Fathers Day - Have i done wrong.

mikey72

Maybe he just has feelings and empathy with the real dad.
How would you feel if you split, and your children started sending their mother's day card to someone else?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with him not wanting to push the biological father out. He sounds like he cares about the old family as well as the new, and doesn't want to storm in split the relationship between the child and his father.

Steel_2

I would echo people's ideas about how he might not ever have considered himself your son's dad and this freaked him.

Perhaps in his mind, he would not consider himself to be a father to your son until you lived under the same roof.

It seems a small distinction for many but for some people it's huge.

mrbrightside842

I'm a little confused, sorry. Has your son got him 3 cards? One through the post, a big one, and 'one that says you're like a dad to me?'

ooobedoo

I have only read a few of the replies but I would like to offer a different take on things.

My parents divorced when I was 9years old. My Dad started going out with this woman who had been married before, no children and got together with my Dad, the first year My brother and I bought her a present and a card for mothers day. She threw it across the room and shouted at us that 'I'm not your ******* mother'. Now this happened when I was 10 and I am now 32, I have had the worst relationship with my Stepmother who basically resented me and my brother. She drove a wedge between us and our Dad.

You need to sort this out now, and prevent your lad from getting hurt. Either by stopping him giving anything else, or explaining to your man that it was your lads idea.

babymoo

I give my stepdad a card every year with a little gift. Something small and usually funny but enough to say I have thought about him, I also give my dad a card and gift ever year, usually something a lil bit more expensive, im definately a daddys girl. The first year I sent my stepdad a card was around 6 years ago and mum and him had only been together a year but he cried and told me that he loved me like I am his own. We have a very strong father daughter like bond now. I am rather shocked at your OH, you should remind him that you and your children come as a package.

Oldernotwiser

babymoo wrote: »

I give my stepdad a card every year with a little gift. Something small and usually funny but enough to say I have thought about him, I also give my dad a card and gift ever year, usually something a lil bit more expensive, im definately a daddys girl. The first year I sent my stepdad a card was around 6 years ago and mum and him had only been together a year but he cried and told me that he loved me like I am his own. We have a very strong father daughter like bond now. I am rather shocked at your OH, you should remind him that you and your children come as a package.

Being the mother's boyfriend is not the same thing as being a step father. Women with children are allowed to have non permanent relationships you know.

Angelic

I know a lot of posters have said the opposite but I think that after two years he's got a cheek ranting about being sent a card.
I don't know your relationship and hope I don't sound rude but it sounds like he is more than someone you just have sex with if he has made such an impact on your son?
I think your son needs protecting more than a grown man as he obviously sees this man as something more than "mum's friend".
I'm not saying dump him (it's too easy saying that to strangers and this might be salvageable) but a serious talk is needed as you come as a package.
I've never dated someone with children as I wouldn't feel ready for such a responsibility but if I did , i'd be very careful as i'd be a parental figure to the child.
There are different types of relationships out there but once kids are involved you have to have their best interests at the forefront of your mind and be strict with who you introduce to them as emotional bonds are easily made.
Good luck

Loopy_Girl

mrbrightside842 wrote: »

I'm a little confused, sorry. Has your son got him 3 cards? One through the post, a big one, and 'one that says you're like a dad to me?'

I'm reading it as that too which does seem a bit full on to be honest.

I don't think the man has an issue with the OP 'coming as a package' as he clearly takes a huge interest in his life but I can see his point. There's a huge difference between being Mum's partner and being a Dad figure particularly as the son actually has a dad albeit a scarce figure in his life. Remember that the OP and her OH don't live together - they aren't a full time family unit so I think it would be fair for the OH to ascertain that he wasn't having a Dad role and more a male figure in the childs life.

I think he will probably calm down and in retrospect think he could have handled it better but there is clearly a chat needed. Personally I think he would have thought the 'Best' card was okay and appropriate and a nice thought.

Oh, and I wouldn't give the other cards...1 is ample anyway even if all this wasn't going on...tell your son you have lost them or something and pre-warn your OH that your son has a small gift as a token of his appreciation for all that your OH does for him.

beks

OP - does your boyfriend have children for a previous relationship? ... just wondering if fathers day has hit a raw nerve with him??

gilbert_and_sullivan

When i was accepted by my wife's daughter as another Dad i was as pleased as a dog with two tails, she has a great relationship with her own Dad too and no competition or other stupidity.

Likewise when my wife recieves a card from my children she too is over the moon.

The chap is missing out, and i'm quite surprised at the apparent anger over this natural affection the lad is showing.