Need advice

newlifeahead

Thanks Pigpen

I had called my sister about telling the ex and she has said the same as you. I won't be telling him now. I will just have to deal with the situation if he phones me or turns up at my doorstep.

I don't think my ex really wants to try again, he may just be saying nice stuff to me to make sure I don't move on.

I am going to spot being a 'fraidy cat and try to relax. I really do need to give myself a chance and have some fun.

Thanks

Steel_2

Personally I've never let a man I didn't know or trust stay at my house, even though a few tried before I dated hubby.

If a man needed a bed for the night, they could book a ruddy hotel. I'm not a Premier Inn.

Speaking to someone on the phone doesn't necessarily mean you know him. I would be more than a little miffed I was an after thought plus a little wary as I have no idea what his behaviour could be like or whether I could trust him.

He hasn't made the effort to drive up and date you has he? No, but he could sure use your hospitality when he wants to save some money on a room while he takes part in a competition?

Explain you have a child and it wouldn't be appropriate (he doesn't need to know your kid won't be there) but if he wants to meet up for a drink or lunch while he's here you'd be happy to oblige. A decent bloke will twig straight away. If he doesn't want to meet up with you or fluffs around the subject, he's using you as a convenience.

Don't be any man's convenience.

burnoutbabe

No way, he he coming up as he has something booked, your just a convienent/cheap doss house with maybe some extras thrown in.

if he wanted to see you, he would have arranged to come up ages ago.

newlifeahead

I can see what you are both saying and the same thooughts had crossed my mind.

He had been asking previously about meeting up but I have been working 6 days a week and couldn't get the time off.
I have also been to London a few times last year to visit my sister but chose not to visit him, (I wasn't staying too long and wanted to stay with my sister because I don't get to see her much.)

Steel_2

newlifeahead wrote: »

I can see what you are both saying and the same thooughts had crossed my mind.

He had been asking previously about meeting up but I have been working 6 days a week and couldn't get the time off.
I have also been to London a few times last year to visit my sister but chose not to visit him, (I wasn't staying too long and wanted to stay with my sister because I don't get to see her much.)

Well, he's got some time to date you now hasn't he? While he sleeps in one of those lovely comfy snuggly beds at a Premier Inn. Or the less snuggly ones at Travelodge. As a last resort, his car may have very comfy seats that lie flat. You can lend him a blanket.

:rotfl:

Karate

If he seems genuine go for it. Being that he has suggested meeting before, it looks to me that he has just put two and two together, (his competition and where you live) and just thought that it would be convenient and make sense to meet you this particular weekend.

If he is a serious athlete, he won't even be thinking about any 'extras', he will decline a drink at the pub over lunch and he'll be having an early night in the spare room.

What level does he compete at?

newlifeahead

Karate wrote: »

If he seems genuine go for it. Being that he has suggested meeting before, it looks to me that he has just put two and two together, (his competition and where you live) and just thought that it would be convenient and make sense to meet you this particular weekend.

If he is a serious athlete, he won't even be thinking about any 'extras', he will decline a drink at the pub over lunch and he'll be having an early night in the spare room.

What level does he compete at?

He is competing at the Aviva European trials & uk Championships.

He called me last night to say that he will stay at the hotel on the Friday because he has to prepare himself for the trials which is on Friday and Saturday and he hopes to get through to the finals on Sunday.

I have said that he can stay at mine on Saturday night if he gets to the finals, I may go and watch him and then we will go out for a drink later. He will still stay at mine if he doesn't get through and we will go out anyway.

He will be staying in the spare room. I have to remember that he is just a friend right now and nothing more. There is no need for me to get so worked up about it.

Life is too short to worry so much. He isn't totally unknown. He is a friend of a cousin. When I look back at the things I did when I was a teenager they were so much worse than this and nothing happened then.

I am now just taking the view that it will be nice to have a friend over and someone to have a laugh with instead of always stuck at home watching tv all on my own wishing I had a life.

RadoJo

If you comfortable with him staying over but don't want there to be any ambiguity about your intentions, just show him to your guest room as soon as you get in the house, so it's clear that is your plan. If things change over the course of the night, then it will be easy enough to resolve, but that way you aren't waiting till a point where there might be any confusion if it doesn't. And have fun - you sound as though you deserve it!

burnoutbabe

its still asking for trouble. you will be spending the night feeling like a school marm going "no, don;t want to, please go to your bedroom" which will spoil any intended romance.

if you just want a booty call, then fair enough, if you want to date this man, don't have him in your house on the first date, he will try and sleep with you, you will have to turn him down nicely which is very awkward to do.

January20

burnoutbabe wrote: »

its still asking for trouble. you will be spending the night feeling like a school marm going "no, don;t want to, please go to your bedroom" which will spoil any intended romance.

if you just want a booty call, then fair enough, if you want to date this man, don't have him in your house on the first date, he will try and sleep with you, you will have to turn him down nicely which is very awkward to do.

Goodness! You are making it sound like all men are sexual predators and you can't trust them to use the guest room and remain in there! How unfair!

OP, you just have to make it clear that he will be staying in the spare room, he already knows you just want to be friends and as long as you don't flirt with him or lead him on in any way, if he is a decent guy (and yes there are some out there!) why should there be a problem?