Buffy gets a life and budget Diary

beanielou

Yoiu can do this.
Wont say happy Friday.
But happy weekend.

Buffythedebtslayer

Hello just a quick Update

George - the obs are a normal part of teaching, he doesn't have to do them on such short notice(most people get a 1/2 term's notice or they are planned at the start of the year within a 2 week period) but he likes to try and catch people out by only giving them 2 days notice - ie not enough to get any photocopying done etc. I have discussed with Union blokey but he says as long as the head loves him so much there is nothing we can do, just be constantly aware that he is not to be trusted AT ALL. thems the breaks. thanks tho xxxx

Got a lot to do today Weekend has been slightly messed up. Went over to ym friend's (lovely) new house on Friday intending to get a cab back, realised she is miles from me and it would cost £30 that I simply do not have................so stayed over. I got back earlier enough yesterday but Mum upset me well, I allowed her to upset me tbh. I washed both the cars and she was not very pleased - despite moaning about the state of them for weeks, I did it as a surprise, she was out when I got home. She was funny with me all day yesterday. Especially as I went to have a nap about 12 (been woken up at 5.30ish and I refuse to be a martyr and carry on with work etc when tired, I know other people do amazing things but not me! - she gets up at 5.30 each day and spends most of the evening dozing on the sofa - I work two jobs and work late most nights so think I am allowed a flipping nap on a Saturday - she says I am wasting my weekend, I say none of your flipping business!)

I have that horrible anxious feeling about the summer holidays. I have LOTS I want to do and could get done but I know Mum will put up barriers the whole time, she has already suggested that I don't paint my floorboards, I can't dig up these two (ugly) bushes by where I want to build the fish pond and yesterday when I put the Guinea pigs in the run for the first time she was so stressed and panicky about it. !!!!!!. Even simple changes freak her out - I was up early this morning, too hot in bed! and them was met with obvious disquiet. I try to think so what but it hurts basically, that she can never see me as an adult, that when my sister comes round she is all smiles and happy and yet with me she is flat and just Oh I don't know.

This situation is pretty much untenable, but equally the idea of leaving her is also untenable. I try to make changes but she is so unmoveable - I spent all that time decluttering and tidying the conservatory to have my own space but she is back to using as a dumping ground for recycling, I move the reclyling, she moves it back. I decluttered the cupboards and she fills them. I gave her the flylady book - thought it might work better if she did it, but she has done bits (great) but the main things that drive me nuts she just doesn't have a problem with, I am never going to get up earlier enough for her and she is never going to meal plan!


Please if you reply to this post saying just move out and live your our life - I know you mean well but I can't do that for reasons I can't and won't go in to. I just really need somewhere to get my thoughts out clearly. I know I should move out I know I would be happier out, I am not so stupid that I can't see that very clearly, but at this moment in time it cannot be done so advice on how to keep my temper and sanity would be appreciated.

xxxx

LouiseJ

No advice from me my friend but always here with a :grouphug:

I know that one day you will have your own place so for now just try and let it all wash over you, try to keep things simple and make your room your haven.

I have a MIL who cannot understand anyone who has a different routine to her own ie. getting up at 6am and going to bed by 9pm....its her problem and she just has to learn to accept things, we have to remind her that not everyone is the same as her.

Try to enjoy your Sunday love, you have enough crap to deal with during the week.

Buffythedebtslayer

thanks Lou means alot xxxxx

Been thinking about Flylady, since getting the upgraded phone I get the e mails each morning (instead of deleting them at random points without reading them). I know it sounds daft but she really seems to speak to people like me, I try so hard and its never good enough or right or indeed enough. Its so hard to fight against my own negativity and my Mum's. The house is full to bursting and although say the living room is company ready no where else is!

Any how she has this no whinning sign thing and something about Stinking Thinking - ie don't do it, don't entertain negative woe is me thoughts. When people's DH's don't get on board she says don't nag, just keep doing it the 15 mins, the decluttering, the routines, you do it for yourself, not for them and eventually they come round to it any way.

Now I have never thought of Mum in that light, don't get me wrong we don't live in a pig sty, nothing is dirty just untidy and a lot of it is mine to be honest - mind you that is cos she spends her life shoving stuff in cupboards and never finding it all again. And thus I have no space.

But what if I did, instead of explaining and trying to get her onboard what if I just did it. I guess I have always thought that approach would work with a man cos generally speaking they don't seem to care about housework, but Mum is house proud so I thought she might be interested but if I just treat her like the stubborn person she is............and just get on it with it (I am equally stubborn)

xxxx

LouiseJ

I would just get on with things Buffy, ignore any negative comments and crack on!

I wonder if your Mum takes you doing these jobs as a bit of sligh towards her as she "hasnt" done them herself?

Folks are funny, especially families. I will never understand how my OH can literally step over a pile of clothes/shoes in the bedroom as though they are supposed to be there:rotfl:

urg123

HI Buffy

So glad that you have this space to vent.

I too have been getting the emails in the morning and it is much better! I did a a 15 minute declutter yesterday and plan to do some more today. I can't manage to do as much in the week but being more organised/making lunches the night before has been helpful. I am struggling to let go of my stuff! I have a little thing where i get rid of 10 things instead of 27. I can cope with that!

Not sure what to suggest about the holiday - I too want to acheive so much but also recognise the need to have a break. Why not prioritise say 2 projects for the summer and give yourself a break. If you achieve more, great. If not, you are not faced with a list you didn't achieve.

Hope sunday is better for you, sending you much love.

urg x x

chevalier

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

Now I have never thought of Mum in that light, don't get me wrong we don't live in a pig sty, nothing is dirty just untidy and a lot of it is mine to be honest - mind you that is cos she spends her life shoving stuff in cupboards and never finding it all again. And thus I have no space.

But what if I did, instead of explaining and trying to get her onboard what if I just did it. I guess I have always thought that approach would work with a man cos generally speaking they don't seem to care about housework, but Mum is house proud so I thought she might be interested but if I just treat her like the stubborn person she is............and just get on it with it (I am equally stubborn)

xxxx

So basically treat like an uncomprehending man. Like it! The things is if tidying up makes you feel good then that is important too. I am sorry it is such a long journey you are taking. I guess it can't be that long until you are debt free now. And maybe her behaviour is linked to the realisation that it is getting closer to the time when you will leave her. So she is acting up even more because of this?

I know it is too late now but remind me again why a DMP wasn't a plan? If you were on one would you be able to change jobs, move a way etc?
hugs mate
chev

Happytogetdebtfree

Hi buffy, big post, sounds lots going on and lots doing. Stand you ground do your decluttering and mum will come round. Have some faith. Chin up and keep smiling :-) hugs xxx

LouiseJ

Hi Love, just thougth I would pop in to see how you are doing today?

Hope you are OK, only 9 more days left to work:j

Pippajo

Hey chick, even your venting posts are positive

I do like the idea of just carrying on and hope they follow. How many times in life do we hint at things, plant a seed and then let them come up with the idea themselves

Can you tell me more about the fly lady email. I'm constantly fire fighting with work, house, ironing etc.