Please help someone

miserablemum

Hi, thank you for all the support, I have not been on for a little while as I have been really down about it all.

I have been through my paperwork and noticed I have paid Mint over £2000 in the last 2 years and not one penny has gone of the debt !! It is all interest and PPI. The debt is £4200, I could have paid half of it now and the same is on my other card, except I am paying higher back. My MBNA has changed hands a few times, not via me but via them, when I opened it in 2003 A&L I found the first statement there was no PPI coming out, so I do not understand where that has come from now as I am paying £75 per month on that on it's own.

Anyway I have just this minute cancelled my direct debits as I don't see the point, have I done the wrong thing ? I don't know what is right anymore, I am just so upset that I have been paying them all this money and not eating for it not to touch the debt. I have piles and piles of unopened statements so I have not really looked into it before.

I have kept all the direct debits for the bills such as mortgage, secure loan, council tax, Next etc.

The DMP info has not arrived in the post, how long is it suppose to take ?

I have had a couple of private messages and one was so amazing from a total stranger this site has really helped thank you.

GeorgeUK

Are you going to go on the DMP?
Have you checked to see if you could make any of the savings suggested?

Do you have a Virgin Credit card?
If not, you may be able to apply for one - the minimum monthly payment is the greater of 1% or £25. This would be 0% APR for 14 months. Would this possibly assist with the amount of savings you are trying to find?

You should definately start the reclaiming procedure for the PPI.
Take a look at the link that was given and just ask if you have any queries on what is required.

NorthernLas

Hi MM -

Please congratulate yourself for starting to sort things out for you and your daughter. If you can focus on what you can do instead of beating yourself up about what has happened you may feel more in control. I know this is easy to say and not so easy to do...

So for now, put the unopened statements in a bag, and put them somewhere where you can't see them. They are not important, so behave like they don't exist.

1. I am assuming that the DMP info you are waiting for is from one of the charities. This is great and a big step. (If it isn't then cancel your agreement immediately and go with one of the charities).

2. Check that you are paying your priority bills by direct debit - mortgage, council tax, utilities. Cancel any credit card direct debits - Next is not priority - eat before you pay them.

3. Look at national debtline website. They have lots of really useful info including template letters that you can send to creditors.

http://www.nationaldebtline.co.uk/england_wales/debt_advice.php

4. I think it is a great idea to cancel your direct debits to credit agreements. I also think that you should send them a letter by recorded delivery telling them that your are seeking advice. This gives you 28 days grace.

Letter to send to tell creditors that you are seeking advice http://www.nationaldebtline.co.uk/england_wales/temp/3530_14891.pdf

5. You may also want to send them a token payment at the same time - send them each £1 and no more. If you do them you need to combine the two letters.
Letter to offer creditors a token payment http://www.nationaldebtline.co.uk/england_wales/temp/1973_74091.pdf

6. Have a look at the OS board and get a menu sorted out for next week (you could even use tescos online to check that you are in budget - you don't actually have to buy on-line).

7. Go to bed and stop worrying. Enjoy tomorrow with your daughter.

8. There will be time in the next few weeks to think about CCAs, enforceability and reclaiming charges and PPI. Do the first 7 steps and come back and ask questions.

Hugs to you

miggy

Hello MM,

I don't have the specific knowledge you need but if someone doesn't reply to your questions just post on your thread again and someone will be along.

I wanted to say {{hugs}}, you are among friends here and it's always worth posting because sometimes other people can have insights that elude us when we're in the thick of things.

Please don't feel bad about buying second hand for your little girl. When I read that, I saw myself vividly about 15 years ago. I had a moment of horrible jealously because my friend's little girl, a few months younger than my daughter, was wearing pretty lacey white tights, and my daughter, just learning to walk, had to make do with her brother's cast off, boyish canvas shoes. I also remember buying her a second hand little rocking horse which was so popular he still lives in our loft. She doesn't care he was 'pre-loved', though at the time I was embarrassed that I didn't give it to her straight away, as the vendor suggested - they didn't know it was to be her big Christmas present.

Those two tiny girls - I was watching my friend's daughter doing spectacularly well in a show this evening and I was glad for her. My own daughter has acheived so much and what's more, when she was away recently I tidied up her shoes to make space - two bin bags full! LOL. So the shoe crisis, poignant though it was, was just the blink of an eye compared to her life so far.

Both my older children like stories of when they were little and my son (aged 19) was surprised to hear we couldn't afford this, that and the other. He doesn't remember any of it.

Have you looked at the old style thread for recipes yet? There are some very good ideas. Also look for threads started by Weezl - she's currently testing this site which aims to feed a family of 4 for a month for £100 (and provides good nutrition). She has two littlies so food is child-friendly.

Have some more {{hugs}}, you sound as though you need them but in fact you are doing lots of good stuff which will eventually get you to that light at the end of the tunnel.

xx

determined_new_ms

Hi MM - I just wanted to send u some hugs & cyber love xxx I was a singleparent for yrs, didn't have enough money to pay for things and slow but steadily built up debt. I truely understand the impact not having enough money, constantly worrying about buying basics (when my dd was a toddler she lost one of her shoes & all I could afford was a pair of jelly shoes from wollies, our days out of the house were then determined by the weather when it was raining we stayed in. Kids don't really understand the status rules but as the parent I felt like a complete failure) and the steady errosion of a parent's self esteem. Now I have learnt to live on an extremely lean budget, the irony I need less money to live than I ever did and am actually earning more than I ever have. Please don't judge ur self worth on money, its an illusion that a capitalist society propounds. Please go see a doctor re feeling depressed (there is no shame in taking medication when your ill, you wouldn't feel ashamed to take anit-biotics for a physical illness) your daughter will remember the love and fun she had from & with you - I serious can only ever remember a couple of presents I had as a child. Get strong emotionally and do the things you can - reclaim back the mis-sold ppi, re claim bank charges if possible, look into whether unenforcebility applies to your debts, go through one of the debt charities and get on a DMP and save urself £150 a month. Do you have a spare room? Can you and ur daughter share a room and get a lodger/students for an increase in income? and also approach charities if you have no money for food.

Please remember there is no shame in being poor and it is not a reflection of your self worth or parenting ability. But you need to get strong for yourself and your dd before it has a lasting impact on her. Please pm me if you want to talk to someone who knows where you are coming from xxx

Cheery_Daff

Hi MM,

I don't have any specific advice about dealing with creditors, but it sounds like you're doing the right thing. And as for those mums at the school gates - hmmm. I think what's already been said about thank you cards is spot on.

I just wanted to add to what Miggy said above. My mum brought me and my sister up on her own, and rarely had spare money for anything. We always had second hand clothes, and never even noticed. We were loved and happy. Funnily enough, one of my fondest memories is when we pulled the sofa up to the gas fire and all three of us sat on it eating jammy toast and tea And it wasn't until years later I realised that wasn't a treat - it was because we had no central heating, the house was freezing, and there wasn't any other food...

My partner had similar experiences - of being very excited when they had egg and home made chips for tea - not realising it was because there wasn't anything else.

We both now buy mostly second hand through choice, and still eat plenty of jammy toast - even when we don't *need* to.

So certainly don't worry on your daughter's account. You're doing all the right things, and you'll be making memories for her along the way too, even if it's not necessarily the birthday parties and holidays that she'll remember! I think making fairy cakes for her birthday is a lovely idea What about taking a picnic to a park? A local free museum? Or Special Birthday Egg-and-Chips for tea?

Fingers crossed for your PPI refund, hope you get as much out of this site as I have, and many others have done

xx

determined_new_ms

miggy wrote: »

Please don't feel bad about buying second hand for your little girl. When I read that, I saw myself vividly about 15 years ago. I had a moment of horrible jealously because my friend's little girl, a few months younger than my daughter, was wearing pretty lacey white tights, and my daughter, just learning to walk, had to make do with her brother's cast off, boyish canvas shoes. I also remember buying her a second hand little rocking horse which was so popular he still lives in our loft. She doesn't care he was 'pre-loved', though at the time I was embarrassed that I didn't give it to her straight away, as the vendor suggested - they didn't know it was to be her big Christmas present.

Both my older children like stories of when they were little and my son (aged 19) was surprised to hear we couldn't afford this, that and the other. He doesn't remember any of it.

xx

well put - second hand is not something to be embarrassed about! Ebay is amazing for clothes dirt cheap and mostly excellent quality!

One of my friends told me how she only ever realised how hard up her parents were when she was a child when she reached 16! Kids don't care, they just need their basic needs met, clothes that do not make them stand out (second hand is preferrable to the soles of the lastest trend trainers hanging off), love, attention, caring discipline and that's it. The poorest family can provide these and a child from the most affluent can go off of the rails because they didn't get this.

I feel so sad that I spent so much of my children's younger lives feeling like a failure because I didn't have enough money xxx

Soma

Hi MM
just wanted to say good luck on your journey
glad that there's no shame in buying second hand stuff for kids as I'm planning to have kids in the next few years and will definitely be in debt for the next 6/7 years. They won't know it's second hand! Once bought a charity shop turtle toy for my nephew for £2 - he loved it! One of his favourite toys but not his parents as it made a lot of noise.

BAILEYS6904

Hey Sweetie xx

Have nothing really useful to say but didnt want to read n run

I'm a single mum to a 5 year old and its Bloody hard work!!! You do feel an overwhelming sense of responsibility, like you have something to prove to your child, and the world, that you are able to do everything on your own.

You mention you're on commission only for your work. These sort of jobs should be bloody banned. I work in sales, and the good thing in what you're doing is any sort of telesales companies, decent ones, will snap you up, on a basic plus commission basis. The way they see it, is if you can make a living based on you selling, you will be a bloody good sales person. The way I see it as well, is when you're a single parent, you're hungry for the sales and less likely to be lazy and crap at it! lol

Have a look at agencies in the area. It doesnt look like theres much you can cut down on expenditure wise, so maybe increasing your income could be the option.

My story? I found myself in this kind of situation when my child was born. Ended up swallowing my pride, sold the house, and used the money to pay some debts, and work my way up on the property ladder when i was in a better place financially. Not saying you should do the same, but the option is there to just sell up and rent a while, should you need to. You do have that backup there, so dont ever feel its a hopeless situation, it really isnt. And you know what, you're child wont care if you're a property owner or not, just that you're happy.

Feel free to pm if you want a rant/gripe/moan/whinge/cry. You can get through this sweetie xxx

moo2moo

Children are very resilient little people. They need love, attention and praise. After that nothing much really matters.

Freecycle is a fabulous place for getting outgrown bicycles, clothes, shoes, toys and even furniture from people who no longer require it for a variety of reasons and would rather see it rehomed than thrown in landfill. You would be truly amazed at what is offered up willingly for collection.

Being surrounded by snooty loaded mums is very frustrating and even intimidating but you don't have to be bullied by them. My daughters are spending today making their own thank you gifts for their class teachers. DD2 is making Hama bead hearts (from freecycle) and a card whilst DD1 is making some jewellery and decorating a picture frame both bought for 10p at the school summer fayre. You'd be amazed how many supermarket gifts end up donated to charity by the school staff each year. There are only so many uses for a Worlds Best Teacher mug, when each teacher recieves at least five each year it all gets a bit daft. It truly is the thought that counts and not the cost of the gift, especially when the child has no say in the selection of the item. Its their teacher at the end of the day.

Everyone has bad days, you seem to be having far more than most but you are doing an astounding job. Be proud of what you have achieved so far. You're a very determined lady and you will find a solution that works for you, no matter how long it takes.

Ps. My daughters favourite meal ever is value tinned spaghetti on toast with a poached egg eaten in front of the tv. They'd far prefer that to a roast dinner any day and consider it the ultimate treat rather than a week before payday staple.