Am I being cruel?**UPDATED**

Spongbong

Having a nightmare this morning. He had cornflakes first thing which is fine but then I explained to him that he needs to be eating more fruit and veg. All he eats at the moment is the occasional banana.

I got a reward chart out and we agreed between us that every time he ate fruit or veg he'd get a magnet and when he got ten then he'd have a treat. He chose swimming.

Anyway, so far he's had a tiny bit of apple in his mouth which he's spat out and the same with one pea (he asked for peas, I know it's a weird breakfast food lol).

So I've said he's not having crisps and chocolate in his lunchbox until he starts eating healthy food.

He's very upset and now I feel like a bully; I could just cry. It's my own fault he eats so badly, I've never encouraged him enough. When he was a baby/young toddler I was terrified of him choking so didn't really give him much fruit and veg to snack on. Also, I had bad depression after he was born (it's never really gone away) so I suppose I just went for the easy options.

He doesn't live off crap but his diet is really unvaried: he has eggs, baked beans, noodles, ham, chicken, mash, toast/marmite, bread, crisps, chocolate, yoghurt, fish fingers and cereals mainly. As I said, the odd banana and raisins but no other fruits or veg. We don't eat proper meals together because he won't eat the things I cook (like lasagne, curry, spag bol).

He's not overweight at all but he can't be healthy I suppose.

Any advice welcome.

I know I've done wrong by him and I need to get this sorted but I feel like I'm bullying him. I hate him being upset.

Zazen999

It's because you are making a fuss about it and telling him 'he must' rather than giving it to him and saying nothing.

If you tell him he is having so called 'healthy food' then he will be dead against 'healthy food'.

CRANKY40

If he likes mash could you start him off by adding some mashed carrot to his mashed potato? Broccoli mashes in with potato well too, and and isn't that noticeable once it's covered with gravy. That's how I started mine off - he was weaned on home made puree with veg etc, but refused the whole item when he was older. I knew he liked the taste of veg and didn't want him to lose that, so I hid things a lot. Now he's 5 he will eat them separately and knows that they're good for him. The only thing I have promised is that I won't give him sweetcorn, hidden or otherwise. He hates it with a passion.

You don't have to put a whole packet of crisps in his lunchbox either - you could just give him a few in a plastic bag or tub. That will leave room for his sandwich. Yoghurt would be better for him in his lunchbox than chocolate?

If he's missed out on the fruit/veg stage at weaning, maybe you need to go back and start that with him instead of just expecting him to get stuck in. Fruit purees could be added to yoghurt so he gets the taste for the fruit before having to apply himself to the whole thing. A little bit of chopped apple or some strawberries could be added to his cereal. Apples can also be chopped into sticks and dipped into yoghurts instead of eating the yoghurt with a spoon.

kafkathecat

I am not a fan of star charts as it kind of implies that eating healthy food is not nice so you have to be rewarded for eating it, sorry. One thing that worked for my son was giving him salad or fruit if he was hungry between meals or even just before tea was ready as it doesn't spoil your appetite and things alwasy taste nicer if you are hungry. I tend not to have treats in the house and rarely have dessert. I also left my son's lunch on the table until tea and his tea until bedtime when he was younger. My son will now eat almost anything but even at 12 his appetite varies wildly from day to day. K.

Spongbong

His lunchbox today has ham sandwich, apple, 3 breadsticks (plain), yoghurt and some cheese cubes.

Does that sound okay?

I'm aware I am dense when it comes to healthy eating but my mother was bulimic so I wasn't really brought up with a healthy attitude to food. I'm aware that I'm sending my son down the same unhealthy path and so am determined to nip that in the bud now.

busiscoming2

I am probably not the best person to comment as I never had any problem with my childrens eating habits (thankfully). Right from the beginning if they didnt eat dinner they had no desert, when I introduced a new food they had to try it. Each child didnt like a certain food ie: one didnt eat mushrooms, another peppers etc, so when I made something like a spag bol or lasagne they all got the same and had to pick out the bits they didnt like! It all worked out fine and over the years they came to eat their 'dislikes' partly because taste changes over the years doesnt it?

I think Star charts are a good idea and certainly worth a try. Also with regards the 'un healthy' snacks if you dont buy them they cant be eaten! I am also a great believer in all sitting down down together and eating together, I am sure that helps.

Remember children wont starve themselves and your ds saying he hates you is just his reaction to not getting his own way!

anonymousie

I have 3 kids, now 17/14/11 and from school age the rule was "eat what we are all eating or there is weetabix" (yup weetabix not sugary fancy cereal, not toast with jam just weetabix).

We don't really go much on desserts- it's fruit or maybe a yog so that isn't withheld.

As regards lunch, a bag of crisps and a cereal bar will pretty much fill a 5yr old up (with "rubbish") anyway. IMHO if the sandwich isd "the meal" and the other bits are "treats" then he'd get just a sandwich and an apple/banana for a few days- then maybe add a bar if that was being eaten.

THe big thing I note is "I gave my son his tea" ....ie he was served it on his own. Not a nice sociable family dinner- can you not put off tea time till a "family meal time"?? Kids eat so much better with others and develop social skills better too. If he adults are having beans too then he'd likely eat them, especially if it was 6 or 6.30 rather than say 5pm ("kids tea time" in my book). Fruit/milk when he gets in maybe to keep him going?

I read your later posts that he has a fairly restricted diet- again seeing the adults he loves eating the food he "wont" and modelling good behaviour is a slow burn winner. Put some stuff he likes and 1 new veg out each mal with a "eat 1 little bit" and you'll gradually win.

pukkamum

I do agree with the other posters i think you are putting too much emphasis on the heathy foods for him.
Just make the food give it him tell him he gets a star for everything he tries (there will always be things he doesn't like) yet again though i would question the slight tendancy towards pandering to him re food ie he had peas for breakfast unless this is a norm for you i wouldn't jump to his whims (even if they are healthy choices) as this again gives him the control.
I know you were probably glad he asked for peas but when he doesn't eat them after asking for them what do you do?
If he asks for peas again say of course i will give you peas for tea this is breakfast.

I wouldn't put up with the spitting out of food, unless it is vile or very hot!!!!!

Try and relax more i know it's easier said than done but if you are tense about meal times he will become tense too and it is very hard to eat whilst stressed.
I would definately start feeding him with and the same as everyone else, are you going to make seperate meals forever?

It may take some time and a lot of stress but you must stick to your guns and do it slowly intorducing maybe one new food a week.

Snuggles

OP, I think it might be a bit much to try to completely alter your son's diet overnight. Also, I agree with other posters, making a big fuss about it and turning it into a battle is likely to be counter-productive.

It might be better to just gradually change things, without a fuss, and without "explaining" to your child that he should be eating more healthily. Also, you should be leading by example. Do you have plenty of fruit available in the house? Does your son see you and the rest of the family choosing healthier options? It should just become part of the lifestyle of the whole family, not a special regime which you are trying to force on your son as that will start to look like a "diet".

Good luck!

poppyolivia

haven't read all the comments but NO you are not cruel! My now 5 year old is abit like this (was worse)...what I do now is when dishing his out...say its sausage and mash.....he will get ONE sausage and one wee spoon of mash and about 6 peas!lol.....I used to load his plate and I think it scared him in a way...as if he decided before he even ate it that it was too much..as time is going on I am adding more and more but VERY slowly....he gets so excited if he finishes his plate now because it means he can have something else...biscuit or yoghurt (or whatever else is floating about at the time!.....he eats loads of fruit during the day so I'm not too strict on what his after tea treat is.