Need advice

newlifeahead

I am going to try and keep this short but just wanted to know what other people would do.

Have been single for 6 years now and have never dated since I split up with the my kids dad.

Last year I went to a wedding and meet a guy there. Ever since we have been talking to each other on the phone. I haven't wanted to take it any further as he lives in London and I live in the Midlands.

Yesterday I get a call from him saying that he is coming up this Friday for the weekend. He is an athelete and will be in competitions this weekend, so it is a big thing for him.

He has asked if he can stay at my place :eek:. I wasn't sure how to respond on the spot so I had to say that I will think about it. He was part of the wedding party that I went to (I didn't notice him at the time.) He is the cousin of my cousin wife so only this puts me at ease a little.

I called my sister yesterday as she had meet him last year. At first she was a bit worried that he would be staying at my place but then she just said go for it. She knows what I have been through over the last 6 years and how lonely I feel. I haven't got any friends and I don't get to go out anywhere.

My kids will stay at my mom's on the Friday night and the go to their dad's place on the Saturday as ususal so they will not be around.

What would you guys do? Should I just go for it and have some fun. He does know that I am only want to be friends right now, but that is only because I am too scared to go into a relationship right now even though I would love too (not sure if that makes any sense.)

All advice welcome.

Thanks

claire80

go for it , just because he is staying at your place doesnt mean you have to get involved in anything , will at least save you the cost of the phonecall that night !!

nzmegs

I think you should go for it too, but put some safeguards in place. Arrange for a friend to pop round while he is there at some point over the weekend so you don't feel you are completely alone with him all the time and make sure he is aware this will happen. Don't presume anything and have the spare bed made up for him (my guess this is what you would do anyway!)
May sort out a visit to a local restaurant or bar for the evening so you aren't stuck at home with him which might make things uncomfortable.
But after 6 years who deserve something nice to happen. Hopefully he is a nice bloke, but do your homework on him and make sure you know what to expect. Ask your friends and family about him, google him and make sure he is trustworthy.

newlifeahead

Thanks both for your response.

The more I think about it the more I want to do it.

It would be nice to have a longer conversation with him without the interuptions.

nzmegs - good idea about the safe guard. This is what I was worried about. I have told my sister but she lives in London but she is good friends with this cousins who are close to him. She did say that she will ring me just to check I was ok.

I haven't told anyone else about him, my sister didn't even know until yesterday that I have keept in contact with him.

I don't know who else I can tell and trust. Can't tell my parents he is staying over. Even though I an 33 years old and own my house they are very old fashioned.

The spare room will be ready but I don't think I can convince them that nothing would happen.

He will be racing in the evening and I should be going to work on the Saturday (My last day) I am going to try and get the day off.

My sister did say that we should go out for a drink or something so that we are not in the house for too long.

I wish I could google him but he has a common name and I don't want to add him to my facebook. (I don't want him to know everything about me yet.)

newlifeahead

Sorry, just one more problem.

Do I tell my ex.

I am only asking this because for the last month or so he has said that he wants to try again (after 6 years)

He says all the nice things but I am not going to be fooled again. Now and again I ask him a question to see if he is serious about it but he is still makes me think that it is all lies.

We have been getting on much better over the last few months and he even decalared that he really still loves me after all this time (I am not buying it at all)

My ex tends to drop by now and again to pick something up for the kids, he only lives 5 mins away.

Do I say that I am having a friend over so not to cause any embarrasment.

While I was writing this my ex phoned me. He was asking how our son was because he is off school ill today.

Then he asked when can we go out together without the kids and if I wanted to stay over at his this Saturday night.

Why is it after being on my own for 6 years that my ex and a new guy friend want to see me on the same Saturday night. I have been free all the other Saturdays until now and I will be free for more more after, why this one?

Sorry I have now lost what I was trying to say or ask. I will have to come back later and start over again.

Make-it-3

How well do you think you know him from your phone conversations? You sound quite a cautious person. It's quite a jump from having a long distance phone friendship to having him sit there in the morning in his undies eating your cornflakes.

woody01

Tell him to stay and blow some of the cobwebs away

newlifeahead

Make-it-3 wrote: »

How well do you think you know him from your phone conversations? You sound quite a cautious person. It's quite a jump from having a long distance phone friendship to having him sit there in the morning in his undies eating your cornflakes.

I can't say that I know him really well from the conversations and I always think that people only tell you what they want you to hear over the phone and could even make stuff up.
I am very much an extremly cautious person and that might be why I have been single for 6 years.
I kind of like the idea of him sitting in his undies eating my cornflakes.:D It makes a change from have the kids doing that, I am liking that image right now. Thanks

woody01 - He is only stay over for 1 or 2 nights. He would need to be here a lot longer than that to get rid of all of my cobwebs. He might have to call the police and say that he has been imprisoned:rotfl::rotfl:

Make-it-3

Well only you know from the kinds of conversations you have had on the phone, have they been initimate? Do you think he's also looking for a few extras with bed and board? If you're both quite clear about your intentions then go for it. But also think ahead, this will put your relationship on a whole new footing - how will it continue after the weekend is over?

pigpen

Why not?

Getting to know him better might not be a bad idea.. going out for a drink or lunch would be nice.. showing him of the local attractions he might enjoy...

it has nothing to do with your ex.. does he tell you every time he farts? No?.. then why are you even thinking it?! Unless you are interested in trying again with him??

Make sure there is someone who knows who he is and that he is staying and 'check in' every so often.. maybe with your sister? Just so everyone knows you are safe.

Stop being a 'fraidy cat.. you'll never move on if you don't give yourself a chance!

newlifeahead

I will make sure I make my self clear that extras are not available this time round. This is how I feel at the moment don't know if I will feel different at the time.

He won't be spending the whole time with me. He will be taking part in his atheletics competitions which will be for a few hours on both days.

If it goes badly then I never have to speak to him and I am unlikley to see him around again. If things go well it could be the start of a new thing. Or we could just remain friends which is what I would like.