Am I being cruel?**UPDATED**

the_cat

Spongbong wrote: »

We don't eat proper meals together because he won't eat the things I cook (like lasagne, curry, spag bol).

QUOTE]

He won't eat the things you cook because you are giving him an alternative!

Yes he will rebel and strop and get upset. Yes he may well go hungry a few times. He will only change if you stop giving into him.

Give all your family the same healthy balanced diet. Include treats but not as a reward for eating veg. With him getting a smaller sized portion of the same stuff Without talking about it, argueing, getting cross, coercing or bribing. Be very consistent and NEVER deviate from this. Soon enough he will get the message

Alikay

One of the little ones I foster used to try it on with food. Basically she was used to strolling around with a bag of crisps or a Pot Noodle, so when she came to us she found sitting still at a table eating a meal with everyone else a bit restricting!

I just served her the same as everyone else and didn't buckle if she left it and complained of being hungry next time. She's loads better now - still doesn't eat as heartily as her sister or our own family, but tucks into regular family meals, sandwiches etc. with no problems.

I'm also puzzled by the amount of choice some children are given with food at an early age. At 4 or 5, fair enough pick between cheese or ham for sandwiches, weetabix or rice crispies for breakfast but a lot seem to get free range of the fridge for meals.....at that age their decisions should surely be limited to what toys to play with or which socks to wear?

samandona

Just a suggestion, but if you are worried about the amount of fruit he is getting (by the sounds of it, virtually nothing) is there any way you can try and introduce fruit smoothies to him?

You say he eats bananas - thats great, theyre the base of smoothies. But you can add all sorts of other things; strawberries, raspberrys, melon, apple. Even better if you can get him involved in the process. Let him choose the fruits, cut them up, and whiz it all up.

Seem's like a win/win to me. They really are just fruit and will provide him with vitamins and what not, can also be considered a treat because they taste sweet (natural sugars in fruit) and you are subconciously teaching him that 'healthy' foods taste nice!

kittendothroar

When I was growing if we didn't eat the food in front of us then we went without! And if it was left, it was served up for the next meal. Also no pudding if the main wasn't eaten. To be honest has not done me any harm and was never overweight, just taught us to be grateful for the food given and to avoid wastage, something which I hate now and avoid at all costs.

Peekaboo

The beans on toast thing sounds a lot like what I used to do (Though I have never liked beans!)

I couldn't stand different foods touching on a plate. Hated things mixing together, hated sauce on foods. I also ate the food on my plate on thing at a time (so - one veg, then different veg, potatoes then the meat no mixing them together, no gravy etc.) seperated burgers in restaurants etc. etc.

I still (and I'm 21 now!) eat foods one thing at a time, and get annoyed when OH mixes it all together on my plate when he cooks!! - Though at least I can have my curry sitting on top of the rice rather than by the side (though if I'm serving it still gets separated as much as I can without putting too much effort in :P)

So if there's a link there, it might be easier to seperate the ingredients as you cook, or offer more 'plain' things. You can still get the things he needs in his diet easily, just don't try to make it interesting :rotfl:Things like the spag bol, curry 'saucey' dishes like you mentioned are exactly the things I balked at as I couldn't separate them!

That's just my thoughts on the matter, sorry if people don't agree! Didn't do me any harm :j

peachyprice

Spongbong wrote: »

Having a nightmare this morning. He had cornflakes first thing which is fine but then I explained to him that he needs to be eating more fruit and veg. All he eats at the moment is the occasional banana.

I got a reward chart out and we agreed between us that every time he ate fruit or veg he'd get a magnet and when he got ten then he'd have a treat. He chose swimming.

Anyway, so far he's had a tiny bit of apple in his mouth which he's spat out and the same with one pea (he asked for peas, I know it's a weird breakfast food lol).

So I've said he's not having crisps and chocolate in his lunchbox until he starts eating healthy food.

He's very upset and now I feel like a bully; I could just cry. It's my own fault he eats so badly, I've never encouraged him enough. When he was a baby/young toddler I was terrified of him choking so didn't really give him much fruit and veg to snack on. Also, I had bad depression after he was born (it's never really gone away) so I suppose I just went for the easy options.

He doesn't live off crap but his diet is really unvaried: he has eggs, baked beans, noodles, ham, chicken, mash, toast/marmite, bread, crisps, chocolate, yoghurt, fish fingers and cereals mainly. As I said, the odd banana and raisins but no other fruits or veg. We don't eat proper meals together because he won't eat the things I cook (like lasagne, curry, spag bol).

He's not overweight at all but he can't be healthy I suppose.

Any advice welcome.

I know I've done wrong by him and I need to get this sorted but I feel like I'm bullying him. I hate him being upset.

Oh hun, don't get into a pickle over this.

By making a big statement to him that he must stop eating the thing he's used to and must start eating healthily you're turning it into a bigger battle than it needs to be.

It's may be too late now, but I would have started by making a subsitution of one of the baddies in his luchbox, without even telling him. Leave out the cereal bar and put some grapes/apple/banana in instead, if he questions it, just say you forgot to buy cereal bars, and do stop buying them. Reduce his crisps to half a packet in a tub rather than a whole bag and eventually substitute them with some cheese or carrot/pepper/cucumber slices.

I have 3 children, all with completely different eating habits. One will eat/try anything and everything put in front of him, one has a phobia about anything with sauce and has a very limited diet, the third eats like a sparrow, loves her veg, has gone off her fruit lately but eats no meat. All three are healthy and active, the one who eats the best is probably underweight, the one with the least varied diet is average weight with the most beautiful hair and skin and the self enforced veggie is petite but perfectly healthy. What I am trying to say is just because their diets don't conform to the 'healthy eating' ideal doesn't make them unhealthy children, it's far more important to me that mealtimes are happy times rather than a battlefield than trying to make them eat what 'they' say they should.

stmatt

Hi

I thin you're providing too much in his lunchbox. I did this when my son first started school and he started being picky with his food. Now he generally has a sandwich (2 pieces of bread and a filling) and 2 pieces of fruit or veg. He doesn't always eat his fruit but they stay in his lunchbox until they are gone, so he may end up with an apple in there all week until he decides to eat it. Sometimes I will give him a lump of cheese instead of one of the pieces of fruit. He now comes home from school and eats most of his tea generally without any complaining.

Another trick I have found for getting extra fruit into my kids is to chop up a bowl of fruit and veg and leave it on the table besides them while they watch TV, whilst I'm cooking tea. They are usually hungry and pick at whichever bit they like.

K

adouglasmhor

Zazen999 wrote: »

Well, this was the 60s and early 70s; we didn't have as much to eat in them days and we certainly couldn't afford to throw food away.

I had the same about the same time scale and it has taken me years to learn that I don't have to scoff every single thing that is put in front of me. I was almost 23 stone when I got control of it

meeps

beans on toast is one of our quick easy teas, but my 6 year old has 'beans off toast' as he prefers it that way. he eats very well but I do give him slightly plainer options sometimes - eg last night we had roasted red/yellow peppers, courgette and red onion so I did some peas for him, but he tried a bit of each- we say well done for trying, don't mind him spitting it out if he really doesn't like it, and give him a high 5 or something if he likes it.

I would suggest giving your son a small bit of what you are having, alongside something you know he will eat, and sitting together to eat, say how yummy yours is then don't talk about the food the rest of the meal, and gradually change the amounts so eventually (all going well) its all the same as yours. Even if you end up eating things you find boring for a while it might be better to eat the same as him.

I give 2 options for tea and we all say what we would prefer, and most votes wins, so sometimes he gets his choice, sometimes not, if he expresses disappointment I say we will have his choice the next day. He blossomed when we started going out for the odd meal and letting him have input with choices for takeaway/picnics etc.

Jo_R_2

I think his lunch sounds fine.

Tbh I wouldn't make an issue of substituting fruit for crisps and choc. The subtle approach I find works better - ie just swap crisps for a savoury alternative you're happier with, same with choc.

Another thing I do is when introducing a new food, I try and dress it up with something I know they like. So a winner was yogurt covered raisins/blueberries/cranberries, as they like yogurt and will have a go. Similar with lasagne, I explained it has cheese sauce in, they don't eat the whole lot but they'll have a good go at the bits they do like, are positively encouraged ("Mummy I'm done now, I don't want the wedges" - food maybe half gone - "ah yes, but I bet you can eat five more mouthfuls of the x/y/z [that I know they like.]")

I also do meals all at the table so we all eat together, I have found that can encourage the LOs to try something they haven't done so before if they see mummy/daddy/big sis/etc eating it.

Oh and I also have done the toast before bedtime if they haven't eaten their dinner thing - I wouldn't nec. make them anything at 2am but tbh I don't want to be woken up in the first place!