Fathers Day - Have i done wrong.

gabyjane

This thread brought a bit of a tear to my eye tbh. I think after 2 years he has a bit of a cheek to find it shocking that he wouldn't recieve a card? like others have said does he have other children and it has hit a raw nerve? if not i'm not really sure why he would find it odd..guess we may find out whe you speak to him. If you do have 3 cards lined up in total than yes i think a little ott.

My husband met me years ago and took on my dd when she was a few weeks old. After watching an ex friend call every man she met 'daddy' for her son to come accustomed to it warned me off doing it with dd and i now wish i had done in a way as she doesn't call him dad and i'm not sure she ever will..not the end of the world but i know my husband would like her to. Being with someone that long makes you aware surely that it is a package and the child is never going to go away really are they? your partner should have realsied this by now?

I like fathers day for my dd as she likes buying my hubby things (infact we have spent a silly amount this year on only a few bits) but one thing i am very very grateful (and sometimes forget) is the fact he is bringing up and paying for someone elses childs future..like someone else said he is also a very good example to my dd. He doesn't see it like that and says he knew about her from before day 1 so was never a factor in getting together with me in a roundabout way.

On the other hand i hate it as i don't speak to my dad anymore and feel guilty not sending cards..unfortunatly after years of sending them anyway and getting no responce or thanks it dwindled out and i got the hint! one year i had to just stop..doesn't mean i don't think of him though..

Anyway sorry waffling on! I really hope tomorrow goes ok for you all and you sort it out for all your sakes..x

busiscoming2

I think he has overreacted, and on the surface it sounds to me as though he is afraid you and your son want to become a permanant fixture and this isnt what he wants. But then reading your further posts he sounds as though he is very happy being with you and having your ds in his life. He even seems more full on than some permanant fathers; appointments and school things etc.

I would just phone him up and ask why he reacted like he did and then take it from there. No way should you stop your ds from giving him the card he has bought for him as this obviously means a lot to your son.

I hope you have a nice day tomorrow.

thistledome

mad_as_a_march_hare wrote:

...he had a rant at me on the phone last night, about said card, and that i shouldn't have done it and that i should have not had it posted to him direct and that my DS should be putting thought into his own dad and not him.

mad_as_a_march_hare wrote:

...he knows we come as a package and has spent so much time with DS, he taught him to ride his bike, he always juggles his work diary to attend parent evenings and medical appointments, he has taught him some fantastic cooking skills...

mad_as_a_march_hare wrote:

He adores DS and only a few weeks ago after he had told him off for something, asked me if i thought he was being harsh, i said no and his reply was that he treats him they way he would treat him if he was his son.

I just think he was a little shocked by it arriving through the post, i think he thought it was a little unpersonal by DS not giving it to him himself, he doesn't know that DS actually has another card for him.

I'm confused.

He's annoyed because:

a. He thinks it was impersonal to send it through the post.

and

b. He thinks the biological father should be getting the most "thought" put into the father's day card.

Those two things seem to contradict each other, to me anyway. Sounds to me like your boyfriend has misunderstood the situation in some way. Hope you manage to clear the air this weekend, OP.

PS
For those who say the boy has bought boyfriend 3 cards, I think one is for the biological father.

Loopy_Girl

No it is 3 cards for the boyfriend

1 in the shop saying 'you're like a Dad to me'
1 in the shop - the huge 'you're the best'
and then the 1 from the hallmark website stating 'you're like a Daddy to me' and it had the photo and had been personalised.

mad_as_a_march_hare wrote: »

I'm thinking that i may just loose the little card that says your like a dad to me and tell DS i spilt my coffee on it and just let him give him the big one.

thistledome

mad_as_a_march_hare wrote: »

My DS is 10 and we wnt shopping the other day for fathers day cards, he bought one for his dad, who he sees probably twice a year, and while we were there he said he wanted to buy one for my partner, with whom he spends alot of time, and my partner has taught him so much.

So DS has chose a giant card that just says on it your the best, and he chose one that says your like a dad to me.

I thought the giant "you're the best" is for the bio dad? The boyfriend has the "you're like a dad" and the personalised one?

Loopy_Girl

thistledome wrote: »

I thought the giant "you're the best" is for the bio dad? The boyfriend has the "you're like a dad" and the personalised one?

It's in the quote I quoted...she was going to lose the shop bought 'you're like a Dad' and let him give him 'the giant one' (the best).

So he would have the giant one and the hallmark one.

viktory

mad_as_a_march_hare wrote: »

I while we were there he said he wanted to buy one for my partner, with whom he spends alot of time, and my partner has taught him so much.

So DS has chose a giant card that just says on it your the best, and he chose one that says your like a dad to me.

...he found a funny one that needed a photo adding to it that said your like a daddy to me, he loved it and asked if he could send that one aswell. So we personalised it and had it sent direct through the post.

I'm thinking that i may just loose the little card that says your like a dad to me and tell DS i spilt my coffee on it and just let him give him the big one.

What do you all think?

Thanks

Confused here... how many cards has your son bought your partner? It looks like he bought one in the town with you, another on line and then you talk about him giving another little one? That makes three, which, if correct is OTT by anyone's standards.

coolcait

It does sound as if your son has gone over the top in terms of the the number of cards he has bought for your partner. Or which you have bought on his behalf.

You haven't said anything which indicates that you tried to persuade your son that one card shop-bought card (like he got for his dad) would be enough.

You haven't said why you didn't get a personalised card for his dad. Even though you were looking for one to give to your own dad, and got one for your son to give to your partner.

There may be an element of truth to the point made by your partner that your DS should be putting thought into his own dad. And that you should be supporting that approach.

As it stands, you have supported your son in buying two or three cards for your partner, including a personalised card, sent to him directly. A card which demonstrates that a lot of thought has gone into it.

Your partner has made you aware that he has some difficulty with this. He hasn't rejected the card he has received. He hasn't said anything nasty to your son. He hasn't rejected your son. He has told you - his partner, an adult - how he feels. I can see why he would feel the way he does.

You have chosen not to explore, with him, his reasons for feeling like this. Instead, you have posted it on the internet for random strangers - like me and others - to comment. Why? He's the only one who can tell you exactly what he's thinking and feeling.

Given that he has been adult enough to share his concerns with you, why not try returning the favour. Explain to him that your son wanted to buy him two? three? cards. And a present. Explain to him why you didn't attempt to stop your son doing this. You may have to examine your own motives and actions to come up with that explanation.

Ask him if he could be kind to your son and accept the other cards/presents graciously (although I don't see anything in your posts which suggests that you need to do that - I think he's coming across as a lot more sensitive to implications than you are).

As long as he knows that you are aware that the 'Father's Day card' scenario doesn't change your relationship with him, and that you are willing and able to discuss the issues one to one, then the prognosis looks hopeful.

Just let him know that your son - with your help and collusion - has also bought him another couple of cards and a present. So that he is prepared.

esmerelda98

coolcait wrote: »

It does sound as if your son has gone over the top in terms of the the number of cards he has bought for your partner. Or which you have bought on his behalf.

You haven't said anything which indicates that you tried to persuade your son that one card shop-bought card (like he got for his dad) would be enough.

You haven't said why you didn't get a personalised card for his dad. Even though you were looking for one to give to your own dad, and got one for your son to give to your partner.

There may be an element of truth to the point made by your partner that your DS should be putting thought into his own dad. And that you should be supporting that approach.

As it stands, you have supported your son in buying two or three cards for your partner, including a personalised card, sent to him directly. A card which demonstrates that a lot of thought has gone into it.

Your partner has made you aware that he has some difficulty with this. He hasn't rejected the card he has received. He hasn't said anything nasty to your son. He hasn't rejected your son. He has told you - his partner, an adult - how he feels. I can see why he would feel the way he does.

You have chosen not to explore, with him, his reasons for feeling like this. Instead, you have posted it on the internet for random strangers - like me and others - to comment. Why? He's the only one who can tell you exactly what he's thinking and feeling.

Given that he has been adult enough to share his concerns with you, why not try returning the favour. Explain to him that your son wanted to buy him two? three? cards. And a present. Explain to him why you didn't attempt to stop your son doing this. You may have to examine your own motives and actions to come up with that explanation.

Ask him if he could be kind to your son and accept the other cards/presents graciously (although I don't see anything in your posts which suggests that you need to do that - I think he's coming across as a lot more sensitive to implications than you are).

As long as he knows that you are aware that the 'Father's Day card' scenario doesn't change your relationship with him, and that you are willing and able to discuss the issues one to one, then the prognosis looks hopeful.

Just let him know that your son - with your help and collusion - has also bought him another couple of cards and a present. So that he is prepared.

Very perceptive.

jakem_2

I hope the OP comes back and let us know how things went.:)