Fathers Day - Have i done wrong.

Morgan_Ree

aliasojo wrote: »

This man is only a boyfriend. He does not live with them. He interacts with the lad in a 'pals' role at the moment. .

How do you know that?

Morgan_Ree

mad_as_a_march_hare wrote: »

Thanks for all your replies.

I seem to have started some big debate now.

Just to add, we don't live together properly, but me and DS stay there every weekend.

He adores DS and only a few weeks ago after he had told him off for something, asked me if i thought he was being harsh, i said no and his reply was that he treats him they way he would treat him if he was his son.


I just think he was a little shocked by it arriving through the post, i think he thought it was a little unpersonal by DS not giving it to him himself, he doesn't know that DS actually has another card for him.

You say he adores your DS.

If thats the case why do you think he's acting like such a plonker?

Stephb1986_2

Morgan_Ree wrote: »

You say he adores your DS.

If thats the case why do you think he's acting like such a plonker?

Totally agree!! Sorry that I went off on one but instead of thinking how he feels think how this kid would feel if he found out!

Steph xx

ninky_2

tbh if i was going out with someone with kids (which would be a big ask in the first place as i don't want kids) and they had an ex who was the actual kids mum and they gave me a card that said 'you're like a mum to me' it would freak me out. it would be different if the actual mum wasn't around (had died or walked out).

maybe he's just not ready to give that much commitment to the relationship and the thought that a little child might get hurt by losing a father figure is freaking him out.

sorry if that's not what you want to hear but you did ask.

jamespir

he sounds like an ungrateful prat to me

youve done nowt wrong

aliasojo

samandona wrote: »

I think you have assumed alot about this situation. Unless I am mistaken and you are the 'BF' OP is refering to, you're way off the mark with your comments.

Have I? I didn't think I did. I thought I'd read the situation fairly well. If the boyfriend had been interacting with the lad in a step father role then why would he have reacted in this way?

And with respect, who are you to tell me I'm way off mark when presumably you are only party to the same information I am and therefore you don't actually know if my take on the situation is near the mark or not?

Morgan_Ree wrote: »

How do you know that?

See reply to above quote.


Ok, I give in. The boyfriend is clearly a miserable unpleasant git whose selfish nature means this boy will obviously be very upset. Naturally he should be chatised as much as possible and told he should 'man up' regardless of how he feels. Silly me for trying to see all sides of this situation.

OP, dump him now. He's just a rotter.

That better?

aliasojo

mad_as_a_march_hare wrote: »

I just think he was a little shocked by it arriving through the post, i think he thought it was a little unpersonal by DS not giving it to him himself, he doesn't know that DS actually has another card for him.

mad_as_a_march_hare wrote: »

He got it yeterday and opened it, now this is where it goes all a little pear shaped, he had a rant at me on the phone last night, about said card, and that i shouldn't have done it and that i should have not had it posted to him direct and that my DS should be putting thought into his own dad and not him.

Regardless of anything else, I really do think you should have another chat with your boyfriend about this, because it seems to me you're contradicting yourself a little here and it might be worthwhile just clearing this up and clarifying once and for all?

To me, his reaction has less to do with the fact it was posted direct and more to do with the fact he got one at all.

(But again, that's just my take on the situation from what you've written. )

jakem_2

mad_as_a_march_hare wrote: »

He got it yeterday and opened it, now this is where it goes all a little pear shaped, he had a rant at me on the phone last night, about said card, and that i shouldn't have done it and that i should have not had it posted to him direct and that my DS should be putting thought into his own dad and not him.

Is he over reacting?

When I first read it, i was raging also at him, and am still angry that he has taken this attitude, but then reading 'alaisojo's' reply made me take a step backwards and try and see it from his point.
But then I went over and another reply from original poster...

He adores DS and only a few weeks ago after he had told him off for something, asked me if i thought he was being harsh, i said no and his reply was that he treats him they way he would treat him if he was his son.

It doesnt add up to me, he says he treats him as he would if he was his son, your son is treating him like he would if he was his own father.

I would have to thrash this out with him before you go for the weekend, as your boy out of the kindness of his little heart has gone out of his way to get him a card, the last thing you need is it thrown back in his face.

Dont mean to come across as gloom and doom, but his initial reaction would make me step back a bit and think if he should be in mine and my sons life, as I do believe he has over reacted, he could have reasons, and this you need to find out, but it would definately make me have a question mark about him.

gonzo127

just deleted what i had written here as i realised i had mis-read something

to be honest it still seems a bit of a knee jerk reaction to me and something that will be sorted out given a little bit of time to cool of and a talk about why it upset him.

i really think all the people talking about dumping him and how horible he is etc etc really need to get down of their high horses and turn it around a little bit.

yes it was a really nice thought of the DS and i personally would have been over the moon.

however it could have come as a massive shock to him, as he might never have thought of himself as a 'Dad'. and more of just the mums boyfriend

add that on to the fact that not long ago the OP told him to treat the DS as if he was his son and then gets a fathers day card

he could quite easily feel that he is being pushed into being the childs father and his reaction was simply a push back against it which is a perfectly normal reaction for most people

i really do wonder how some people manage to have relationships when it appears so many peoples initial reactions to a rant and knee jurk over reactions is to dump someone or start to consider if they should dump them instead of talking it through with them as to why they reacted in that way

ninky_2

my reading based solely on the info in the OP is that he might be thinking about dumping her. bbviously it's hard to tell from just a forum message and not knowing either of them. but from the info provided that's my gut feeling.