Jwil's sorting the debt, the body, the house, the garden and everything else diary!

DedicatedDFW

Hi Guys

I'm looking for a bit of advice if thats ok - or maybe i just need to put my feelings down to get them out of my system? Hope you don't mind

As i have mentioned my birthday is coming up - for various reasons i never look forward to it - probably stems back to years ago. So as my birthday approaches i get a little bit to thinking about it and feeling worried over it - usually i'm fine once the day has passed. This year i'm actually looking forward to it - not that its my birthday - but the plans i'm making for the next year of my life and a plan about being debt-free by my next birthday - a more definite plan rather than just the hoping i've done in the past :cool: But also plans about doing things in my life that i want to do for me :T - i'll be starting this plan formulating on paper this weekend, just in time, as i have been thinking about it lots

What i'm actually worried about this year is what gift my OH is going to get me I know it sounds completely petty but because of how things have been with us this year i am worried We usually put alot of thought into our gifts for each other and do splash out a bit too. Now i'm worried:

a) if he gets me a joke gift what will this mean? i don't think i'll really be able to laugh about it either
b) if he gets me something to wear although it seems nice he knows i'm only getting things i really need at the moment until i lose the weight so again this wouldn't be a good idea - and i don't need anything

Aarrgghh! i know its ridiculous and i know i can over analyse this but i really want things to work out between us and if i get something thats not like the usual gift then i'll be questioning everything

So sorry guys - i know all i can do is wait for the gift and then see but am worried that the gift or my reaction will trigger upset

Hope you don't mind me posting this

peaceandfreedom

DedicatedDFW wrote: »

As i have mentioned my birthday is coming up - for various reasons i never look forward to it - probably stems back to years ago. So as my birthday approaches i get a little bit to thinking about it and feeling worried over it - usually i'm fine once the day has passed. This year i'm actually looking forward to it - not that its my birthday - but the plans i'm making for the next year of my life and a plan about being debt-free by my next birthday - a more definite plan rather than just the hoping i've done in the past :cool: But also plans about doing things in my life that i want to do for me :T - i'll be starting this plan formulating on paper this weekend, just in time, as i have been thinking about it lots

All that sounds excellent and very positive, good for you. :T

DedicatedDFW wrote: »

What i'm actually worried about this year is what gift my OH is going to get me I know it sounds completely petty but because of how things have been with us this year i am worried We usually put alot of thought into our gifts for each other and do splash out a bit too. Now i'm worried:

a) if he gets me a joke gift what will this mean? i don't think i'll really be able to laugh about it either
b) if he gets me something to wear although it seems nice he knows i'm only getting things i really need at the moment until i lose the weight so again this wouldn't be a good idea - and i don't need anything

Aarrgghh! i know its ridiculous and i know i can over analyse this but i really want things to work out between us and if i get something thats not like the usual gift then i'll be questioning everything

So why do you think he might get you either a) or b)? Is that likely? You said that you both usually put a lot of thought into your gifts, so why do you think that will change this time?

And if he does end up getting you the wrong thing, surely this doesn't mean things won't work out between you? It just means he's a typical man. Have you dropped him any hints or do you leave him to work it out for himself?

I think that since you have general anxieties about your birthday, you are becoming anxious over this one and getting disappointed before it's even happened. Why not wait and see what happens and take it from there? You might be very pleasantly surprised.:)

DedicatedDFW

Hi all, sorry peaceandfreedom i cross posted before - fab fab news on the 0% deals :j:j:j - are you putting it into the snowball to get a more definite date for freedom? Really pleased for you and carbooting sounds good

jwil well done on the sale too

peaceandfreedom - i agree i need to wait until the actual date I am worried because of the difficult time we've been through this year, which means if the type / style of gift changes i'll wonder if we've actually moved on from that

peaceandfreedom

DedicatedDFW wrote: »

peaceandfreedom - i agree i need to wait until the actual date I am worried because of the difficult time we've been through this year, which means if the type / style of gift changes i'll wonder if we've actually moved on from that

Then you'll just have to wait and see and discuss it with OH if it all goes horribly wrong.

Some quotes about worrying (OK, so all a bit well-worn but none the less wise for that):

[FONT=georgia, bookman old style, palatino linotype, book antiqua, palatino, trebuchet ms, helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, avante garde, century gothic, comic sans ms, times, times new roman, serif]My life has been full of terrible misfortunes most of which never happened. ~Michel de Montaigne[/FONT]

[FONT=georgia, bookman old style, palatino linotype, book antiqua, palatino, trebuchet ms, helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, avante garde, century gothic, comic sans ms, times, times new roman, serif]How much pain they have cost us, the evils which have never happened. ~Thomas Jefferson[/FONT]

[FONT=georgia, bookman old style, palatino linotype, book antiqua, palatino, trebuchet ms, helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, avante garde, century gothic, comic sans ms, times, times new roman, serif]There are people who are always anticipating trouble, and in this way they manage to enjoy many sorrows that never really happen to them. ~Josh Billings[/FONT]

[FONT=georgia, bookman old style, palatino linotype, book antiqua, palatino, trebuchet ms, helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, avante garde, century gothic, comic sans ms, times, times new roman, serif]Rule number one is, don't sweat the small stuff. Rule number two is, it's all small stuff. ~Robert Eliot[/FONT]

[FONT=georgia, bookman old style, palatino linotype, book antiqua, palatino, trebuchet ms, helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, avante garde, century gothic, comic sans ms, times, times new roman, serif]Real difficulties can be overcome, it is only the imaginary ones that are unconquerable. ~Theodore N. Vail[/FONT]

OK, enough already, I think you get the gist. :D:D

You know, sometimes I worry needlessly myself. But there was something recently where I knew that although there was a possible outcome that I wouldn't like, there was absolutely nothing I could do about it advance. I just had to wait and see. I resolved to stop worrying about it until I knew one way or the other.

And I stopped worrying about it. And it worked out absolutely beautifully. So all that time I would have wallowed in a misfortune that never actually happened.

I hope I've learned my lesson because the whole not-worrying thing was so much nicer.

jwil

peaceandfreedom wrote: »

We are funny with our noisy OHs aren't we - I too like it when mine is out of the house, it's so much more peaceful.

I seem to get so much more done when he's out

jwil

peaceandfreedom wrote: »

Have been doing some balance-transferring on my credit cards. Transferred one CC to a new 0% card. The other CC is about to run out of its 0% but I decided it's not a great idea to apply for another one to transfer it to. I was going to leave it a few months and then apply.

Lo and behold the CC I've just cleared has phoned up to offer me another 12 months at 0% with a vastly increased credit limit. Tee hee. So I can transfer CC2 onto that and no need to apply for another new card. :j

This should bring my credit card DFD forward a couple of months overall (the previous DFD was based on CC2 charging interest all along). Of course there are balance transfer fees but they are much smaller than the interest would have been. I'll update my sig when it's all in place.

That's great news, well done! :j:j

jwil

DedicatedDFW wrote: »

Hi Guys

I'm looking for a bit of advice if thats ok - or maybe i just need to put my feelings down to get them out of my system? Hope you don't mind

As i have mentioned my birthday is coming up - for various reasons i never look forward to it - probably stems back to years ago. So as my birthday approaches i get a little bit to thinking about it and feeling worried over it - usually i'm fine once the day has passed. This year i'm actually looking forward to it - not that its my birthday - but the plans i'm making for the next year of my life and a plan about being debt-free by my next birthday - a more definite plan rather than just the hoping i've done in the past :cool: But also plans about doing things in my life that i want to do for me :T - i'll be starting this plan formulating on paper this weekend, just in time, as i have been thinking about it lots

What i'm actually worried about this year is what gift my OH is going to get me I know it sounds completely petty but because of how things have been with us this year i am worried We usually put alot of thought into our gifts for each other and do splash out a bit too. Now i'm worried:

a) if he gets me a joke gift what will this mean? i don't think i'll really be able to laugh about it either
b) if he gets me something to wear although it seems nice he knows i'm only getting things i really need at the moment until i lose the weight so again this wouldn't be a good idea - and i don't need anything

Aarrgghh! i know its ridiculous and i know i can over analyse this but i really want things to work out between us and if i get something thats not like the usual gift then i'll be questioning everything

So sorry guys - i know all i can do is wait for the gift and then see but am worried that the gift or my reaction will trigger upset

Hope you don't mind me posting this

Hi DDFW, and of course we don't mind you posting things like this - that's what the diaries are for.

First of all, that's great news that you have a plan to be debt free by your birthday next year :T:T It's really something to work towards.

With regards to the birthday present - like peaceandfreedom says - is he likely to buy you either of those things? If he hasn't in the past, then what makes you think he would now?

Even if he does buy you a joke present or item of clothing - I don't think it necessarily means that there is trouble in the relationship - he could be perhaps trying to cheer you up by making you laugh, or buying you something nice to wear to make you feel good whilst you are losing weight.

One thing my doctor said to me once - and it kind of relates to what peaceandfreedom says - is that sometimes you so get into the mindset of worrying, that you actually look for things to worry about. I think it's very true. It's easier said than done, but try not to worry too much about it, and just see what he has got you.

I second the idea about dropping hints if you think that might help.

jwil

DedicatedDFW wrote: »

peaceandfreedom - i agree i need to wait until the actual date I am worried because of the difficult time we've been through this year, which means if the type / style of gift changes i'll wonder if we've actually moved on from that

I'm sure it will all work out fine DDFW. But even if it doesn't and he gives you a present you don't like - it doesn't mean the relationship isn't working, it may just need a little more time to get back on track.

DH and I have been married for 3 years now, and since about a week after the wedding, life has just thrown the most awful things at us. It has really put pressure on our relationship, and our health. It's only in the last few weeks that things have started to improve and it feels like we are getting back to how we used to be.

Hang in there, and it will all work out in the end

jwil

peaceandfreedom wrote: »

the whole not-worrying thing was so much nicer.

It is much nicer not worrying. And in general, things usually work out in the end, even if it takes the scenic route getting there.

jwil

Grrr.. today started off so well. Now another tooth has broken. 'Tis most annoying! Can't afford to have it fixed, so will just have to hope it's ok, and drag out the temporary filling stuff.

My teeth are so weak, it's ridiculous!

Anyway, on a brighter note, I have withdrawn £55 from a cashback site this morning, so waiting for that to come through. That's a nice bit of cash towards the target!