museumworker's quest to consign mortgage to history!

katsu

Ambala are fab - the green pistachio sweet that looks almost like coconut ice is the best. Jelabi is too sticky and yukky I think.

tootallulah

Hi MW I am really hoping that you enjoy the crochet course, never recommend something like that it is worse than waiting for people to come to your party!

I am off to a spa on he East Coast of Malaysia tomorrow where I will go snorkeling on an unspoiled reef, have had a lovely few days in KL (a very mad city). I have had a pedicure, a massage and a head treatment, yes everything here is very good value. I got upgraded to a mini suite! that has never happened before.

I am however quite "spacey" I have lost track of what day it is and am not quite sure what I am doing at any point which is a bit odd. I needed a break and am now very glad that I did it. Mortgage forgotten for at least another week.

museumworker

Toots, I will write about the crochet course later, suffice to say I enjoyed it and it was a good recommendation.

I have been trying not to post here as I am fed up of my diary being all about my migraines. However I am at my wit's ends now and really feel lost, have no idea what to do. Saturday afternoon I started getting double vision in the afternoon after I made myself the most disgusting juice ever, I thought I would vomit and ended up sitting on the toilet floor, retching and being unable to see. I had 5 hours in bed, our guests turned up meantime and I was distraught. I had hoped OH would cancel them coming over as I said the one thing I don't want was to be stuck upstairs in bed with guests downstairs, and that is exactly what happened. I just felt so rude not even being able to say hello, and also very vulnerable. After a few hours I did go downstairs and say hi, but just burst into tears in front of them and came back to bed. Eventually it passed and I did manage to go downstairs for dinner, other friends came over, and I managed to hold it together for a few hours.

Today I had an important project at work, so got straight out of bed - and had diarrea. Took some imodium, and got in the shower. Then double vision started coming on again, i don't normally get it first thing. Had to go back to bed and friend who is staying took DD to school. I have been in bed all day, the double vision is still there. I can see intermittently, enough to watch a crappy programme or read a little bit, but not much, and as soon as I get out of bed it gets worse and sometimes it overpowers me even in bed. Along with the double vision I get very weak, so even shuffling around the house feels like too much. I do not have a headache though. It feels like my migraines have changed, as this, the aura, is now lasting up to 12 hours with no headache at the end. They were like this about 12 years ago when I first got diagnosed, but up until recently I had the headpain the same time (give or take an hour) as the double vision, so if I managed to clear the headache the double vision would also go. Now there is nothing I can take for the aura, the meds I have don't work on aura.

Bear in mind this is my 8th or 9th migraine in 13 days! I have lost count now there have been so many. And these are the worst in terms of length, and debilitation. I have had to call in sick today, that is my 3rd day lost to migraine in the last fortnight. Before this, I have not lost a day to migraines since that episode 12 years ago (I was at Uni then), or at least I can't recall it.

I really do feel at an extreme low. I can't plan anything for fear I will not be well enough to do it. I was meant to be going out for dinner tonight and had to cancel (again, this was rearranged after i cancelled on these friends a month ago after another migraine burst.) When I'm not having a migraine I feel totally wiped out, I can't even think straight and am being useless on work and home fronts.

I'm really !!!!ing angry and upset - why me? Why now? It is making me very unhappy with my life. I just want to run away from it all, give up work, and do nothing. I CAN'T COPE!!!!

I have been reluctant to go on preventative meds as they are very strong with some serious side effects. However I can't see (unintenationl pun!) how I can NOT go on them at the minute. I need to be able to get to work, and get back to normal. It means we'll have to put off the idea of having a baby for at least another 6 months to a year as you can't get pregnant on them.

I think I need to give up the diet as well, I am just not physically strong enough to see it through. It is adding to the stress as there is so much I cannot eat, and we are under so much pressure so we aren't always prepared enough to cater for me. This illness could be die-off from the diet, but even if so, I clearly can't cope with it. It might make me better in the long run, but I can't deal with the short term.

I wish I could express the way I feel better, and I wish even more strongly that this wasn't happening to me. I can't cope with being weak and having to ask for help, and here I am unable to do very much at all.

cha97michelle

Hon, i can't even imagine it. I hope it helped a bit with the frustration just writing it out. So sorry it has got so bad.

[Deleted User]

Hey mw
Im so sorry that you are having such a tough time with the migraines
I know its no consolation whatsoever to say "I know how you feel" and of course I cant , but I could have written such a similar post to this!!
Chronic health conditions, especially as debilitating as your migraine sounds can be so disheartening , dont want to go into too much detail (happy to PM if itd help?) but having what is likely turning out to be a chronic issues for me which resulted in quite a lot of time off sick, affecting day to day life at times much in the way you desrcribe with friends round downstairs and you upstairs feeling awful....
Im sure youre feeling pretty vulnerable and angry right now - I have been in tears of frustration more times than I can count....especially when it just seems unrelenting and the simplest of day to day tasks and things I have to do are totally impossible...

Could you go back and see the consultant again? I know preventative meds are not what you want, but if they gave you even some remission from this perhaps would be worth it? sometimes when your feeling so ill and low its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel I know , so even some respite from the constant migraines may be enough to boost you a bit and have a clearer head on things...

I think you expressed how you feel incredibly well- in fact articulated much of how I feel a lot of the time when unwell , in ways I dont think Ive been able to get accross!! how is OH coping with it? I know that can make a big difference too to how hard things feel...

hang in there, (that sounds so easily reassuring!) but it sounds like there are options to try and hope that they will help

hugs

tyo x

[Deleted User]

hey mw how you doing?
hope today has been better x

SeriouslySeekingtoSave

You poor love, I'm so sorry. I don't suffer from migraines but I had a friend who did so I have some slight idea of how awful they are. I wish I could help but I can only offer sympathy and good wishes im afraid :-(

Froggy-G

Hey MW!

Hope you are feeling a bit better?
Thought about you whilst reading the paper this morning.. There was an article in the Metro about idiopathic intracranial hypertension, where the symptoms seems very similar to what you are suffering from.. Thought I would mention just in case it had not come up in conversation with your GP..
You can find the article in today's Metro on page 19 (top left handside) and its also available online @ http://e-edition.metro.co.uk/2011/03/29/
If I am being too intrusive, please do not hesitate to ignore me..

Cheers
Froggy

museumworker

Thanks to you all, it really does make me feel better having such supportive and positive comments. In my head I think people must be getting fed up with me, but really I am just fed up with myself, and it makes me realise there is not a finite amount of support and understanding for me. And writing it all down definitely helped. I emailed my specialist last night, if I don't hear from him in the next few days I will call the clinic and see if I can make another appointment.

I have had a much better day tyo, I was pretty shakey but managed to make it on a planned trip to visit one of our museum loans in sunny Norfolk. Lots of time sat on the train, and a cup of tea and a scone made me feel much better . I haven't started eating loads of crud though, I had a veg soup for lunch and didn't fancy an ice-cream in the end, dinner was a healthy wholemeal pasta salad. The trip wasn't too demanding, and I even got a bit of time before the train to check out the charity shops . Bought a book for a friend and a new kipling swim bag for me, £6 in personal spends. Bought pint for colleague, lunch and a water for myself so £6.50 spent there too. Plus stocked up on painkillers for my handbag, so about £3.50 there, included the cheap own brand aspirin so should save me money in the case of emergency. And definitely within personal spends this month, mainly because I haven't been able to go out, but never mind! There was a works drinks event tonight, but I made my apologies as it would have been too much for me after yesterday. I got a book out the library, a stress management journal which I would like to spend some time with at the weekend.

I also had two nice surprises, £100 credited to our fd account for joining , and a statement came through showing £83.54 in interest from an isa we emptied earlier in the year to fund the loft work, so didn't think would get any interest! Paid £183.54 off the mortgage :j. Plus we got our refund from the mortgage transfer overpayment, and have op'ed a further £1116.46 :j ! Making these OP's really make me feel like I AM in control of my life, even with the migraine set backs.

We have also had some details of work benefits available to OH which we are going to investigate further to see if there are some potential savings.

So feeling a lot more positive. I have a GP's appointment booked for Friday morning, so can start the preventative medication then.

newgirly

Hope you are feeling ok today, best wishes.

Just seen new post above, glad today has been better!