Am I being cruel?**UPDATED**

pukkamum

pelirocco wrote: »

You would be surprised , there are a lot of children out there who do prefer ''healthy'' food over jumk , my neice loved olives , any sort of fish etc from a very young age , but hates crosps

Baked beans are very healthy btw . Dont assume all children are alike

I never said i didn't believe that they didn't like healthy food i made the point that my own children love healthy food my DD loves olives etc.
I was making the point that i can't believe they LOVE EVERY BIT of food the parent ever gives them unless mum only ever gives them their favourites.

kafkathecat

By the way when my son said/says 'I hate you' I just say 'I love you'. It does make him stop and think and usually he calms down and says it back. K.

bestpud

I started having some issues with dd(8) so have put my foot down!

This is what worked for us:

Water with her meals instead of squash as she was filling herself up with drink!

A small snack on getting home from school - one piece of toast or fruit or a yogurt. That gets rid of the post school hunger and I find she actually eats better later on then.

Three items only in her lunch box - roll/sandwich + yogurt/cheese + fruit/cucumber sticks. She sometimes has a small sausage roll, or a few crisps in a little box, or a small pepperami and fruit juice instead of actual fruit - maybe once every couple of weeks.

Sweets once a week (Monday afternoon) only - 50p worth that she chooses herself.

She isn't allowed to say she dislikes anything before she has actually had a good try! That was starting to drive me mad I was forever hearing 'Euuccchhh, I don't like that!'

I don't force a clean plate but I wouldn't allow anything else or dessert if she'd not eaten most of it.

If she refuses a meal there is nothing else until the next one.

I often place her food in the shape of a face or something, or she helps dish up and will do it herself. I find she is far happier to try new foods if she's had a hand in making them!

We have always eaten together and I've never made separate meals, although I will adapt meals to allow for foods I know we don't like - we can't all like everything after all!

As for getting more fruit in him, dd loves frozen grapes and smoothies. She also likes yogurt lollipops so that makes a good dessert imo - you can put little pieces of fruit into them too. Or fruit juice lollies.

I'm all for making food 'special' and healthy!

Basically though, try not to worry as you are doing the right thing - stick with it and get as much support as you can from here and the people around you.

Savvy_Sue

Maybe one last tip, whether eating together or separately, is that you allow a decent amount of time to eat. We've lost it a bit now, but mine went through a phase of rushing down from the table and I used to make them sit still until we'd all finished. Sometimes they'd find they were still a bit peckish, so when pudding (fruit / yog) was offered, they'd have some after 5 minutes whereas otherwise they'd have gone off and wanted a biscuit much later.

Mine used to have to say "Please may I get down, thank you for my tea" before they could go, and sometimes I'd say "No, not just yet, tell me about ... your day / swimming / football / what you want to do this weekend" just to keep them at the table a little longer, and to save them rushing back demanding snacks before I'd cleared away.

Bonnie2009

Spongbong wrote: »

My son, aged five, is always wasting food. He'll ask for something and then poke it around a bit then say he doesn't want it. Ten minutes later he's asking for something else. I've been a mug because I've let it go when I should have been more strict. He is a very picky eater so doesn't eat a great variety of food.

Today I discovered he'd only taken one small bite of his ham sandwich at school and left the rest (managed the crisps and cereal bar though of course) so that was more waste.

For his tea, I'd made him some beans on toast (as he'd asked for) and he merely pushed it around the plate a bit then announced there were 'toast crumbs' on it :undecided and so he didn't want it. I was very cross and firmly announced that I'd had enough of his wasting food and that if he didn't eat the beans on toast then he wasn't eating ANYTHING ELSE at all today. I repeated the point about four times to ensure he understood and he said "I'll just have a drink".

Of course, fast forward an hour and he's saying he's hungry and keeps asking for food. He's getting a bit upset and saying sorry and that he won't waste any more but I've heard this before and he's still left food.

I'm finding it very hard not to feed him as it's going against all my instincts but I'm also determined to show him that he can't keep on wasting food. We can't afford it and it's wasteful.

He's stropping and saying "I HATE YOU!" now.:(

So, please tell me, have I done the wrong thing? It feels awful and I just want to scoop him up and feed him. If you think I'm doing the wrong thing then have you any suggestions about what I should do?

Thanks.

OK looks like I'm going to be the only person who thinks that yes, you are being cruel, sending a five year old to bed, hungry.

I know it's frustrating when a child behaves like this, but the punishment (no food for about 14 hours) is totally disproportionate to the crime.

It's been incredibly hot lately and maybe he just wasn't feeling like a hot meal. Don't take it personally that he doesn't want to eat a hot meal.

Surely, SURELY nobody in their right mind (not you, OP, some of the other commenters) would serve up the same beans on toast again and again like that. They're disgusting when they're cold/reheated.

I know food is expensive, I know times are hard, but I'd feed my children before myself any day. I could not, ever, have them go to bed hungry. I see it as a parent's duty to keep a child well-fed. At five, he certainly won't understand the frustration you undergo when he won't eat his food. Don't take it personally.

As far as what he eats in school is concerned, the dinner ladies need to be told to make sure the children eat sandwiches before crisps etc. If he keeps eating them first, don't give them to him, just give him sandwiches and fruit, then it doesn't matter which he has first/last.

Mainly though, I think you have to be careful what you threaten, as you will have to follow it through. Don't use starvation as a threat!

Sometimes children don't like a big plate of food and they'll eat more if there are lots of little things to eat. I know that's hard to do with something like beans on toast but you could have half a slice of toast with some beans on, then little ramekin bowls with more toast in fingers, a few more beans, some grated cheese, etc. You might find he eats more that way (given that the amount he eats is causing you concern).

Tuesday_Tenor

>>> Surely, SURELY nobody in their right mind ... would serve up the same beans on toast again and again like that. They're disgusting when they're cold/reheated.

I LOVE cold baked beans !!!! (Some people eat them straight from the tin!) Just shows, we all have different tastes.

As a child, I hated:
1) Hot milky things (rice pudding etc.). They physically turned my stomach, and still do. I can now eat custard, but only a small amount. A cup of coffee is ruined if made with hot milk.
2) Eggs. I can eat omelettes, quiches etc IF they have LOTS of other yummy ingredients in. Plain omelettes - I can force myself, but don't enjoy.

But I'm of a generation where we were generally expected to eat everything we were given. My father spent 6 years of his life constantly hungry as a forced labourer under the Nazis, so food was NEVER wasted or taken for granted in our house. Eventually, preferences were respected, but not when I was very young. We had to eat what was given, or go without.

If you're really hungry, cold beans and cold toast are fine.

Zazen999

I think there is a huge difference from force feeding a child something that they hate to a child asking for something, taking a bite and not eating the rest....which is the actual case in point.

rosie383

Thank you so much to the OP for starting this thread. I have used all my 'free time' while my 3yr old is at nursery to read it all.
Thank you to all of the experienced parents out there who have given me much food for thought.
I always gave in to my 11 yr old, but then, she would always try food, still does and still tries it on!!!! My 3 yr old is a different kettle of fish and I have learned that consistency is the only way to go and I never give in...... except at meal times. This is slowly changing and thank you so much. This has given me the boot up the backside i needed to stick to my guns.

Spongbong

Just wanted to say that my son has come on leaps and bounds since we've started being stricter with food. He now has no crisps or chocolate in his lunch box - or cereal bars and he's eating all his sandwiches. When he comes in from school he has raisins or banana to tide him over til tea. He's used to this now and doesn't fuss at all.

Also, he's having a Smoothie every day so while he's still picky with fruit and veg he is at least getting raisins, bananas, a smoothie and orange juice every day so it's better than before.

Also, his behaviour has improved A LOT.

Thanks for all your helpful suggestions!

x:beer:x

Newly_retired

That's really good news, Spongbong. Well done!