Am I being cruel?**UPDATED**

CRANKY40

pukkamum wrote: »

Precisley mrcow and when does it stop?
Do you serve up toast or weetabix every night when he refuses his regular food?
At what point do you stop and is this not even more cruel?

And also :eek: two am can i have a sandwich?
Not blummin likely get to bed!!!!!!:D

He's asked me twice for a sandwich in the middle of the night. No he didn't get one. I think he had toast one night last month when we'd been to my friends and he didn't eat much of his dinner.

There's some very big assumptions being made here. I was merely going from my experience of a couple of times when my son hadn't eaten enough at dinner time, and thinking that the OP probably could do with a good nights sleep if she's going to sort out the constant snacking/refusing tomorrow. At no point did I say this was a long term solution.

euronorris

pigpen wrote: »

children naturally have large noticable tonsils.. so that is not a reason unless he is complaining of a sore throat/high temp etc he is fine!!

My nephew did not complain of a sore throat or have a high temp and neither did my neice, but both of them had abnormally large tonsils/adenoids.

I'm not saying it is the problem. Most likely it isn't but there's no harm in asking the doctor to have a quick look.

bright_side

Re the eating everything on the plate issue - I had it drummed into me at school that you HAD to eat everything on your plate and they taught us to eat the things you don't like first and save the best for last. This is still with me at the age of 40 - I never ever leave anything on my plate even if I'm having to force it down!! I was overweight as a child and have struggled with my weight ever since. Obviously noone MAKES me eat the way I do now and the weight is getting under control thanks to slimming world, but I still can't shake the old habits of having to clear my plate!!

Zazen999

karen23 wrote: »

Re the eating everything on the plate issue - I had it drummed into me at school that you HAD to eat everything on your plate and they taught us to eat the things you don't like first and save the best for last. This is still with me at the age of 40 - I never ever leave anything on my plate even if I'm having to force it down!! I was overweight as a child and have struggled with my weight ever since. Obviously noone MAKES me eat the way I do now and the weight is getting under control thanks to slimming world, but I still can't shake the old habits of having to clear my plate!!

Try a smaller plate and reduce your portion size.

ailuro2

OP, I'd start a reward chart and have a treat at the end of every week when he eats three portions of fruit and veg a day.

stop the crisps and cereal bar, add little chopped up veggies or fruit into his lunchbox, let him have fresh orange juice with his evening meal etc. LEt him add the stickers himself, this way he will learn what is good healthy food that can earn him a little less healthy treat.

Our DD was terribly picky (I'm terrible too, but getting better as I get older and try to project ahealthy front to DD) but sending her to school dinners from her first year of school helped her enormously, sometimes peer pressure IS a good thing;)

Once you put a bit less energy into his lunch box you minght find he is hungrier for his teatime meal.;) We never said finish what's on your plate, but if there was something new she would get no sticker or treat if she didn't give it a good try.:)

It really is tough to get the food thing right without turning into something that can be used as a power tool for them to gain control, isn't it?

Morgan_Ree

CRANKY40 wrote: »

I didn't say I made him a sandwich, I only said he asked for one. There is no way I would make food for a child in the middle of the night. However, as I'm a widow coping on my own, and I prefer not to be awake in the middle of the night, if we've been out say to a friends and I think he hasn't had enough to eat for whatever reason, then I would give him toast or weetabix before bed.

Of course if he hadn't had anything proper to eat due to circumstances then toast or cereals are fine!
But thats not what you said

Your post suggested you would offer your DS something else if he doesn't eat his dinner. As in doesn't want to eat his dinner at that time.
Then suggested the OP should do the same!

If my DS doesn't eat his dinner then that's that.
He's not going to get anything else.

I'm sure he'll survive till the next morning when he can have breakfast.

CRANKY40

Morgan_Ree wrote: »

Of course if he hadn't had anything proper to eat due to circumstances then toast or cereals are fine!
But thats not what you said

Your post suggested you would offer your DS something else if he doesn't eat his dinner. As in doesn't want to eat his dinner at that time.
Then suggested the OP should do the same!

If my DS doesn't eat his dinner then that's that.
He's not going to get anything else.

I'm sure he'll survive till the next morning when he can have breakfast.

Sorry if I didn't make much sense, but I was really only thinking in terms of tonight. If the OP cuts out the snacking tomorrow, then her son should be fine for eating his dinner tomorrow night? Before I was widowed my husband worked away, and I think I have some sort of inbuilt fear of not having enough sleep and not being able to cope - hence my suggestion for avoiding the hungry wakeful child situation tonight. My son has tried to refuse his dinner at home a few times in the past, and my usual response of "OK, starve then, see if I care" is usually enough to get him started on his eating.

A bit harsh, but oddly, it works.

p.s. Just smack me - I'm not alweays good at explaining what I mean. I'd give mine away if he refused his dinner every night.

travelgran

Interesting to see the difference expressed between 'good' food, sandwiches, main course and 'treat' or 'reward' food, fruit, yogurt, cake. Our relationship with food is incredibly complex!

mrcow

CRANKY40 wrote: »

He's asked me twice for a sandwich in the middle of the night. No he didn't get one. I think he had toast one night last month when we'd been to my friends and he didn't eat much of his dinner.

That's a bit different though. It's not as if he's making a habit of it. If he was (as the OP's child is), then an evening or nighttime snack is inappropriate.

If one of my children woke me up becuase they were so hungry, they would probably get something to eat (if it was just a normal night or they had been ill etc.) - but I certainly wouldn't be makng a habit of it

The way you worded your original post was as if a child demanding food at 2am becuase they hadn't eaten enough at dinner was a normal occurance! :eek: Sorry if I got the wrong end of the stick.

angelicmary85

pukkamum wrote: »

I would also be wary of 'asking' him what he wants for dinner as this can open the door to food control, just decide and give it to him.

I have real probs with DD and her eating habits.

I tried to get her involved with prep and cooking but as soon as my back was turned she started opening the oven door/taking out the grill pan/stirring pots and I felt it was getting a bit too dangerous for her to be 'playing' with the cooker (she's only 2!)

So I switched to asking her what she'd like for her meals so when she asks for something, I know she'll eat (at least some of) it!

We had to put her on a multi vitamin as I was getting concerned about her lack of nutrients

Now, I don't really see the harm in asking children what they'd like to eat and although we still can't get her to eat most things, she's just started eating custard :j which was a huge deal for us and I'm hoping that, with time, she'll learn to like more new things :T