
I went on a marriage course last year (not just for married couples btw) and one of the things that really stood out was the expectations each of us carries from our separate pasts. It can even be daft stuff like who takes out the bins - if your dad always did it you will expect your boyfried to do the same but maybe in his house it was whoever locked up at night so you could both be fuming at each other over something that doesn't really matter...
Just trying to say, don't let parents spoil things. Even subconsciously.
(I also read a book called 'The Five Love Languages' as a spin-off from the course and found it really useful - maybe you see gift giving as a way of expressing love? But it may not mean the same to him as it does to you?)
Sorry, I'm offering all sorts of suggestions here, please feel free to ignore if it's not appropriate. I hope things are okay following your appointment, and also that you find a way to deal with all that's going on.