Am I being cruel?**UPDATED**

Spongbong

My son, aged five, is always wasting food. He'll ask for something and then poke it around a bit then say he doesn't want it. Ten minutes later he's asking for something else. I've been a mug because I've let it go when I should have been more strict. He is a very picky eater so doesn't eat a great variety of food.

Today I discovered he'd only taken one small bite of his ham sandwich at school and left the rest (managed the crisps and cereal bar though of course) so that was more waste.

For his tea, I'd made him some beans on toast (as he'd asked for) and he merely pushed it around the plate a bit then announced there were 'toast crumbs' on it :undecided and so he didn't want it. I was very cross and firmly announced that I'd had enough of his wasting food and that if he didn't eat the beans on toast then he wasn't eating ANYTHING ELSE at all today. I repeated the point about four times to ensure he understood and he said "I'll just have a drink".

Of course, fast forward an hour and he's saying he's hungry and keeps asking for food. He's getting a bit upset and saying sorry and that he won't waste any more but I've heard this before and he's still left food.

I'm finding it very hard not to feed him as it's going against all my instincts but I'm also determined to show him that he can't keep on wasting food. We can't afford it and it's wasteful.

He's stropping and saying "I HATE YOU!" now.:(

So, please tell me, have I done the wrong thing? It feels awful and I just want to scoop him up and feed him. If you think I'm doing the wrong thing then have you any suggestions about what I should do?

Thanks.

polkadot

I think you are doing the right thing. Im going through a similar thing with a 4 year old who would happily live on chocolate buttons and chocolate digestives. He is normally good about breakfast but recently started asking for coco pops with no milk. Put my foot down that he has to have milk today or nothing for the rest of the day-he did have his milk with his coco pops, refused lunch but has asked for ice cream (he got told no, Ill reconsider if he ears his pasta tonight).

It is very hard, but like you say-Ive let it go for so long I cant expect to fix it overnight.

the_cat

Well I don't think you are necessarily doing the wrong thing in principle, but I agree it will be very hard not to give him anything at all until tomorrow

Why not give him some beans on toast now. He can prove to you that he means what he says and you can be the 'winner' of the battle by not giving him anything different. At age 5 he is maybe a little young to really understand the consequence of not eating earlier

Also, I would respectfully suggest that you should not include any crisps or cereal bar in his lunchbox tomorrow. He will have to eat the sandwich then! Only allow him 1 of these in his packup occasionally and NEVER if the sandwich/healthy stuff is not being eaten. When he is older it will be much more difficult as he will have the chance to buy his own stuff/bin his sandwich or swap stuff with friends. So try and get the healthy habits entrenched now whilst you are still in (almost) total control!

gunsandbanjos

My DD went through a bit of a phase of this, she eats when she is hungry and that is fine, but sometimes she would say she was hungry, i would make something and then she would have about 2 bites of it:mad:

I started leaving her food on the kitchen counter when she was finished and then giving it back later if she was hungry again and was just messing about.

Did you keep the beans on toast? If so just give it back to him.

Zazen999

My mum would keep giving me the same meal until I ate it - sometimes for breakfast.

I don't mean she remade it; I mean she would pop the unfinished plate in the fridge and serve it up for the next meal.

It didn't take long to get me to finish my meals after that.

mrcow

Good grief!

A five year old?

Why is he having crisps and cereal bars for lunch? They are full of rubbish that he shouldn't be eating. Give him sandwiches and fruit. If he doesn't eat it, then fine.

As for the dinner - absolutely don't give him anything else. He gets his dinner, He eats his dinner. If he doesn't want it, then take the plate, scrape the dinner in the bin/compost and dinner is over.

That's it. No more food.

It's not cruel - it's the way it works.

Anything else, and he's playing you for a complete mug.

mikey72

Beans on toast until it's gone.
It'll be more painful for you than him as well.

gunsandbanjos

Zazen999 wrote: »

My mum would keep giving me the same meal until I ate it - sometimes for breakfast.

I don't mean she remade it; I mean she would pop the unfinished plate in the fridge and serve it up for the next meal.

It didn't take long to get me to finish my meals after that.

I wouldn't necessarily make them finish everything, but at least make a really good go of it. Making kids finish everything sets a bad precedent and encourages overeating. My daughter knows she doesnt have to eat everything, she eats til she is full. Though she gets no pudding if she doesnt eat all her dinner which is good as it limits the amount of sweets she eats too:D

mrcow

the_cat wrote: »

Well I don't think you are necessarily doing the wrong thing in principle, but I agree it will be very hard not to give him anything at all until tomorrow

Why not give him some beans on toast now.

Because this is a control issue and by consenting, the OP is giving control back to the child.

He is trying to stamp his authority over the relationship - using food, which is a very emotive topic - and it's up to the parent as the person in authority to maintain that authority.

She's said no. So no it is.

He won't starve to death. It's not cruel. It's rules. And by the age of five, he needs to start understanding them (and the OP needs to be enforcing them consistently).

Give him no more dinner tonight.......see if you have the same problem tomorrow or not......

Zazen999

gunsandbanjos wrote: »

I wouldn't necessarily make them finish everything, but at least make a really good go of it. Making kids finish everything sets a bad precedent and encourages overeating. My daughter knows she doesnt have to eat everything, she eats til she is full. Though she gets no pudding if she doesnt eat all her dinner which is good as it limits the amount of sweets she eats too:D

Well, this was the 60s and early 70s; we didn't have as much to eat in them days and we certainly couldn't afford to throw food away.

pukkamum

You are not being cruel, this is a very crutial point in the power struggle over food and is where many parents take a wrong turn and end up with a kid that only eats chocolate or whatever.
He will not starve going one night without food and as long as you make sure he has a good breakfast he will learn a valuble lesson.
I would also be wary of 'asking' him what he wants for dinner as this can open the door to food control, just decide and give it to him.

As for the lunch i would give him one warning that unless the sandwiches are eaten (and he must eat them first) he will not get crisps and cereal bars only extra sandwiches and stick to it!!!